Posts Tagged: fear
“A Very Serious Teeter-Totter!”
A good friend of mine, in an accountability-support phone call yesterday made some intriguing comments about his core values. He spoke of courage and discipline, which are balanced by wisdom and compassion. He pictures these qualities as if they are a teeter-totter. For him, learning is the fulcrum.
I am not sure precisely what he means, but those words and the image of the teeter-totter has been marinating in my brain for the past twenty-four hours. Here is the current flavor of my thoughts about these qualities and the fulcrum.
Let me take a stab at the first two core values—courage and discipline. My first observation would be this: I don’t really know what these words mean, and I’m not sure that I want to know what they mean. Courage and discipline sound scary and costly to me.
I googled “courage” and found this definition at https://www.google.com/search?q=define+courage&rlz=1C1GCEA_enUS844US844&oq=define+courage&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i512l9.3232j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8.
“cour·age
noun
- the ability to do something that frightens one.
‘she called on all her courage to face the ordeal’
- strength in the face of pain or grief.
‘he fought his illness with great courage’”
I suspect that the first step in cultivating courage is admitting that I’m afraid. And I am very much afraid to admit that. I would sooner admit that I am angry than to admit that I am afraid. (Typical man!)
Perhaps I could begin with some small fears and work my way up. Okay. Let me begin right now!
I am afraid of . . . Wow! I’m having a difficult time thinking of any little fears. All the ones that come to mind seem big. Hummm . . .
Perhaps I should just move on to discipline. To paraphrase a saying of Jesus, “If they persecute you in one word, flee to another.”
Discipline! I don’t like that word either. But perhaps, discipline is courage in the small things. Maybe discipline prepares me to develop some courage.
I use these blog posts, not just to write, but to grow. So, here is what I am going to pledge to you, myself, and God: Today, I will make disciplined choices about what I eat. I will eat only healthy foods today. That is about as much discipline as I can probably muster. I will let you know how I did tomorrow in my post.
“Secure in my Insecurity and Fear”
I had a very unwelcome insight the other day. I realized that my overwhelming sense of insecurity and desire to possess and dominate is simply fear. Most of my life is a fear-based attempt to have security. And of course, all attempts to possess and dominate make feel even more insecure. I am like a man dying of thirst who, in his desperation, drinks seawater.
So, now what? An insight is all very well and good, but what about the live-out part of it? What about the “So-what question”?
Well, for one thing, this insight invites me to ask certain questions of myself, whenever I find myself wanting to possess or dominate. What am I afraid of here? What do I need to do because of my fears? Or do I need to do anything? If I don’t ask the right questions, I can’t possibly get to a helpful answer.
Some people think love is the most basic human trait. Love may be the most important, but I will vote for fear being the most basic human trait.
And, admittedly, fear can be absolutely vital to my survival. But beyond the point of survival, fear is the enemy. President F.D. Roosevelt said, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” He said that in the context of the Great Depression. Here is the longer quote, which demonstrates that Roosevelt was not talking about reasonable, healthy fear:
“So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is…fear itself — nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”
And that is the problem, isn’t it: a fear that “. . . paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”
So, after I have acknowledged fear, I can refuse to try to possess or dominate. Instead, I can ask myself what needed efforts I can make to convert retreat into advance. Only when I acknowledge my fears and then seek to move on to positive actions can I be secure in my insecurity and fear.
“Fear as Love, Fear as Hate”
Fear can be part of love. Fear can also be a form of hate.
I am afraid to displease my wife. That is part of my love for her.
The Bible has a great deal to say about fearing God and respecting others. It also has a great deal to say about loving God and others. In both the Old and New Testaments, a proper fear (or reverence or respect) for God and others is a major theme. So is love. Apparently love and fear—or, at least, a certain type of fear—are not sworn enemies.
On the other hand, according to Proverbs 29:25, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.” (English Standard Version) Apparently, there is a kind of fear that is not a good thing. In fact, I would go so far as to suggest that there is a kind of fear that shades off into hate.
This thought occurred to me today as I was struggling with why I hate new things so much. Of course, I could blame this tendency in me on old age. Why not? Old age ought to be good for something! Why not use it as a scapegoat—especially when you’re an old goat like me!
But here is my problem: Ever since I can remember anything (which is since I was about three years old), I’ve hated new things. When I go to a Mexican restaurant, I order the chimichangas. My wife asks, “Why don’t you order something different?” My usual response is, “Because I know I like the chimichangas. If I ordered something else, I’m afraid that I might not like it.”
Fear.
I don’t like listening to new songs or reading new books or new genres of books. Why? I’m afraid that I might not like them.
Fear.
I don’t like trying to learn new games generally. Why? By now, you know the answer.
Fear!
But in a sense, all this fear is a form of hate. Hate is often just fear that has hardened into a snarling, vicious dog. So, what if my fears cause me to hate new stuff, new attitudes, even (God help me!) new people.
God says, of the new heaven and the new earth, “Behold, I make all things new.” I’m not so sure that I will like new things.
But maybe hell is a place where everything stays the same. And I’m not so sure that I would like that, either.
I would hate to miss out on the new heaven and earth, just because I’m afraid of new things.
“Unwelcome Thoughts: Rent-Free ‘Renters’ or Hostage-Takers?”
I frequently have thoughts that I do not welcome. I’m probably all alone in this.
Yes, you are right. I am being ironic in my statement about being alone in this regard. If you told me that you never had any thoughts that were not entirely welcome—and if I believed you—I would be strongly tempted to worship you. However, I would be more likely to think that you were lying.
We all have thoughts of various kinds. Some are good; some are not. Some of the thoughts that I sometimes struggle with are lustful thoughts, fearful thoughts, resentful thoughts envying thoughts, self-pitying thoughts—the list goes on and on. These may be passing thoughts, and that is usually no big deal. However, when they overstay their welcome, that is a problem. Sometimes, they even take up residence. That is a huge problem.
A friend of mine sometimes says that he doesn’t want to give rent-free space to certain voices and thoughts. Such non-paying “renters” need to hit the road. There is no government-mandated moratorium on such evictions. In fact, my sponsor advised me that I serve an eviction notice to these unwelcome freeloaders. Yes!
Here is the problem: These unwelcome thoughts may come as guests, but before long, they become hostage-takers. They aren’t content to stay in a closet or the guest bedroom. They commandeer the entire house. They commandeer me.
Prayer helps. Sometimes other people can help. But ultimately, I myself have to evict these thoughts. The sooner the better!
Sometimes I say to certain thoughs out loud, “No, my mind is not for rent! Besides, you don’t have a very good credit rating.”
Of course, these non-paying “renters” will come back, whining that “this time it will be different.” But it never is. I need to say what a woman said to Ray Charles in a song a long time ago: “Hit the road Jack, and don’t ya come back no more, no more, no more, no more!”
“No Reason to Fear”
I enjoy doing a daily devotional exercise from Loyola Publishing. I particularly enjoyed this morning’s meditation. You can do the same by accessing the entire meditation—free of charge—at https://www.loyolapress.com/retreats/the-lord-goes-before-you-start-retreat/. (It takes about three minutes to go through the retreat. Just saying.)
Here is the Scripture on which today’s “3-Minute Retreat” was based. “It is the LORD who marches before you; he will be with you and will never fail you or forsake you. So do not fear or be dismayed.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)
So, what has Deuteronomy 31:8 got to say to us? A lot!
The Israelites were about to enter the promised land, after wandering in the wilderness for forty years. They had gotten lost, because they had lost their GPS, their “God Positioning System.”
Or rather, their parents had lost their GPS. Their parents, even after seeing God’s miracle-working power in rescuing them from slavery in Egypt and preserving them in the wilderness, had come to the very edge of the promised land forty years earlier. But they decided that they were not able to enter the land. Best to go back to Egypt! Best to go back to slavery.
God said to them, “No, you can’t go back to Egypt. But you won’t go into the promised land either. You will die in the wilderness since you refuse to trust me.”
And now the children of these needless wanderers are themselves standing on the brink of the Promise. Like any of us who are standing on the brink of a major unknown, they needed some reassurance.
I looked at Deuteronomy 31:8 in Hebrew. There were several fascinating things that are difficult to put into an English translation. This gets a bit technical but hang with me; it is worth the effort!
First, God emphasizes that He—God—will be with them. In Hebrew, as in many languages, the verb does not need to be expressed for simple, short statements. Therefore, if the independent pronoun is included, it is often for emphasis. The independent pronoun that stands in for God (“he”) occurs twice in this little verse, even though grammatically it is not needed for making sense of the sentence. God is underlining the fact that He, their God, will go before them. God does not lead from the rear. God goes in on the first wave of this battle.
Second, God will not only go ahead of them. God will be with them. God is not simply a God who leads. God is also a God who accompanies.
Third, Go encourages the Israelites not to fear or be dismayed. In fact, the Hebrew word that is translated “dismayed” in many English translations is quite a bit stronger than our word “dismay” suggests. The Hebrew word is used (sometimes literally) for something or someone who is broken. In a more metaphorical sense, it connotes panic. If God is God and if God is with us, then panic is always premature.
The retreat from Loyola connects Deuteronomy 31:8 with the New Testament in an interesting manner.
“We have every reason to trust in God. The Book of Deuteronomy promises that the Lord goes ahead of us and will never abandon us. Jesus is the fulfillment of this promise. By his Incarnation, Jesus accompanied us in our human experience. When we call Jesus Emmanuel, which means “God is with us,” we are reminded that we are not alone. After the Resurrection, Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to be with the disciples and to remain with us always. There is no reason to fear.”
No reason to fear! That is always a good thing to remember.
“Bullied by a Gang of Thoughts”
I am just starting my “3-Minute Retreat” from Loyola Publishing. Today, as with many days, the retreat starts out with an admonition to let go of any distracting thoughts. I am not sure if I am holding on to such thoughts or if they are holding on to me. I have a lot of clingy thoughts.
Well, I should be mature enough to do this. I am in charge of my thoughts. I am bigger and meaner and more determined than they are. I refuse to be bullied by a gang of nasty, useless thoughts!
And what are the names of these gang members? Regret, Resentment, Guilt, Fear, A-Sense-Of-Worthlessness, Desire-For-More (and his twin brother Discontent).
So, I decide that, today, I’m going to stand up to these bullies. I say, to Regret (who seems to be their spokesman), “You little boys, run along. I’m moving forward, and if you try to stop me or follow me, I will hurt you.”
And so, I walk on. I look around and they are gone.
Huh! It works! I think I’ll get on with my day. Maybe you could too.
Three practical suggestions:
- Name the thoughts that are bullying you.
- Tell them to shove off.
- Walk in the direction of the next right thing to do.
“The Nearness of Evil and the Nearness of God”
“They draw near who persecute me with evil purpose;
they are far from your law. But you are near, O LORD,
and all your commandments are true.”
(Psalm 119:150–151 The Holy Bible, English Standard Version
“Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean that people really aren’t out to get you.” (Source unknown, but I suspect it is not me.)
Many biblical psalms speak of the psalmist’s enemies. It is not always clear who the psalmists’ enemies are, or why the psalmists had these enemies. It is the same for us.
I suspect that we all have such people, no matter how “nice” we try to be, or how much we try to avoid conflict. Enemies are a fact of life. And we also often do not know why we have such enemies. Was it something we did? Is the problem in them?
But, in Psalm 119, notice that the nearness of enemies is counterbalanced with the nearness of God. No, not counterbalanced! God’s nearness more than counterbalances the nearness of enemies. God’s presence has a way of overcoming our sense of the proximity of anyone or anything that would harm us. This includes covid-19. Yes, it is all around us. Yes, it is even inside of us already. But then, there is the nearness of God.
Yet, Derek Kidner, with his usual terse insightfulness, writes, “Note the realism of the double statement, ‘They draw near … but thou art near.’ The threat is not glossed over; it is put in perspective by a bigger fact.”
We should never gloss over the nearness of our enemies. But the nearness of God is a “bigger fact.” We also should never forget God and God’s commandments, which are true.
What commandment do you and I particularly need to follow today? I do not know. But here is a good one, and one which frequently occurs in the Bible:
Fear not!
“Social Distancing from Fear”
Social distancing is the current buzz term. And I believe that it is a good thing. However, let me suggest another form of social distancing that might be helpful: social distancing from our fears.
However, we need to be careful not to try to quarantine our fears in an airtight room. They’ll smother to death! And the truth of the matter is that we actually need our fears. They are a gift from God, if you believe in God, as I do. If you don’t believe in God, fears are something given to us by the process of evolution. In any case, fears can be a very good thing. A person, a dog, or a fly that don’t fear anything would soon be a dead person, dog, or fly.
At a recent Zoom tele-meeting, some 12-step friends and I were discussing an important topic: how to avoid turning our emotions (particularly stress and fear) into occasions for acting out in our bottom-line addictive patterns.
I commented as follows: “I need to acknowledge my fears, but I don’t need to invite them in for coffee.”
And then I added, “Sometimes, I stand across the street and have a face to face conversation with my stress and fears. But I do stay on my side of the street. I don’t want my fears to infect me, nor do I want to be a carrier of the fear contagion to others.”
The other day, I encountered a friend on my walk in our community. He was out mowing the yard. We had a nice visit—from across the street.
Perhaps that’s what we should do with our fears: visit in a friendly manner from across the street. Just don’t invite them in for coffee.
“Fear? Not!”
I think that it is safe to say that we are all at least a little fearful right now. Yes?
So, what do we do with our fear? Perhaps a better question is this: What do we refuse to let fear do with us?
I suspect that there are several things that fear wants to do to/with us.
One thing that fear wants to do to/with us is to make us panicky. Fear can be a good thing. It alerts us to danger, and helps us to take prudent measures that protect ourselves and those we love.
Panic, however, is not a positive thing at all. Panic always makes a bad situation worse. Always remember the eleventh commandment: Thou shalt not panic!
Another thing that fear wants us to do is to collapse on ourselves, to become completely self-absorbed. Many of us (especially those who write blogs) are already self-absorbed enough.
So, what can and should we do with our fear?
First, we can feel afraid. Feelings of all kinds are made to be felt. Don’t deny your fears. If you’re not afraid right now, you’re not paying sufficient attention.
Say your prayers. You don’t believe in God? Well, say your prayers anyway, even if you have to start them out with “To whom it may or may not concern.” When I pray, I feel calmer. In fact, one of my most consistent prayers right now is a calm-my-spirit prayer that I learned years ago, when a church I pastored was going through a 50-Day Spiritual Adventure. Here is the prayer: Calm my spirit, Lord. That’s it. That’s the whole prayer.
Second, do the things that normally work for you, even if you don’t think that you can, even if you don’t think that doing those things will work. I am continued to do 12-step readings, to make gratitude lists, to do (at least sporadic) blog posts.
And, since panicky fear wants you to be self-absorbed, do something that you really don’t want to do for someone else. Check on other people. Call. Email. Text. Yes, by all means, wear a mask and gloves. But minister to the needs of others. The coronavirus is a serious threat, but cowardly selfishness will damage us even more.
Fear?
Not!
“Living Courageously in a Time of Pandemic”
There are two ways that the coronavirus kills: by physically destroying humans, and by fear. The second method may well be the most effective.
My wife is visiting her mom in a nursing home. Nursing homes are a wonderful breeding ground for the coronavirus. I am worried and afraid.
I journaled, and then read what I had written. And I communicated these fears to my sponsors in my morning report. One of them got back to me with a phone call that helped me to get the fear under God’s control. And I texted a friend and asked him to pray for me, for my wife, and for all concerned. I ended my text as follows:
“Thanks for reading this. I feel better now, having gotten some confused and confusing feelings out in the open. I think I’m already feeling less confused and fearful. And you haven’t even prayed yet!”
“Today’s Affirmation: Today, by God’s grace, I will live a courageous life. I will not fear perhapses.”
Courage is not the same thing as a careless attitude or actions. Prudent precautions aren’t cowardice. It takes some courage, even to be cautious.
However, fear is no one’s friend. And courage is a good friend these days, and every day. We should prepare for possibilities and probabilities, but we can and should live without perhapses.
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
- “Even a Sliver of Light” April 9, 2024“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” (2 Corinthians 5:6, English Standard Version) I missed the total eclipse yesterday. There were a number of good reasons for this, but […]
- “The Process in Miracles and the Miracle of Process” March 11, 2024“2 Kings 5:1 Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Syria, was a great man with his master and in high favor, because by him the LORD had given victory to Syria. He was a mighty man of valor, but he was a leper. 2 Now the Syrians on one of their raids […]
- “The Power of Encouragement—Even for Old People” March 10, 2024“But encourage each other every day while it is ‘today.’ Help each other so none of you will become hardened because sin has tricked you.” (Hebrews 3:13, New Century Version) Yesterday, I was walking at a nearby park. There was a large group of young people some of whom were running while other young people […]
- “Endurance” March 10, 2024“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.” (Hebrews 10:36, English Standard Version) “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us […]
- “The Limits of Non-Judgmentalism” February 24, 2024“Matt. 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. Matt. 7:2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:1-2, English Standard Version) This morning, in my virtual 12-step meeting, we discussed the topic of judgmentalism. There were many wise […]
- “Delighting in Being Told What to Do?!?” February 23, 2024“Psa. 112:1 Praise the LORD! Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments! 2 His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. 3 Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures […]
- “Character is the Real Lesson” January 19, 2024I am often confused about what lesson I’m really supposed to be learning. For example, this morning I was trying to knock out several Spanish lessons. My intentions were a lot better than my internet connection. I’ve done three lessons. Or rather, I’ve done two lessons. One of them I did twice because the internet […]
- “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked” January 1, 2024Each year, I try to come up with one word or a short phrase for what I intend to work on in the upcoming year. 2024 is “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked”. What?!! What does that even mean? So glad that you asked! Jesus said to his disciples, “Why do you look at the speck […]
- “Searching for the Noble One” December 26, 2023My wife and I were reading Luke, chapter 2 on Christmas Day. Luke 2 talks about the shepherds being told to look for this very special child—in fact, this King—in a stable. I prefer the word “barn”. I grew up on a farm. I know what a barn is. A stable is entirely too biblical […]
- “That Don’t Impress God Much” December 14, 2023DTEB, “That Don’t Impress God Much” “That Don’t Impress Me Much” (Song by Robert John Lange and Shania Twain) Micah 6:8 (MSG) “But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be […]
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