Posts Tagged: Andy Stanley
“On Putting People in Buckets”
I was listening to an Andy Stanley podcast this morning, in which he spoke of the danger of putting people in buckets. There is, he said, a Republican bucket and a Democratic bucket, a conservative bucket and a liberal bucket.
One problem, as Stanley pointed out, with all this bucketing is that people don’t fit really well in buckets. I am reminded of the saying that “there are only two kinds of people: those who put people in one of two groups and those who don’t.”
Right.
The Bible actually says that there is only one bucket that all humanity can be put into: the sinner bucket. “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God,” says Paul in Romans 3:23. From my experience, that sounds about right.
So, perhaps instead of figuring out who is right and who is wrong, maybe we should throw ourselves in the bucket called “the Grace of God”. Just a suggestion. And since, I’ve made one suggestion, I might as well make another: How about being a little kinder to other people in the sinner bucket?
“You Don’t Know Yourself as Well as You Think You Do”
I was listening to a recent “Hidden Brain” podcast the other day. Shankar Vedantam was interviewing Tim Wilson in a show called “You 2.0: How to See Yourself Clearly.” The authors made an excellent point: Introspection is not always the best way to understand yourself. In fact, many studies have suggested that your friends—and sometimes even people you don’t know at all—can help you to make better decisions than you can make for yourself.
In one intriguing study, some people were given a profile of someone they were thinking about dating. Another group was given one anonymous evaluation of the person they were thinking about dating from someone who had had one date with that person. The people who had read the profile ended up being much more dissatisfied with the prospect than those who were given the evaluation from a stranger.
This all confirms something that I have experienced repeatedly. Let me illustrate. My wife and I will go to a restaurant. Usually, I order the same thing, but once in a while I will get really adventuresome and order something else. My wife will say (with raised eyebrows), “Do you really think you’re going to like that?” Now, whenever my wife raises her eyebrows, I need to sit up straight and pay attention. Sometimes, I do. However, sometimes I am in a rebellious mood and ignore her eyebrows . . . and end up not enjoying my entre.
The Bible, especially the Book of Proverbs, informs us that taking the advice of others is one form of wisdom. Here are some representative verses:
“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” (Proverbs 19:20, English Standard Version)
“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” (11:14)
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” (12:15)
Of course, we need to be careful about the source of advice. In particular, online advice can be worthless at best and a scam at worst. But we need to face the fact that we can give ourselves some very bad advice, too. As Andy Stanley says, we are all great salesmen. We sell ourselves on bad ideas. The most serious scams we fall for are the ones we perpetrate on ourselves.
“Three Excellent Questions about What I Want”
I listened this morning to two excellent sermons by Andy Stanley. They are the first two messages in the series, “How to Get What You Really Want.”
Stanley points out some real obvious truths that are not all that obvious when I want something. One of those not-so-obvious truths is that most of our regrets come about because we got what we wanted. I know this only too well. So, probably, do you.
Andy concludes his second message of this series by giving us three excellent questions to ask. In my own words, here they are:
- What do I really want?
- What is dragging me away from what I really want?
- How long am I going to let this continue to happen?
Now, before I get a lot of angry comments from my loyal readers, Andy Stanley is not talking about the health-and-prosperity-name-it-and-claim-it “gospel”. He is talking about what we really would want if we knew what was good for us. Stanley makes it crystal clear that he doesn’t naturally know what we really want. And our superficial desires are killing us and others.
These are three excellent questions, and I’ve been asking them repeatedly today. These questions have kept me from eating too much, talking too much (and saying things I wish I hadn’t), and playing too much chess. The questions helped me to buckle down and work on some projects I really wanted to do, but that I didn’t want to do.
One of those tasks was writing and publishing this post. I heartily recommend these questions for your consideration and action.
“Regrets: The Good, the Bad, and the Just Plain Ugly”
“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained.” (Philippians 3:12-16, English Standard Version)
Paul was a person who had a past. Specifically, he had murdered Christians. He later became on, and often mentioned his persecution of the early church. Yes, Paul had a few regrets. But based on the Scripture that leads off this post, I would say that, even though he had regrets, Paul was determined not to let those regrets have him.
I struggle with regrets all the time. So, in addition to rereading this passage from Philippians, I decided to do a bit of online “research”. My first stop was a popularly written, helpful article in Psychology Today (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201205/the-psychology-regret, accessed 09-05-2021).
Interestingly, the author of this article pointed out that regrets can be good. As a recovering addict, I was especially struck by the following sentence, under the positive functions of regret: “Regret is a major reason why addicts get into recovery.” Yes indeed!
However, the article also points out that regret can be very bad. They can destroy us emotionally. One guy, who almost always played the same number in the lottery, did not do so one day. That was the day his usual number was the winner. He ended up with so much regret that he took his own life.
Most of us are probably not suicidal in our regrets, but our regrets can seriously compromise our ability to live in and to enjoy the present. If you know someone who is filled with regret, you know someone who is not any fun to be around. Regrets make a person uglier than they need to be.
Part of the tag line for Andy Stanley’s “Your Move” podcasts is that he wants to help us “make better decisions and live with fewer regrets.” That is a wonderful goal!
So, here is my goal for this and every day: I am going to make good decisions today, so that I am not birthing new regrets for tomorrow. Can’t do anything about the past, except learn from it. But I can, by God’s grace, do a lot about the present and the future.
No regrets!
“How to Handle a Disappointment”
I just found out that I am not going to be presenting a paper at a scholarly conference I am attending virtually. I don’t know exactly what went wrong, but it appears as if something did. The study group of which I was part isn’t even on the program.
Hurt? Yes. Angry? Yes, that too. However, I am proud of the way I’m handling this—at least, so far.
First, I am trying to find out where things went wrong. I am sending some frank (but carefully worded) emails.
Second, I am acknowledging my hurt and angry feelings. Nothing good ever comes from denying what I am feeling. Nothing! I’ve tried it a lot of times, and it never works out well.
Third, I am refusing to medicate my hurt with actions or thoughts that would numb them. Unfortunately, with us addicts, that is always a possibility. I’ve already called my sponsor and a couple of twelve-step friends to acknowledge the pain and the temptation to justify unjustifiable approaches to this pain.
Fourth, I am trying hard not to be nasty. One of my favorite mantras these days is “Don’t be a jerk!” I’ve invested more than enough time and energy in being a jerk over the years.
Fifth, I am remembering what I heard from the Apostle Peter and from the Apostle Andy Stanley (independently, I would add!) just this morning. Humility under God and with people is the key to all happy relationships. Peter says that we are to clothe ourselves with humility. Andy says that we should frequently ask the question, “What would a humble person do in this situation?” Then, we are to do it.
Sixth, I am remembering why I do scholarship in the first place. There are actually several reasons.
- I do scholarship to glorify God.
- I do scholarship because it helps me.
- I do scholarship for the benefit of others.
This paper dealt with a particularly violent event—or series of events—in the Old Testament: the coup of Jehu as recorded in 2 Kings 9-10, which is referenced in a few other places. The violence in the Old Testament is something that keeps some people from even reading the Bible, much less believing in it or in God. Even believers are troubled by it. At least, we should be. I certainly am troubled by this violence.
My paper may not ever be presented, but the study and discipline that went into it were not wasted. My study has helped me to come somewhat to terms with the violence in the Bible. More importantly, it has helped me to come to terms with the violence in me.
“The Glory of Overlooking Things”
“Prov. 19:11 Good sense makes one slow to anger,
and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” (English Standard Version)
I wasn’t very glorious the other day. In fact, I almost caused a very serious accident. The details don’t matter. What does matter is that I did not handle a highway offence in a glorious manner. Quite the contrary: I allowed a jerk to turn me into a jerk myself.
Of course, if the jerkiness had not been in me, it couldn’t have come out of me. Andy Stanley warns his listeners not to make the following statement, “I don’t know where that came from” when they’ve messed up. Andy says, “I know where it came from. It came from you!” Right! (One of the things I really like about Andy Stanley is that I don’t like a lot of what he says. But, of course, he’s right.)
It is easy to rationalize this proverb, if we simply look at most of the translations. We might think that the word translated “offence” (English Standard Version) suggests a minor offense. Nope! The Hebrew word pāšaʿ suggests a serious violation of trust. This Hebrew word is often translated as “rebellion” or “transgression”. It applies to both rebellion against God and human beings. So, it is not legitimate to say, “Oh, I do in fact overlook minor things, but when it comes to big things, I don’t overlook. I don’t even just get mad. I get even!” And it is always a big deal when someone transgresses against or offends us, isn’t it?
Choosing to overlook an offense doesn’t mean denying it or minimizing it. Rather, creative overlooking means acknowledging wrong-doing, at least to ourselves, and then thinking of the best response. My problem is that I don’t always think about the best response. I simply react. And reactors—nuclear and human reactors—are always in danger of meltdowns. Unless someone is about to pull the trigger on a gun, I almost always have time to think about my response.
And of course, there is prayer. It may need to be short. (“Help God!” comes to mind as being about the proper length of such prayers.)
God, help us to slow down today. Help us to think about our responses. Help us to make glorious choices about how to respond to wrong-doings today. Deliver us from becoming the same kinds of jerks that offend us.
Yes indeed!
“The Priority of Being”
“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Jesus, according to Luke 6:45, English Standard Version)
A twelve-step reading this morning pointed out that being is prior to doing. What we do, if it is to have any real and lasting impact for good, must come from our being.
Joyce Meyer says, “We are human beings, not human doings.” I agree.
And yet, the doings are so much easier to do, than the being is to be. Besides, doings are expected by others. Many of them don’t care about our being. They can’t access that.
On the other hand, to expect good actions from a human being who is corrupt in his/her very core is like expecting to use a microwave to mow your lawn.
So, how do I pay attention to being the best version of myself today, and thus preparing to be an even better human being tomorrow? I wish I knew, but I don’t. But I do have some suspicions.
Suspicion # 1: I can generally improve at most things whenever I pay attention. A good question to ask throughout the day is, “What am I really being right now?” It is a difficult question to ask, and even harder to answer. Most of the good questions are difficult to ask or to answer. That is one way to know that they are good questions.
Suspicion # 2: My being is closely related to whether I realize that I have the right and the responsibility to be on this planet. I will act in accordance with what I believe at this point. If I don’t have the right to be here—something I’ve struggled with since I was knee-high to a grasshopper—I will regard all my doings as irrelevant. A good affirmation for me or for you is this: Today I am believing that I have the right to be here.
Suspicion # 3: The best way for me to monitor my being (and to become a better human being) is to ask what is my motivation in this situation? Whence does this thought, word, feeling, action, attitude come? Again, I’ve learned from Andy Stanley to use the word “really.” What is my motivation, really?
Suspicion # 4: While being is more important than doing, and while being precedes doing, the two are mutually reinforcing. My being affects my doing, but the converse is also true. If I am doing good things, that can positively reinforce my being-ness. And, of course, if I am doing bad things, that is going to harm my very being. Like any married couple, you must distinguish between being and doing, but they do in fact have an effect on one another, for good or ill.
I am tempted at this point to quote (entirely out of context), the words from Jesus, “What God has joined together, may humans not cut in two!”
I wonder if it would hurt my being if I yielded to the temptation? I’m going to go for it!
“What God has joined together, may humans not cut in two!”
“On Not Giving Up”
I was thinking about giving up.
I was listening to an Andy Stanley sermon titled, “You’re Not the Boss of Me.” Part 1 was difficult to hear, in view of how all-over-the-map my emotions are right now. It is hard for me to tell my emotions, “You’re not the boss of me,” when they are being particularly bossy.
As I walked, I listened to Andy Stanley’s “You’re Not the Boss of Me,” part 2. It was about guilt. The first ten minutes were, even by Andy’s own admission, pretty depressing. He was warning about trying to deny, or minimize, or blame someone else for the harmful things we’ve done. My walk and my listening were getting more and more depressed and depressing.
What was the use of trying to get clean and honest? It had not brought healing to my children, to my wife, to others I had harmed. Had it even brought healing to me? Telling the truth as best I could had simply caused others to wonder what else I might be hiding. What was the point of anything? Why not just give up?
Just as Andy Stanley was making the turn toward the fact that Jesus had died for all our sins and guilt, that we were no longer condemned or defined by our guilt, I made the turn down one of the cull-de-sacs. I finally had enough courage to look up from my blue running shoes, and there, in a yard at the turn of the street, was a sign:
DON’T GIVE UP
This seemed very strange, in view of what I had just been listening to, and feeling, and thinking. “Surely, this is a mirage,” I said to myself.
But, no, it wasn’t a mirage. It was still stubbornly there as I got closer.
I knew the couple who lived there—slightly. We had chatted a few times when we were out walking in the neighborhood. So, I walked up the sidewalk, and rang the doorbell. The man of the house came to the door.
“I needed to see your sign,” I said.
“Thanks,” he said. “I’ve got several of them at work as well.”
“Is this some sort of program?” I asked.
“It is to encourage young people who are depressed or suicidal,” he replied.
“I’m afraid it isn’t just young people who struggle with depression or suicidal tendencies,” I said, fighting back the tears. “Your sign was just what I needed to see. Thanks.”
I continued my walk. Another street, another cul-de-sac. When I made the turn at the end of the cul-de-sac, I looked up and there was the lady of the DON’T-GIVE-UP house walking toward me. She walked with me a while, and she talked a bit about why they had the sign, and how the signs were the brainchild of a concerned person on the West Coast. The lady left me with a card for a free mental health program and a prayer. “You are an angel of God for me today,” I said to her. Only just now, I remembered that her name was Angela.
Sometimes, we all need a sign from God. And sometimes, the sign is a sign.
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
- “Even a Sliver of Light” April 9, 2024“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” (2 Corinthians 5:6, English Standard Version) I missed the total eclipse yesterday. There were a number of good reasons for this, but […]
- “The Process in Miracles and the Miracle of Process” March 11, 2024“2 Kings 5:1 Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Syria, was a great man with his master and in high favor, because by him the LORD had given victory to Syria. He was a mighty man of valor, but he was a leper. 2 Now the Syrians on one of their raids […]
- “The Power of Encouragement—Even for Old People” March 10, 2024“But encourage each other every day while it is ‘today.’ Help each other so none of you will become hardened because sin has tricked you.” (Hebrews 3:13, New Century Version) Yesterday, I was walking at a nearby park. There was a large group of young people some of whom were running while other young people […]
- “Endurance” March 10, 2024“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.” (Hebrews 10:36, English Standard Version) “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us […]
- “The Limits of Non-Judgmentalism” February 24, 2024“Matt. 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. Matt. 7:2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:1-2, English Standard Version) This morning, in my virtual 12-step meeting, we discussed the topic of judgmentalism. There were many wise […]
- “Delighting in Being Told What to Do?!?” February 23, 2024“Psa. 112:1 Praise the LORD! Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments! 2 His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. 3 Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures […]
- “Character is the Real Lesson” January 19, 2024I am often confused about what lesson I’m really supposed to be learning. For example, this morning I was trying to knock out several Spanish lessons. My intentions were a lot better than my internet connection. I’ve done three lessons. Or rather, I’ve done two lessons. One of them I did twice because the internet […]
- “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked” January 1, 2024Each year, I try to come up with one word or a short phrase for what I intend to work on in the upcoming year. 2024 is “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked”. What?!! What does that even mean? So glad that you asked! Jesus said to his disciples, “Why do you look at the speck […]
- “Searching for the Noble One” December 26, 2023My wife and I were reading Luke, chapter 2 on Christmas Day. Luke 2 talks about the shepherds being told to look for this very special child—in fact, this King—in a stable. I prefer the word “barn”. I grew up on a farm. I know what a barn is. A stable is entirely too biblical […]
- “That Don’t Impress God Much” December 14, 2023DTEB, “That Don’t Impress God Much” “That Don’t Impress Me Much” (Song by Robert John Lange and Shania Twain) Micah 6:8 (MSG) “But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be […]
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