Monthly Archives: August 2020
“No Regrets? Not Yet.”
“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.” (Alcoholics Anonymous: The Big Book, pages 83-84)
These are wonderful promises. With some of them, I have already begun to experience their reality. Others, I think I can see from a distance.
But not regretting the past or wishing to shut the door on it? No, I do not experience that promise. I wonder why I don’t? And serenity and peace? Sometimes, yes. Often, not.
Perhaps my problem is that I don’t take seriously enough the following sentence: “No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.” The antidote to regret is using my past to benefit others.
How do I use my past—particularly those parts of the past that I would love to forget but can’t—to benefit others? One way might be to understand some of my fellow-strugglers’ problems. One of the worst aspects of any struggle is the feeling of aloneness. If I can honestly say to someone who feels isolated and uniquely evil, “No, dear brother/sister, you are not alone,” that may help that person in and of itself. One of the services of all support and recovery groups is the awareness that we are not terminally unique.
There is a saying among us 12-steppers that “when you’re struggling in your own recovery, find someone to help who is worse off than you are.” The word “regret” may come from an Old French word that means “to bewail the dead.” If I’m using my past to help the living, that might help me not to keep on continually bewailing that past.
“My Day is Up to Me”
Sunday, August 30, 2020
I had a good day yesterday. Relatively free of negative, destructive thinking and depression. I got a lot done, both around the house and yard, and in my academic/literary work. There is no reason that today cannot be a good day as well.
Of course, bad things can and do happen, even tragic things. But on most days, my happiness and sense of accomplishment are up to me. What will I do with this day? Will I love my wife and our little dog the very best that I can? Will I work hard and rest easy? Will I exercise my gratitude? Will I exercise my body and mind? Will I love my friends? Will I love my enemies? Will I obey God?
The answers to these vital life-questions cannot be answered by a journal entry or a blog post. They can only be answered by the living I do.
In the Church of England liturgy, which I dearly love, toward the end of most of the morning services that I attended were the words “The night has passed, and the day lies open before us; let us pray with one heart and mind. . . . As we rejoice in the gift of this new day, so may the light of your presence, O God, set our hearts on fire with love for you; now and forever.”
The day lies open before me, before you, before us. Let’s pray and let God set our hearts on fire with love!
“Unwelcome Thoughts: Rent-Free ‘Renters’ or Hostage-Takers?”
I frequently have thoughts that I do not welcome. I’m probably all alone in this.
Yes, you are right. I am being ironic in my statement about being alone in this regard. If you told me that you never had any thoughts that were not entirely welcome—and if I believed you—I would be strongly tempted to worship you. However, I would be more likely to think that you were lying.
We all have thoughts of various kinds. Some are good; some are not. Some of the thoughts that I sometimes struggle with are lustful thoughts, fearful thoughts, resentful thoughts envying thoughts, self-pitying thoughts—the list goes on and on. These may be passing thoughts, and that is usually no big deal. However, when they overstay their welcome, that is a problem. Sometimes, they even take up residence. That is a huge problem.
A friend of mine sometimes says that he doesn’t want to give rent-free space to certain voices and thoughts. Such non-paying “renters” need to hit the road. There is no government-mandated moratorium on such evictions. In fact, my sponsor advised me that I serve an eviction notice to these unwelcome freeloaders. Yes!
Here is the problem: These unwelcome thoughts may come as guests, but before long, they become hostage-takers. They aren’t content to stay in a closet or the guest bedroom. They commandeer the entire house. They commandeer me.
Prayer helps. Sometimes other people can help. But ultimately, I myself have to evict these thoughts. The sooner the better!
Sometimes I say to certain thoughs out loud, “No, my mind is not for rent! Besides, you don’t have a very good credit rating.”
Of course, these non-paying “renters” will come back, whining that “this time it will be different.” But it never is. I need to say what a woman said to Ray Charles in a song a long time ago: “Hit the road Jack, and don’t ya come back no more, no more, no more, no more!”
“When You’re Depressed, Part 2”
I continue to wrestle with depression, but don’t worry: I will not be making this the subject of every blog post. Life is too short for that.
However, I neglected to mention a couple of crucial things that help when I’m depressed: gratitude and my dog.
Gratitude is not being thankful when I feel like it. If it were, how could I be thankful when I’m depressed? Rather, gratitude is thanking other people, God, the universe—even myself—as an act of the will.
I added the words “even myself” to the preceding sentence almost without intending to. I had never thought of the possibility of being thankful to myself.
Huh!
I can make my gratitude list, just as I usually do. Who can stop me? I can will thankfulness and express thankfulness, even when I don’t feel thankful.
Excuse me while I make a list of at least 50 things for which I’m thankful.
. . .
There!
And the other helpful thing isn’t a thing. It’s our little dog. She is eight pounds of love and devotion. Her loving and accepting spirit is a better witness to God’s love and acceptance than most people are.
Laylah loves to come upstairs with me to my work area. Sometimes, she wants to explore. But increasingly, she just comes up with me, curls up in my recliner (which is right next to my desk), and goes to sleep. Apparently, my nearness is enough for her.
Thank you, God, for Laylah!
Hey! I combined both themes for today’s anti-depression assault into one short, grateful sentence. Thank you, self!
“What I Do When I’m Depressed”
I have been struggling with some depression for the past several days. Fortunately (or is it unfortunate?), I have struggled with depression before. So, I have a good idea what doesn’t work, and what does.
Things that Don’t Work
- Denying that I am depressed.
- Struggling not to be depressed.
- Judging myself and beating myself up for feeling depressed.
- Wallowing in the depression.
- Taking shortcuts of any kind to make myself feel better. (Food, computer games, fantasies of various kinds, and spending too much time in bed are all shortcuts that don’t go anywhere good, and certainly don’t help relieve the depression—at least, not for long.)
- Asking myself how long this is going to last.
What Does Work
- Eating regular, nutritious meals even when I don’t feel like it.
- Exercising even when I don’t want to exercise.
- Doing chores around the house, gardens, and yard.
- Writing.
- Praying.
- Spending time outside in nature.
- Music (but not The Doors or Pink Floyd when I am depressed).
- Doing the next right thing.
- Serving someone else.
- Talking with friends.
- Reading something uplifting.
- Listening to uplifting podcasts.
- Remembering that this depression won’t last forever.
- Going back to a counselor, if need be.
- Going back on medication, if need be.
The last two things (counselor and medication) are not put last because they are the least important. I put them last in order to remind myself to try all the other things I’ve listed first.
Oh! One more thing that works!
- Journaling and posting some musings about what works when I’m depressed.
“Envy and the Nearness of God”
“But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.” (Psalm 73:28, English Standard Version)
Have you ever felt envious of someone or something else? If not, you should take your pulse—right now! You’re probably dead. To be human is to see someone else with something (or someone) that you want.
You see this with very small children. No matter how many toys a small child has, he/she is likely to want the one toy they don’t have. And, of course, envy is not something we grow out of naturally. In fact, it seems to get worse as we get older. Speaking from the standpoint of an elderly man, I can tell you that old age doesn’t help. I envy the young their youth.
In Psalm 73, the psalmist begins with the words, “Truly God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.”
That sounds like an encouraging start! But immediately, the psalmist confesses how close he came to being anything but pure in heart. What was his big problem? Murder? Adultery? Stealing? No, he was envious of the wicked.
We might tend to think that envy is no big deal. It appears that God’s Word does not agree with our evaluation of envy. The medieval theologians were right when they described envy as one of the seven deadly sins.
The psalmist says,
2 But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled,
my steps had nearly slipped.
3 For I was envious of the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
Psa. 73:4 For they have no pangs until death;
their bodies are fat and sleek.
5 They are not in trouble as others are;
they are not stricken like the rest of mankind.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
violence covers them as a garment.
7 Their eyes swell out through fatness;
their hearts overflow with follies.
8 They scoff and speak with malice;
loftily they threaten oppression.
9 They set their mouths against the heavens,
and their tongue struts through the earth.
10 Therefore his people turn back to them,
and find no fault in them.
11 And they say, “How can God know?
Is there knowledge in the Most High?”
12 Behold, these are the wicked;
always at ease, they increase in riches.
13 All in vain have I kept my heart clean
and washed my hands in innocence.
14 For all the day long I have been stricken
and rebuked every morning.”
But then, the psalmist realizes how serious his envy of the wicked is.
15 “If I had said, “I will speak thus,”
I would have betrayed the generation of your children.
Apparently, envy is (among other things) a betrayal of God’s children. How so? The psalmist doesn’t say. However, I can think of at least two ways in which envy is a betrayal of God’s children.
First, envy ignores the fact that God provides his children with what they truly need. Second, envy is as contagious and deadly as any modern virus. If I am being an envious person, I tend to infect everyone with whom I come into contact with the desire for something that does not pertain to them.
The psalmist couldn’t understand the ultimate fate of the wicked until he went to the sanctuary to worship. Then he realized that the prosperity of the wicked was incredibly temporary.
Psa. 73:16 “But when I thought how to understand this,
it seemed to me a wearisome task,
17 until I went into the sanctuary of God;
then I discerned their end.
Psa. 73:18 Truly you set them in slippery places;
you make them fall to ruin.
19 How they are destroyed in a moment,
swept away utterly by terrors!
20 Like a dream when one awakes,
O Lord, when you rouse yourself, you despise them as phantoms.
21 When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,
22 I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.
Psa. 73:23 Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psa. 73:27 For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
28 But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.”
I am especially struck by the last verse of this psalm. The psalmist began with an affirmation of God’s goodness, but then envy got in the way and nearly derailed him. But then, he realized how temporary and fragile the riches and power of the wicked really are. Finally, the psalmist states that “But as for me, the nearness of the Lord God is my good.”
As someone has said, “When God is all you’ve got, you discover that God is all you need.”
“Are you Sensitive? Or are you Sensitive?”
English is a contradictory language. You’ve no doubt heard the following questions:
- Why does “down the creek without a paddle” and “up the creek without a paddle” mean the same thing? Or do they?
- Why do we drive on a parkway, and park in a driveway?
- Why do we tell our children to “just be quiet,” and then ask them to explain why on earth they did what they did?
- Why do we say “not to mention,” and then mention it?
- Why do we introduce a man/woman as one who “needs no introduction,” and then spend five minutes introducing them.
Earlier today, a good friend gave me another one. And this one isn’t just strange; it’s plum weird.
Why does being “sensitive” mean two things that are almost opposites? A person can be “sensitive” in the sense that they get their feelings hurt about everything and by everyone. On the other hand, a person can be “sensitive” to the feelings and needs of others.
These strike me as being somewhat related. I can see why these two realities are signified by one word. However, I’ve also noticed this: People who are very sensitive to their own feelings and needs are often very insensitive to the feelings and needs of others.
I used to be that kind of person. I could perceive incoming nuclear missiles where there was absolutely nothing—not even a swarm of gnats. I was a master of the not-so-fine art of getting my feelings hurt. On the other hand, I could drive a Mack Truck over other people, and then blame them for not getting out my way. I am less like that person now, though I still have my moments.
So, I have formulated the DTEB Sensitivity Formula: S0 ∝ SS. Sensitivity to Others (SO) is inversely proportional to Sensitivity to Self (SS).
Practically speaking, I need to ask myself a tough question, whenever I am being very sensitive about my own feelings and needs. Here is the question: What can I do to be sensitive to the feelings and needs of someone else right now?
I am not counseling denying what we feel, nor am I saying that it is wrong to have needs. What I am saying is this: I need to continually monitor my thoughts, feelings, words, and deeds by asking the question, “Am I being sensitive right now, or am I being sensitive right now?”
More than the strangeness of language is in play here. Whole mindsets and destinies hang in the balance with how we answer this question.
“Letting Peace Rule”
DTEB, “Letting Peace Rule”
There is a lot that troubles all of our hearts these days. There always were. It will always be so on this planet, during every lifetime.
It was so during the time of the Apostle Paul as well. And yet, Paul (from prison, no less!) wrote the following words to believers in the city of Colossae:
“And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15, English Standard Version)
I looked at the original language in which this verse was written (Greek), and noted some interesting things about the word “rule” that might have escaped me in the translation.
First, this verb for ruling is used in secular Greek for what judges at an athletic competitions do. When there is a debate about rules or who was the winner, the judge decided. It would be like our words “umpire” or “referee”.
Second, the verb translated “rule” is in the imperative. Apparently, Paul did not think that allowing peace to rule in our hearts was a good idea or a nice suggestion. It was essential!
Third, the verb “rule” is in the present tense. This is a bit tricky to unpack for those of us who speak English, but the tenses in Greek (as in many languages) does not deal primarily with the time of an action, but with how the action is perceived. The present tense often suggests ongoing, repetitive, or continual action. So, the fact that the verb “rule” is in the present tense indicates that the peace of Christ is not a flash in pan. It is to be our permanent activity.
Of course, for the Christ-follower, peace is one of the many wonderful gifts given to us in Christ, we must allow that peace to rule in our hearts. Too often, I’m afraid that I let everything else but the peace of Christ control my heart. But that isn’t Christ’s fault. It is mine.
I am going to conclude with the somewhat dated (and ferociously British) words of F.B. Meyer concerning Colossians 3:15. His words still pack a punch.
“The peace of God is the peace of the Divine nature — the very tranquillity which prevails in the heart of the God of Peace. It was of this that Jesus spoke when He said, “My peace I give unto you”; for His own being was filled and blessed with it during His earthly career. In each of us may be a sea of glass, reflecting on its pellucid and tranquil bosom the untroubled calm and rest, which are unspeakable because eternal and Divine. “The Lord of peace Himself give you peace always.”
There are three things against which we must ever be on our guard, lest they rob us of our peace. First, unconfessed sin; second, worry; third, the permission of an unrebuked selfish principle. . . .
The apostle says, Let it rule. The Greek word means arbitrate. Whenever there is a doubtful issue to be decided, and by one course your peace may be disturbed, whilst by another it may be maintained, choose those things that make for peace, whether for yourselves or others. Let God’s peace act as umpire.
At the same time, this does not mean peace at any price. When the cause of truth is assailed, or the rights of others invaded, we must stand up boldly and strongly for Righteousness.”
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
- “Even a Sliver of Light” April 9, 2024“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” (2 Corinthians 5:6, English Standard Version) I missed the total eclipse yesterday. There were a number of good reasons for this, but […]
- “The Process in Miracles and the Miracle of Process” March 11, 2024“2 Kings 5:1 Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Syria, was a great man with his master and in high favor, because by him the LORD had given victory to Syria. He was a mighty man of valor, but he was a leper. 2 Now the Syrians on one of their raids […]
- “The Power of Encouragement—Even for Old People” March 10, 2024“But encourage each other every day while it is ‘today.’ Help each other so none of you will become hardened because sin has tricked you.” (Hebrews 3:13, New Century Version) Yesterday, I was walking at a nearby park. There was a large group of young people some of whom were running while other young people […]
- “Endurance” March 10, 2024“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.” (Hebrews 10:36, English Standard Version) “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us […]
- “The Limits of Non-Judgmentalism” February 24, 2024“Matt. 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. Matt. 7:2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:1-2, English Standard Version) This morning, in my virtual 12-step meeting, we discussed the topic of judgmentalism. There were many wise […]
- “Delighting in Being Told What to Do?!?” February 23, 2024“Psa. 112:1 Praise the LORD! Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments! 2 His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. 3 Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures […]
- “Character is the Real Lesson” January 19, 2024I am often confused about what lesson I’m really supposed to be learning. For example, this morning I was trying to knock out several Spanish lessons. My intentions were a lot better than my internet connection. I’ve done three lessons. Or rather, I’ve done two lessons. One of them I did twice because the internet […]
- “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked” January 1, 2024Each year, I try to come up with one word or a short phrase for what I intend to work on in the upcoming year. 2024 is “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked”. What?!! What does that even mean? So glad that you asked! Jesus said to his disciples, “Why do you look at the speck […]
- “Searching for the Noble One” December 26, 2023My wife and I were reading Luke, chapter 2 on Christmas Day. Luke 2 talks about the shepherds being told to look for this very special child—in fact, this King—in a stable. I prefer the word “barn”. I grew up on a farm. I know what a barn is. A stable is entirely too biblical […]
- “That Don’t Impress God Much” December 14, 2023DTEB, “That Don’t Impress God Much” “That Don’t Impress Me Much” (Song by Robert John Lange and Shania Twain) Micah 6:8 (MSG) “But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be […]
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