Monthly Archives: September 2018
“OF CIGARETTE BUTTS AND OTHER IMPORTANT MATTERS”
I picked up a blog post along with cigarette butts this morning.
My wife and I are visiting friends of ours in West Virginia. Two of our friends were picking up trash for the Adopt-A-Highway Program, and I decided to tag along.
Almost immediately, I realized that I needed to make an important decision. Did I pick up cigarette butts or not? Given the fact that I am slow and not terribly well coordinated, I initially thought, “Nah, I think not.”
But then, I reflected that if everyone took that approach, it wouldn’t take very long at all before there were an overwhelming number of cigarette butts along the side of the road. Eventually, there would be so many butts that no one would tackle them. The butts would take over the world—or, at least, the roadside.
This leads me to a bigger issue than cigarette butts: the issue of little things in general. There are a lot of little things that I don’t pick up, or pick up on. There are little things that might help my physical health—or compromise it. There are little things that I can do to show my wife how much she means to me. There are also little mean-nesses that can harm our relationship.
Someone has said, “When I see how important little things are, I wonder if there really are any little things.” There is an ancient proverb that says, “He who despises little things will fall little by little.” Afraid so!
There is another saying that I have heard that reflects this same thought:
For the loss of a nail, the horse’s shoe was lost.
For the loss of a shoe, the horse was lost.
For the loss of the horse, the soldier was lost.
For the loss the soldier, the battle was lost.
For the loss of the battle, the war was lost.
Exaggerated? Maybe. But then again, maybe not.
So, today, I will ask myself two questions. What little bad things can I avoid? What little good things can I do?
I will answer by acting accordingly.
“CONSEQUENCES AND FRESH STARTS”
I believe in two contradictory things—consequences and fresh starts. They are always in tension, but sometimes, they are in an almost unbearable tension.
Take the hypothetical case of someone who is being considered for a very high (but hypothetical) position in a very hypothetical country. This hypothetical candidate is accused of a serious crime which may or may not be hypothetical. His accuser seems quite believable and sure of her accusation. He seems quite certain of his own innocence.
His hypothetical wrong-doing was a long time ago. He was young. His accuser was young. Should we key in on this hypothetical person experiencing the consequences of his past actions, or should we invoke the law of fresh starts?
This is not hypothetical when it comes to my own life. I have both experienced serious (and, no doubt, well deserved) consequences for my past actions, and I have been given a fresh start. Both have been important.
Some people that I love (most notably, my wife) have emphasized a fresh start. Others (most notably, my children) have emphasized consequences. One of the consequences is that my children don’t have anything to do with me. My wife and I, however, are still together. In fact, we are more in love than ever.
I wish that there were a clear dividing line between consequences and fresh starts. The “were” in the preceding sentence was very intentional, and suggests the unreality of my wish. There is no such dividing line. It is never clear, except in entirely hypothetical cases, which way a person, a family, a country, should go.
God, grant us enough consequences to take our own wrong-doing and that of others seriously enough. Grant us also enough fresh starts to keep us from ultimate despair.
“SECOND CHANCES FOR DOGS AND OTHER CRITTERS”
I don’t suppose that this comes as a total surprise, but I am not always a good person. I’m a much better man than I used to be, but sometimes the old me makes an appearance.
So, last night I lost my temper with our one-year-old-still-a-chewy-puppy. Why?
There was one “reason” in the puppy’s behavior, and a whole raft of (non) “reasons” in me. The dog chewed up some things, most notably an insert from my wife’s shoe.
What about the (non)reasons in me? I was mad at myself because I hadn’t closed and latched the bedroom door when I was putting the sheets on the bed, which had allowed her puppyhood in. I was angry because I had eaten a whole bunch of sweets. I was angry because . . ., oh, who knows why I was angry! I was just plain angry!
Now, of course dogs—especially puppies—do chew things up. It’s what they do. However, this seemed a little more important to me because we are planning to visit friends in West Virginia in a few days. I don’t want Laylah chewing our hosts out of house and home.
So, after I had smacked Laylah on the nose (not hard enough to make her yelp, thank God!), I put the dog in the crate for a little while, stormed into the living room, where my wife was watching “The Voice,” and announced, in no uncertain terms that Laylah was not going with us. We would either leave her in the kennel, or we just wouldn’t go!
Then I stormed back to my desk to read a book about how to understand the Bible better.
After I had calmed down a bit, I let Laylah out of the crate, and she scooted into the living room and jumped up on the recliner to be with my wife, to be with someone who loves her.
Later, on my way upstairs, I had to pass through the living room. This ended up taking a bit longer than I had thought it would. From the recliner, two sets of eyes were looking at me with a heart-melting mixture of accusation and the desire for mercy. Laylah didn’t say much, but my wife said, “Everybody deserves a second chance.”
And, of course, she was right. How many chances has my sweetheart given me? I’ve lost track, but it’s a lot. Laylah is going with us.
Do you need a second chance? Or, perhaps, a 2,000,000th chance?
Well, join the club! It’s a very large one, but there is room for you. If there’s room for Laylah and me, there’s room for anyone.
“UNMISTAKABLE DAWN: GRADUALLY, IT DAWNS ON YOU . . .”
“The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.” (Proverbs 4:18.New International Version.)
“By surrendering our lives to God as we understand Him, we are changed. The nature of this change is evident in recovered alcoholics. This personality change is not necessarily in the nature of a sudden and spectacular upheaval. We do not need to acquire an immediate and overwhelming God consciousness, followed at once by a vast change in feeling and outlook. In most cases, the change is gradual. Do I see a gradual and continuing change in myself?” (From the book, Twenty-Four Hours a Day.)
The dawn never really comes suddenly, although at times we notice it suddenly. At first, it may seem a little less dark than before. Eventually, it seems that there is a little more light, though you may still think that you are engaging in wishful thinking. But eventually, the dawn has arrived unmistakably.
There is a song that says, “I know this light won’t last forever.” But there certainly are seemingly forever-nights. However, it is not so. If we stick around, the dawn will come.
Perhaps this entire mortal life we are living is one long night. It probably seems so for all of us at times. And for some people, night is all they know all of their lives.
However, the Bible talks about Heaven as a place of light. Occasionally, I think I see a glimmer of it on the horizon, but night has a way of reasserting itself. And on dreary cloudy days, it is difficult to believe that there is a sun.
As I write this, the sun appears to be attempting to make an appearance. I suspect that it will only be a cameo appearance, if it shows up at all. However, I believe that this entire life is a rehearsal for the real performance. We can all be stars in that performance, if we choose to be.
And the lighting will be perfect!
“A BEAUTIFUL MIND”
I had not seen the movie “A Beautiful Mind” before last night. My twelve-step friends had mentioned it several times, so I finally decided to watch it. I’m going to yell at my friends after the next meeting. I ended up with a terrible sinus headache from crying so much. Thanks a lot, guys!
SPOILER ALERT! If you haven’t seen the movie, I’m going to spoil it for you, so stop reading right now!
. . .
Okay, you’ve been warned!
So, the movie is loosely based on a true story about a man, John Nash, who is a brilliant mathematician. He is recruited by the U.S. government to work decoding Russian instructions to sleeper cells in America. The sleeper cells are planning to detonate nuclear devices.
It starts out at Princeton University, but fairly quickly it turns into a spy thriller. You realize that this brilliant mathematician is in way over his head.
But eventually, his wife realizes, and we the viewers realize that he is really in over his head in a very different way: Nash has constructed an alternative reality. He isn’t working for the government. The people he interacts with aren’t real. He is, in fact, schizophrenic.
His imaginary people never entirely disappear, but he learns to ignore them. His wife, against all strict logic, stays with him. Eventually, he becomes a well-beloved professor, and wins the Nobel Prize.
The real story, like all real stories, is much messier than the Hollywood version, but it is a good movie in my opinion. And while I’ve never been diagnosed as schizophrenic, I did identify with Nash. Here’s why.
For years, I have struggled with various addictions. While there are many useful ways to look at addictions, but perhaps they all boil down to a few simple non-realisms: the desire to be in control and the illusion that I was in control, the desire for pleasure without the pain of commitment, and an extremely skewed image of myself, God, and everyone and everything else.
And, of course, I still hear the voices calling to me. The difference is that these days, I ignore the voices. In a sense, we all hear voices. We need to decide which ones we’ll listen to.
“Balancing What I Need to Do and What I Enjoy Doing”
Have you ever said or written something, and then wondered what you meant by that? I had that experience just now. I was writing my daily e mail report and affirmation to send them to my sponsor. Here is my affirmation for today:
“Today, by God’s grace, I am balancing doing what I enjoy doing and what I need to do. When I do this by God’s grace, I am discovering that what I enjoy doing and what I need to do are the same thing.”
There are things I need to do—lots of them. They range from cleaning the bathroom, to taking care of the dog, to preparing for a class I’m teaching tomorrow at the university, to helping my wife lead our community group this evening.
And there are things I would enjoy doing. They range from taking a ride on the Little Miami Bike Trail to taking a nap this afternoon. (I will try not to do both of these things at the same time.)
In this context, it was the second sentence of my affirmation that struck me, and that I am trying to understand. Can those two things—what I need to do and what I enjoy doing—really be one?
I think that the short answer is, Yes! However, as with most short answers, this “Yes!” needs to be unpacked.
Can necessity and enjoyment be one? Yes, but the word “can” is crucial here. The unity of “need-to” and “enjoyment of” is possible, but not inevitable. We all know people (and some of us have been those people) who never enjoy anything—even things they enjoy! If that sounds like a contradiction in terms, it is. But we’ve probably all experienced that, either with other people or with our own selves.
In his book The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis has one of his characters (who is in hell) say, “I now see that I spent most of my life in doing neither what I ought nor what I liked.” I do believe that there is hell. I don’t know if people are that honest and aware in hell. But sometimes, I do suspect that some of us occasionally visit the suburbs of hell. Any time when we don’t do what we need to do or what we enjoy doing, we are probably flirting with hell. And rest assured that hell will always flirt back.
And perhaps, on the other side of the equation, one aspect of Heaven is that those who are there have discovered a way to make necessity and enjoyment one. Perhaps the last stanza of Robert Frost’s poem, “Two Tamps in Mud Time” strikes the right balance, which is Unity. Frost pictures a man (himself?) splitting wood when two unemployed lumberjacks walk by. One of them stands to watch, and the man splitting wood knows only too well that the lumberjack is silently asking for work to make some money. And the necessity of one man trumps the enjoyment of another man.
But Frost ends with the following observation:
“But yield who will to their separation,
My object in living is to unite
My avocation and my vocation
As my two eyes make one in sight.
Only where love and need are one,
And the work is play for mortal stakes,
Is the deed ever really done
For Heaven and the future’s sakes.”
So, today, by God’s grace—and only by God’s grace can I do this—I will balance and unify what I need to do and what I enjoy doing. Writing this blog post is a first step.
“AM I ALREADY THERE AND JUST DON’T KNOW IT?”
A friend of mine told me a hilarious story that has left me pondering a serious matter.
My friend and I were talking about the danger of becoming old, crotchety guys. I said, “Man, I don’t ever want to become demanding and hard to please.”
He replied, “I once said something like that to my family, and I added, ‘If I ever become like that, just take me in the back yard and shoot me!’” Immediately, his teen-age daughter grabbed him by the wrist, and began dragging him toward the back door.
Now, of course, if he had really been that bad, his daughter would have probably been too afraid to do what she did.
However, this funny story causes me to wonder: Am I already becoming what I don’t want to be? It’s an easy question to ask, but no easy to answer. In fact, I’m not altogether sure that I even want to answer it. Still, I’m learning to sit with hard questions, without trying to squirm out of them prematurely.
And here is the deal: Crotchetiness is like body odor; it creeps up on you, and you never smell it yourself. Other people certainly are aware of it, but we are not. Like all qualities, good or bad, becoming demanding and hard to live with take possession of us slowly.
So, every now and then, I check in with my wife and friends. Fortunately, I have people who love me with the truth. What a blessing!
Still, I need to be careful. It is always possible for character to deteriorate. Good character development is never a default position.
And, of course, God often uses funny stories to get inside my head. They rattle around and unsettle me in ways that I need to be unsettled.
You too?
“UNSWERVING LOVE”
“ ‘Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.’ 18 And when Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more.” (Ruth 1:16-18)
These words frequently used to be spoken in weddings—and rightly so! They represent the best mindset for beginning and continuing a good, loving, committed relationship. The fact that such solemn words often prove to be a hollow promise does not indicate their hollowness, but our own hollowness.
Of course, the words were not originally written for a wedding. They were spoken by a daughter-in-law to her mother-in-law. And they were spoken by the daughter-in-law after her husband was dead!
This makes the words even more striking. After her husband is dead, and when Ruth’s mother-in-law, Naomi, is on her way back to her homeland, her foreign, Moabite daughter-in-law, Ruth, utters these words of unswerving love.
Now, Ruth was a Moabitess, a fact that the narrator of this story hammers into our ears and brains. In the four short chapters of this book, we are told again and again that Ruth was a Moabitess.
How’s come?
If you do even a brief study of the relationship between Moab and Israel/Judah in the Old Testament, you will quickly discover that, as a general rule, these two neighboring countries did not get along with one another. That is an understatement. They hated one another would be closer to the truth.
And yet, there is Ruth, and her unswerving love. As it turns out, she is a great grandmother of King David.
The words of Ruth are a wonderful expression of her unswerving love for Naomi. Ruth’s words were backed up by a wonderfully unswerving life. These words are a wonderful challenge and example for us all.
And yet, I heard something this morning in this ancient story, something that was not explicitly said. I heard God speaking, not only about one human’s unswerving love for another human being, but also about God’s unswerving love for us all.
You can read the long and haunting poem by Francis Thompson, “The Hound of Heaven” to know one man’s struggle to evade the unswerving love of God. Or you can read the Old Testament, concerning God’s unswerving love for the people of Israel.
Or you can read the New Testament concerning God’s unswerving love for all mankind. Apparently, even death by crucifixion cannot cause God’s love to swerve.
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
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