Monthly Archives: November 2017
“Character Defects and Trusting God: #Iamtheproblem”
What is my central problem? My character defects! My central problem isn’t society. It isn’t women. It isn’t political persons or affairs. It isn’t my past or my future. My central problems is the fault lines in my own heart and soul.
#IamtheProblem!
And what are my character defects? They are many!
But is there a character defect that feeds all the others?
I don’t know, and maybe it isn’t important that I know. However, I do have a suspicion. I suspect that I don’t trust God. That, I think, is the central problem.
If I really trusted God, I would trust that he has given me enough, that I therefore have enough, do enough, and am enough.
Even if I am empty—as I am a good deal of the time—I would see that emptiness as a God-given emptiness.
Today, moment by moment, I will choose to trust God. I will trust and see what happens. There don’t have to be any signs or miracles. I will simply choose to trust that there is a God and that God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek God (Hebrews 11:6).
I will begin by trusting God to give me the strength to trust God.
“My Career as an Astronomer”
I have decided to reactivate my dream of being an astronomer.
When we were vacationing in Arizona, my wife and I toured the Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff. We toured the facility during the morning, and came back that night to gaze through telescopes.
My mind went back to the sixth grade. I tried to found an astronomy club at my school. I had done some reading in a very old partial set of encyclopedias that my parents had been given. Fortunately, the “S” volume (as in “Solar System”) and the “A” volume (“A” is for “Astronomy”) were more or less intact. I will freely confess that I did not really understand everything I read. In fact, I mostly looked at the pictures. However, it was enough. I was going to be an astronomer, so I decided to start an astronomy club at school.
I got several people to sign up for my club. However, one of the members (whom I will call Donny Jones) was one of those people who rains on every parade. He was very smart, but his kindness was exceedingly underdeveloped. He pointed out that I was not very good at mathematics (which was true), and that astronomy required people who are good at math (which may or may not be entirely true).
The astronomy club dissolved like snow on a day in mid-April. So did my dream of being an astronomer. I hadn’t thought about this for many years (decades?) until I visited the observatory.
But the deeper problem wasn’t Donny Jones or even my math skills. The problem was that I allowed a few unkind words to derail me. Of course, now that I am all grown up, and indeed old, that is no longer a problem.
Right!
Well, it shouldn’t be a problem. However, I still allow it to be a problem. And the truth is that the discouragement doesn’t always come from outside. The problem is that I am frequently my own “Donny Jones.”
Step 1: I want to learn or do something.
Sep 2: I think of all the reasons I can’t learn or do that particular thing.
Step 3: I get frustrated.
Step 4: I give up.
What I really need is an exorcism. I need a demon named “My Personal Donny Jones” to be cast out.
Of course, we don’t generally call people who are called exorcists, do we? Instead, we make an appointment with a modern-day exorcist, but we call them “psychiatrists” or “psychologists.” And they really can and do help. I have gone through extensive counseling through the years, and have found that such counseling can be very helpful.
But the problem is this: No matter how much counseling I have received, Donny Jones keeps showing up in my mind. Sometimes, I invite him in. At other times, he sneaks in a window or door that I forgot to lock. I sometimes don’t even recognize him. He is a master of disguise.
For example, I was planning to write for at least an-hour-and-fifteen minutes today. However, a voice whispered to me, “That is a long time. Perhaps the goal is unrealistic. After all, you did post a blog today that you wrote a couple of days ago.”
Shut up, Donny Jones! And get out of my head, durn your miserable hide!
So, today, I am going to look at some pictures of Saturn on line. I’m going to think about astronomy. Who knows? I may even learn something about math.
“CULTIVATING MY INNER OBSERVER”
“For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. (Romans 8:16 NLT)”
“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.” (Ephesians 3:16 NTL)
At our twelve-step meeting the other day, we read a brief section from a recovery book that dealt with creating an “inner observer” that is “discerning, honest, and wise.”
I was somewhat familiar with this concept. Some of my familiarity came from reading good books and listening to wise people. However, another source of my familiarity came from a dream that I had.
Sometimes, I have very vivid dreams. At the end of one of these vivid dreams, just before I awoke, I noticed that there was someone standing in the shadows observing everything that was going on. I walked up to him, unable to see his face, and asked, “Who are you?”
He replied, “Who is it who asks?”
And with that, I awoke. I cannot remember the dream at all, but I have been haunted ever since by this mystery man’s question.
I have encountered the idea of a neutral “inner observer” before. In fact, I may have encountered this idea before my dream. That prior encounter may have provided the raw material for that aspect of my dream. That would go far toward explaining the question and the questioner. However, explaining something and understanding something are not the same thing.
My current (and very preliminary) way of understanding my inner observer may be described as follows.
I have several voices in my head. (I realize that talking about “hearing voices” may raise serious issues about my mental health. However, I suspect that it is a well-nigh universal phenomenon among humans.)
One voice I call “The Judge.” He criticizes everything I do. Even when I do well, it is never enough.
Another voice is “The Justifier.” He excuses everything I do. There are always extenuating circumstances in the mind of the justifier.
Then there is my “Inner Observer.” He is the one without a face, the one who tends to answer a question with a question. He is easily ignored. His voice is hard to hear in the midst of the noise I create. He usually tells me the truth, but I don’t always (often?) like the truth.
When I do listen to him, my life goes better. I practiced listening to him on Saturday, and at the end of the day, my wife said, out of the clear blue sky, “I like the way you’ve treated me today.”
This inner voice’s strength and clarity can be nourished from outside by God, by meditation, by good reading, by wise counsel from others. But I have to choose to slow down and listen.
And then there is the little matter of doing what The Voice says!
“ON OPENING MY EYES WHEN I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THEM CLOSED (AND SEEING ANOTHER KID WITH HIS EYES OPEN)”
“Judge not!” (Matthew 7:1)
“ ‘Jesus’ instructions with regard to judging others is very simply put; He says, “Don’t.’ ” (Oswald Chambers)
I was probably about five- or six-years old when I noticed that another boy in my Sunday School class had not closed his eyes when the teacher told us that we should all close our eyes and pray.
I, of course, knew that I had to inform the teacher of this infraction. (Hey! Someone has to keep law and order, and hold back the chaos!) The teacher thanked me, and went on with the class. I’m not sure if she had to suppress irritation or a laugh. Maybe both.
Since then, I have become much better at trying to disguise my judgmentalism. I wish I were better from it, but I can’t honestly say that. No, I am better at trying to disguise my judgmentalism.
Take driving, for example. I hate it when people weave in and out of traffic. It keeps me from effectively weaving in and out of traffic.
My wife is a really good woman, and my best friend. However, every once in a very great while, she forgets to turn off a light when she leaves a room, and I feel a deep-seated need to point that out—despite the fact that my dad used to do that, and I swore I would never do that.
However, I sometimes forget to turn off one or more lights when I leave a room. That is, of course, an entirely different matter.
And then there are the big things that I judge other people for. There are also the similar, but even bigger, things that I (the judge) have done.
So, what can I do to grow past my young, judgmental, tattle-tale-ish self?
Well, for one thing, I can try to pay attention. When am I feeling judgmental and/or thinking judgmental thoughts? Awareness is not growth or holiness or compassion, but it can be a prelude to those good things.
I can ask myself a simple, but uncomfortable, question: In what way or ways is my behavior similar to what I am judging in the other person? Often the things we are most irritated with in other people are precisely the things that we are struggling with in ourselves. Or, more often perhaps, they are precisely the things that we are not struggling with in ourselves.
The truth is that judging other people is one of my favorite sports. However, it doesn’t burn very many calories, nor does it tone up any muscles. In fact, judging doesn’t do anything good at all. It doesn’t help me or the person I’m judging. It doesn’t glorify God.
Are there times when a person needs to be confronted about what they are doing? Yes! However, if I have my rebuker in overdrive, the problem is mine, and not the other person’s problem.
“FEEDING THE GOOD WOLF”
“10 Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
11 Do this, knowing the time, that it is already the hour for you to awaken from sleep; for now salvation is nearer to us than when we believed.
12 The night is almost gone, and the day is near. Therefore let us lay aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.
13 Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy.
14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.” (Romans 13:10-1, New American Standard, 1995)
No doubt, most of you have heard the story about the two wolves. There are variations of it scattered through various American Indian tribes.
My favorite version says that a young boy went to his grandfather for counsel because of a recurring dream the boy was having. In the dreams, two wolves were fighting to the death. One was brave, generous, and good. The other was vicious, indeed evil. Both were strong. The boy felt that both wolves were within himself.
The grandfather listened intently. After finishing his story about the dreams, the young boy asked, “Grandfather, which wolf will win?”
The grandfather replied, “Whichever one you feed.”
I know how to feed the evil wolf within me. I’ve had lots of experience. But, what do I do to feed the good wolf within me? I think I know that, too. It isn’t knowing that matters, however. It is doing.
So, what do I do to feed the good wolf inside me? Let me list a few things that work for me. Some are probably unique to me. Some may be universal. Other ways of feeding the good wolf may be helpful to some folks, but not to others. As we say in 12-step work, “Take what you like, and leave the rest.”
- Getting enough rest feeds the good wolf.
- Being active physically feeds the good wolf.
- Eating regular, properly portioned, healthy meals feeds the good wolf.
- Having good, clean fun feeds the good wolf.
- Listening to good music feeds the good wolf.
- Spending time with people I really like feeds the good wolf.
- Spending time outside feeds the good wolf.
- Helping others feeds the good wolf.
- Making lists and putting checkmarks by things I’ve done feeds to good wolf.
- Doing housework feeds the good wolf. (My wife would be justifiably pleased if I fed the good wolf in this manner a little more consistently.)
- Reading (or rereading) really good books, poems, and stories feeds the good wolf.
- Writing is another way of feeding the good wolf.
I think I’ll feed the good wolf a lot today! Writing and publishing this blog is one step.
“CONSISTENCY IN LIVING AND THE RIGHT TO WORSHIP”
“Psalm 15:1 A psalm of David. LORD, who may be a guest in your home? Who may live on your holy hill? 2 Whoever lives a blameless life, does what is right, and speaks honestly. 3 He does not slander, or do harm to others, or insult his neighbor. 4 He despises a reprobate, but honors the LORD's loyal followers. He makes firm commitments and does not renege on his promise. 5 He does not charge interest when he lends his money. He does not take bribes to testify against the innocent. The one who lives like this will never be upended.” (New English Translation) “Psalm 15: 1 God, who gets invited to dinner at your place? How do we get on your guest list? 2 ‘Walk straight, act right, tell the truth. 3 ‘Don't hurt your friend, don't blame your neighbor; 4 despise the despicable. ‘Keep your word even when it costs you, 5 make an honest living, never take a bribe. ‘You'll never get blacklisted if you live like this.’” (The Message)
The story is told of a pastor who showed up for Sunday morning worship, only to find a long line of people waiting to enter. They were being questioned by one of the deacons, and then they were being turned away. No one was entering.
When the pastor got to the door, he was really angry. “What are you doing?!” he asked the deacon. It was not a question; it was an accusation.
The deacon calmly explained, “Oh, pastor, I’m asking people how they have lived this week. Only those who have made a serious attempt to live the Christian life are being allowed in.”
“Oh!” said the pastor, somewhat mollified. He started to walk past the deacon to enter the sanctuary, but the deacon put out his arm to stop him. “No, pastor, I’m sorry, but you can’t go in either.”
At this point, the pastor awoke from his dream. Or was it a nightmare?
Now, in a sense, the story is way off-base. Jesus welcomes sinners of all kinds, even us religious ones. Jesus came for riff-raff like you and me. In fact, even those of us who are the most riff-raffy are greatly beloved and accepted.
In another sense, perhaps the story of the pastor’s dream is pretty biblical.
Take Psalm 15, for example. Scholars often refer to as an “Entrance Torah/Teaching.” Some have argued that the worshipers asked the questions in verse 1, and the priest or temple official (or officials) responded antiphonally with vss. 2-5. Only after this could people enter in order to worship in the temple.
I don’t know if that is true. Maybe so, maybe no. But what is true is that this psalm closely links our worship with our daily lives. Whether we’re telling the truth, honoring the right people, being kind and generous—these matters are radically important when we go to worship God.
And it’s not just a matter of external “good deeds.” Notice vs. 2. In Hebrew, it sets forth as one of the entrance qualifications “speaking the truth in his heart.” There is a profound truth implied in that little phrase: We always lie to ourselves first. Real worship begins with telling ourselves the truth. We all delight in telling other people the truth about their lives (or, at least, what we think is the truth about their lives.) However, it is recognizing the truths about ourselves that is part of the qualification for worship.
The Hebrew in vs. 2 is very interesting. Each of the verbs is a participle—“living” (literally, “walking”), “doing” and “speaking.” In Hebrew, participles sometimes suggest ongoing or continual action that flows out of the very being of a person. This verse may be reminding us that their needs to be a consistency to our lives. This is a consistency of both doing and being.
The ending of verse 5 also has a participle. This may serve to drive home the point that, if we do not wish to be “shaken,” we need to be unshakably consistent in our daily living, if we wish to worship God in a meaningful fashion.
So, does this amount to “salvation by our own works”? I don’t think so. In point of fact, I believe that there is only One Person since the Garden of Eden who really had the right to worship God in the temple or anywhere else, and that his name is Jesus. He is the only qualified worshiper. He opens the door for the rest of us rag-tag worshipers.
However, Psalm 15:2-5 still stands guard over true worship. If we want to worship God, we had better at least be striving to be consistently people of integrity.
“WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN I’M DEPRESSED”
I am a little depressed today. The problem with being a little depressed is that depression grows up really quickly.
It might be helpful to list some of the things that I think are contributing to my depression. Here they are, complete with bullet points.
- I haven’t been sleeping well.
- I got some bad news (at least, it seems bad for me) about one of my jobs.
- A good friend and I exchanged some unkind words recently.
- I was back up to 170 pounds this morning. (Hey! Do you want an honest blog post or not?!)
- I don’t do well with cold, gray days. (I may have a touch of seasonal affective disorder—or maybe I just don’t like cold, gray days.)
- I’m depressed because I’m depressed.
That last contributing factor is the most serious one. The really devastating thing about depression is that it feeds on itself. The words of Frederick Buechner about anger come to mind.
“Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back–in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”
The same may be said of depression. In fact, some psychologists think that depression is anger turned inward.
When you’re depressed, you don’t want to do anything. There is a particular to aversion to doing anything that might help you get out of the depression.
So, I am trying to do only things I don’t feel like doing for the rest of the day.
- In fact, I have already taken a nap. Take that, depression!
- I don’t feel like taking care of or playing with our puppy, so that is what I have done and will do several more times before I go into work.
- I don’t feel like shaving, so I will.
- I don’t feel like exercising, so I will go out and walk for two miles.
- I don’t feel like going into work, but I will anyway.
- I don’t feel like posting anything on my blog, but I will anyway.
Hey! I feel a little better already!
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
- “Even a Sliver of Light” April 9, 2024“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” (2 Corinthians 5:6, English Standard Version) I missed the total eclipse yesterday. There were a number of good reasons for this, but […]
- “The Process in Miracles and the Miracle of Process” March 11, 2024“2 Kings 5:1 Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Syria, was a great man with his master and in high favor, because by him the LORD had given victory to Syria. He was a mighty man of valor, but he was a leper. 2 Now the Syrians on one of their raids […]
- “The Power of Encouragement—Even for Old People” March 10, 2024“But encourage each other every day while it is ‘today.’ Help each other so none of you will become hardened because sin has tricked you.” (Hebrews 3:13, New Century Version) Yesterday, I was walking at a nearby park. There was a large group of young people some of whom were running while other young people […]
- “Endurance” March 10, 2024“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.” (Hebrews 10:36, English Standard Version) “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us […]
- “The Limits of Non-Judgmentalism” February 24, 2024“Matt. 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. Matt. 7:2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:1-2, English Standard Version) This morning, in my virtual 12-step meeting, we discussed the topic of judgmentalism. There were many wise […]
- “Delighting in Being Told What to Do?!?” February 23, 2024“Psa. 112:1 Praise the LORD! Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments! 2 His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. 3 Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures […]
- “Character is the Real Lesson” January 19, 2024I am often confused about what lesson I’m really supposed to be learning. For example, this morning I was trying to knock out several Spanish lessons. My intentions were a lot better than my internet connection. I’ve done three lessons. Or rather, I’ve done two lessons. One of them I did twice because the internet […]
- “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked” January 1, 2024Each year, I try to come up with one word or a short phrase for what I intend to work on in the upcoming year. 2024 is “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked”. What?!! What does that even mean? So glad that you asked! Jesus said to his disciples, “Why do you look at the speck […]
- “Searching for the Noble One” December 26, 2023My wife and I were reading Luke, chapter 2 on Christmas Day. Luke 2 talks about the shepherds being told to look for this very special child—in fact, this King—in a stable. I prefer the word “barn”. I grew up on a farm. I know what a barn is. A stable is entirely too biblical […]
- “That Don’t Impress God Much” December 14, 2023DTEB, “That Don’t Impress God Much” “That Don’t Impress Me Much” (Song by Robert John Lange and Shania Twain) Micah 6:8 (MSG) “But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be […]
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