Posts Tagged: selfishness
“And the Word for the Year: Generosity!”
Several years ago, I read a post by Jon Gordon that encouraged his readers to choose one word for the year to set the tone for the year. I have been doing this for several years now. The past two yearly words have been self-control and holiness. I can’t say that I have done well with them, but I still think that Gordon is onto something good.
This year, my word is generosity. This word, as I perceive it, is not just about money or stuff. And generosity is not only about giving to others. Rather, generosity is about giving and receiving. It is about giving material things and giving lots of other things that could hardly be called stuff.
Generosity is something that many of us have received. In fact, no matter how difficult life is (and it is so for many people), there are very few of us who haven’t experienced receiving generosity at one time or another. Some of us, like me, are swimming in a sea of generosity. I have received generosity from my parents, friends, twelve-step compatriots, my wife, family, and a host of others. Even if I didn’t believe in God, I think I would have to believe in generosity.
But I do believe in God, and I have experienced so much generosity from God! Forgiveness, grace, life, life eternal, spiritual gifts of service, the sending of his Son to this planet, the gift of the Holy Spirit, the church—and on and on and on. Yes, I’ve received generosity alright!
And then, there is the giving of generosity. If I have received so much generosity of all kinds, material and spiritual, how could I not be generous?
But the truth is, I can be incredibly selfish. I’m more generous, I think, than I used to be, but as Robert Frost said, “I have miles before I sleep.” Generosity is always a possibility, but it only becomes lived reality in the living itself.
So, this is the Year of Generosity. My intention is to be a generous person in a plethora of ways. (I just love the word “plethora”!) I plan to be generous with stuff—even including my books. I will be generous with my time, with my praise and gratitude, with words of encouragement. I will be generous with my sweetheart, my students, my church, people that I like, and people of whom I am not so fond.
I’m even planning to be generous with myself. Can you believe it?! I do!
(For another post on generosity, see my post “Brimming with Wealth and Generosity” at https://www.downtoearthbeliever.com/?p=1723.)
“Fear? Not!”
I think that it is safe to say that we are all at least a little fearful right now. Yes?
So, what do we do with our fear? Perhaps a better question is this: What do we refuse to let fear do with us?
I suspect that there are several things that fear wants to do to/with us.
One thing that fear wants to do to/with us is to make us panicky. Fear can be a good thing. It alerts us to danger, and helps us to take prudent measures that protect ourselves and those we love.
Panic, however, is not a positive thing at all. Panic always makes a bad situation worse. Always remember the eleventh commandment: Thou shalt not panic!
Another thing that fear wants us to do is to collapse on ourselves, to become completely self-absorbed. Many of us (especially those who write blogs) are already self-absorbed enough.
So, what can and should we do with our fear?
First, we can feel afraid. Feelings of all kinds are made to be felt. Don’t deny your fears. If you’re not afraid right now, you’re not paying sufficient attention.
Say your prayers. You don’t believe in God? Well, say your prayers anyway, even if you have to start them out with “To whom it may or may not concern.” When I pray, I feel calmer. In fact, one of my most consistent prayers right now is a calm-my-spirit prayer that I learned years ago, when a church I pastored was going through a 50-Day Spiritual Adventure. Here is the prayer: Calm my spirit, Lord. That’s it. That’s the whole prayer.
Second, do the things that normally work for you, even if you don’t think that you can, even if you don’t think that doing those things will work. I am continued to do 12-step readings, to make gratitude lists, to do (at least sporadic) blog posts.
And, since panicky fear wants you to be self-absorbed, do something that you really don’t want to do for someone else. Check on other people. Call. Email. Text. Yes, by all means, wear a mask and gloves. But minister to the needs of others. The coronavirus is a serious threat, but cowardly selfishness will damage us even more.
Fear?
Not!
“DOING AWAY WITH MYSELF”
DTEB, “DOING AWAY WITH MYSELF”
“A man who is wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.” (Source unknown)
“Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows, they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, The Big Book, p. 62, italics mine)
I like to think of myself as a fairly generous, compassionate person. Today, before worship even began, I realized that everything I had ever done or wanted to do that was good has been about me.
The worship music spoke of what God had done for us in Christ. It was wonderful music, but I couldn’t sing much. I was too busy trying to hold back the tears. I hoped to hear something encouraging in the sermon. I didn’t. The pastor talked about compassion. Talking about compassion to a person who just realized his own core selfishness is like pouring water on a drowning man.
At the end of the worship service, there was an invitation to come forward for prayer. I wanted to, but felt that I was just too far gone in my selfishness. I felt so lost in myself.
However, afterwards I found one of the elders at the church with whom I have a good relationship, broke down crying, and asked him to pray for me. (Nothing wrong with the rest of our elders; I just know Gary better.)
My first generous act was to give away my “secret” (??) about being so selfish. Hey, feeble generosity is better than no generosity at all.
And afterwards, I felt so much better. I also felt that, perhaps, even though everything I had ever done had been tainted by my me-ness, there had been some genuine generosity in some of it. The seeds—or at least the desire—had been there in me all along. But the ground was too frozen or too hard for the seeds to germinate.
However, spring is here, no matter how much it may look or feel like winter. Time to break up the soil a bit. Time to tend the seeds. Time to begin to harvest generosity.
I can’t do away with myself, but I can allow my generous God to do something with me! I have repeatedly shown myself incapable of whole-hearted generosity. However, with God, all things are possible. Not easy. Just possible.
I grew up on a two-hundred-acre farm in Adams County. We had a huge garden. One year, there wasn’t much (if any) rain, and the ground was very hard and crusty. The lima beans weren’t able to push their way through the hard soil. My dad bent down and began carefully scraping off the crust, allowing the lima beans to pop up.
I have a Heavenly Father, too. He doesn’t really want to do away with me. He doesn’t want me to do away with myself.
What does He want?
He wants me to allow Him to scrape away my hard, crusty soil. He wants to allow the seeds of generosity to germinate and grow.
He wants that for all of us.
“THE WORD FOR THE YEAR IS KINDNESS!”
“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. (Lao Tzu. Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/kindness”)
“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Colossians 3:12-13)
In 2017, my word for the year was “FOCUS!” I’m not sure how I did, but my wife says that I have done better on focusing. My wife is a very kind and compassionate person, but she isn’t prone to lying, so I assume that she is right.
The word for 2018 is KINDNESS.
My sponsor encouraged me some time ago to craft my own personal daily affirmations. This year he upped the ante: He suggested that I craft a master affirmation for the entire year—one that would enrich the daily affirmations. Below is my response to him this morning.
“I have thought about and prayed about your suggestion that I have a master affirmation for 2018. I have decided that I like the idea a lot. (I suspect that God likes it too.)
So, after some thought I have decided to pair it with another suggestion from a weekly newsletter I get from Jon Gordon (“Positive Tips” website.) Gordon suggests choosing one word for the year. . . .
The word for 2018 is “KINDNESS”.
So, with all that as preface, here is my master affirmation for the year:
THE WORD FOR THIS YEAR IS KINDNESS: KINDNESS RECEIVED AND KINDNESS GIVEN
AFFIRMATION FOR THE YEAR: This year, by God’s grace, I am consistently kind and obedient to God, appropriately kind to myself, and kind to all living things (which includes other people).”
Of course, it is much easier to be kind to God and others, when I realize that God is kind, and that God has shown me a great deal of kindness. And I do recognize God’s kindness, at least to some degree. So, the first thing I need to do is to meditate on God’s great kindness to me.
But even a realization of God’s kindness and the desire to be kind are not enough. Kindness takes daily practice. No one learns to cook or play the piano without regular, consistent practice. Why should kindness be any different?
I need to keep my eyes, ears, heart, and schedule open, so that I can be kind to others. Kindness is a costly business. Above all, it requires consistent focus. And I can assure you that this selfish, attention-deficit-person is not good at either consistency or focus.
Who knows? Maybe the 2017 emphasis on focus is a good preparation for 2018: The Year of Kindness!
“LOVING BEING GRATEFUL
“thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18, The Message)
Even when I give thanks, I can be selfish about it. Let me explain.
I often give thanks for what other people have done, is doing, or will do for me. I give thanks for what God has done, is doing, or will do for me. I give thanks for good things that have happened, are happening, or will happen for me.
Did you catch the little prepositional phrase at the end of each sentence in the preceding paragraph: “for me”? It is less selfish to give thanks than it is to pretend that we are self-made and self-blessed. However, it still seems like a low-grade form of selfishness. And a low-grade form of selfishness is like a low-grade fever—a sign that all is not well. I did not realize this until God got my attention this morning, and I actually obeyed. Obedience is a wonderful Bible study tool!
So, this morning God challenged me to give thanks for some good things that other people are experiencing or doing. Several people from my life group came to mind, and also a friend at the University who just passed the viva for his PhD.
After listing several things for which I was grateful that had nothing to do with me directly, I felt the joy of the LORD sweep over me. So, my next item on today’s gratitude list was as follows:
“Gratitude lists. How I’ve come to love doing these things! They help get me out of the hellish echo chamber of my mind.”
I also thought of Paul saying, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15) One aspect of this rejoicing is being thankful for good things that have nothing to do with us.
No matter how badly things seem to be going for me, or really are going for me, I can find some good things happening to others for which I can be profoundly grateful. There is a boundless supply of grist for gratitude.
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
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