Posts Tagged: kindness
“When Somebody Else’s Golf Cart Ends up in the Ditch”
Somebody’s golf cart ended up in the ditch a while back. Several people commented on Facebook that, “he shouldn’t have had that much to drink.” Turns out that the guy had a seizure. Respect means, among other things, putting the best possible construction on other people’s words and actions.
I am not naïve. I have lived long enough to realize that some people really do stupid and/or harmful things. People also have bad (or at least, mixed) motives. That’s all true. But I have also lived long enough to learn that my evaluations of other people are frequently wildly wrong.
Even if we are right about a person’s motivation, we are not right to think the worst of them. Such thinking, even when it is technically correct, is wrong. Why? Two reasons: It makes them less likely to change for the better at the same time that it makes us less kind and compassionate. The last time I checked, kindness and compassion were important character traits.
Jim, our preacher this past Sunday, said “It is more important to be kind than to be right.”
And then, there is this. Eventually, we all end up with our golf cart (or our hearts) in the ditch. And none of us want other people to think the worst of us, even if they’re right.
“A Land of Misfit Toys”
I love the Church and my own particular local church. However, I often wonder if 12-step groups don’t frequently out-church the church. Here is an email from a Saturday morning fellow 12-stepper:
“I am working on a document as part of my couple’s recovery. This particular section is “significant events in your road to recovery”. I wanted to share what was top of the list.
Finding connection at a random Sat morning group:
It is amazing to me that a key moment in my recovery came through a random Saturday morning group. When I came back from my program last summer, I had committed to attending a daily meeting. Although resentful of this commitment I accepted the value (at least on an intellectual level). At the time, I viewed meetings as a chore and as such tried to get them done early and out of the way. The summer is boat time and I had to find a meeting which would not interfere with the rest of my day. As it turns out, this particular group of people, who run an early Saturday recovery meeting have been lifesavers in many ways. They certainly have helped my relationship with my wife, but most importantly participation in the group has saved the relationship with myself. The group is made up of kind caring people who have humility laced with wit and humor. To me, this makes all the difference. I was quickly accepted among their ranks and even asked to participate in a smaller weekly meeting on Wednesday AM. I have learned through participation that despite how I often feel like Rudolf (alone and different), hiding and isolating is not the answer. This eclectic group of people show me every Saturday that you can have a very fulfilling life and a committed long-term relationship while also working to maintain sobriety, even if you sometimes feel you’re in the land of misfit toys.”
We all probably feel like misfit toys some of the time. Some of us feel that way all of the time. Alcoholics Anonymous started in a church building basement. To this day, many 12-step groups meet in churches. While I think that it matters a great deal what we believe, I think that treating people with kindness might work a lot better than simply telling people what they should believe. Kindness is a wonderful way to help people find the truths they need to find.
Of course, the church is all about relationships in any case: relationships with God and with one another. God loves misfits. We all fit with God, and I suspect that God expects us to fit in with one another as best we can—not necessarily agree, but get along. Getting agreement is much easier than getting along in the land of misfit humans, but getting along means more to God. Maybe it should be worth more to us as well.
“THE KINDNESS OF CHECKING ON PEOPLE”
“But the fruit of the Spirit is . . . kindness . . . .” (Galatians 5:22)
One really nice form of kindness is checking on people.
A good friend, who is also a faithful reader of these blog posts, had his wife send a text to my wife to ask if I was okay. I hadn’t done a blog for a couple of weeks, and he was worried about me.
The truth is that I am both alright and not alright. To some extent, my web silence has been because I’m enjoying the beautiful city of Tampa, Florida. Also, while it is a lovely city, it seems to take at least 30 minutes to get anywhere, so we’ve doing lots of driving. (The only exception is my twelve-step meeting which is only an eleven-minute bike ride away from where we are staying. Sweet!)
Also, I have been working on a scholarly paper, which I am presenting at a conference in a little less than a month. And then, there is going for long walks/runs with the dog. And, of course, when you stay in any place for more than a few days, there are dishes to do, and clothes to wash. Even in paradise, the trash needs taken out a couple of times a week.
But it was good for my friend to check on me. For one thing, it reminded me to get off my lazy butt—or rather, to get on my diligent butt—and write a blog. The laziness has an explanation, but no excuse. The explanation is, at least in part, that I am mourning the closing of the university where I taught as an adjunct for over eleven years. The truth is that I am also feeling rather sorry for myself. Mourning is okay; self-pity, not so much.
Sometimes, though, a friend just checking on you helps to blow up your excuses and your laziness and your writer’s block. Kindness is quiet dynamite.
My challenge today is two-fold: to be grateful for the quiet dynamite that others place under me, and to place some kindness under others. Maybe this blog post will do that for you. You have to light the match, though!
“THE WORD FOR THE YEAR IS KINDNESS!”
“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. (Lao Tzu. Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/kindness”)
“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Colossians 3:12-13)
In 2017, my word for the year was “FOCUS!” I’m not sure how I did, but my wife says that I have done better on focusing. My wife is a very kind and compassionate person, but she isn’t prone to lying, so I assume that she is right.
The word for 2018 is KINDNESS.
My sponsor encouraged me some time ago to craft my own personal daily affirmations. This year he upped the ante: He suggested that I craft a master affirmation for the entire year—one that would enrich the daily affirmations. Below is my response to him this morning.
“I have thought about and prayed about your suggestion that I have a master affirmation for 2018. I have decided that I like the idea a lot. (I suspect that God likes it too.)
So, after some thought I have decided to pair it with another suggestion from a weekly newsletter I get from Jon Gordon (“Positive Tips” website.) Gordon suggests choosing one word for the year. . . .
The word for 2018 is “KINDNESS”.
So, with all that as preface, here is my master affirmation for the year:
THE WORD FOR THIS YEAR IS KINDNESS: KINDNESS RECEIVED AND KINDNESS GIVEN
AFFIRMATION FOR THE YEAR: This year, by God’s grace, I am consistently kind and obedient to God, appropriately kind to myself, and kind to all living things (which includes other people).”
Of course, it is much easier to be kind to God and others, when I realize that God is kind, and that God has shown me a great deal of kindness. And I do recognize God’s kindness, at least to some degree. So, the first thing I need to do is to meditate on God’s great kindness to me.
But even a realization of God’s kindness and the desire to be kind are not enough. Kindness takes daily practice. No one learns to cook or play the piano without regular, consistent practice. Why should kindness be any different?
I need to keep my eyes, ears, heart, and schedule open, so that I can be kind to others. Kindness is a costly business. Above all, it requires consistent focus. And I can assure you that this selfish, attention-deficit-person is not good at either consistency or focus.
Who knows? Maybe the 2017 emphasis on focus is a good preparation for 2018: The Year of Kindness!
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
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- “The Process in Miracles and the Miracle of Process” March 11, 2024“2 Kings 5:1 Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Syria, was a great man with his master and in high favor, because by him the LORD had given victory to Syria. He was a mighty man of valor, but he was a leper. 2 Now the Syrians on one of their raids […]
- “The Power of Encouragement—Even for Old People” March 10, 2024“But encourage each other every day while it is ‘today.’ Help each other so none of you will become hardened because sin has tricked you.” (Hebrews 3:13, New Century Version) Yesterday, I was walking at a nearby park. There was a large group of young people some of whom were running while other young people […]
- “Endurance” March 10, 2024“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.” (Hebrews 10:36, English Standard Version) “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us […]
- “The Limits of Non-Judgmentalism” February 24, 2024“Matt. 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. Matt. 7:2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:1-2, English Standard Version) This morning, in my virtual 12-step meeting, we discussed the topic of judgmentalism. There were many wise […]
- “Delighting in Being Told What to Do?!?” February 23, 2024“Psa. 112:1 Praise the LORD! Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments! 2 His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. 3 Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures […]
- “Character is the Real Lesson” January 19, 2024I am often confused about what lesson I’m really supposed to be learning. For example, this morning I was trying to knock out several Spanish lessons. My intentions were a lot better than my internet connection. I’ve done three lessons. Or rather, I’ve done two lessons. One of them I did twice because the internet […]
- “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked” January 1, 2024Each year, I try to come up with one word or a short phrase for what I intend to work on in the upcoming year. 2024 is “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked”. What?!! What does that even mean? So glad that you asked! Jesus said to his disciples, “Why do you look at the speck […]
- “Searching for the Noble One” December 26, 2023My wife and I were reading Luke, chapter 2 on Christmas Day. Luke 2 talks about the shepherds being told to look for this very special child—in fact, this King—in a stable. I prefer the word “barn”. I grew up on a farm. I know what a barn is. A stable is entirely too biblical […]
- “That Don’t Impress God Much” December 14, 2023DTEB, “That Don’t Impress God Much” “That Don’t Impress Me Much” (Song by Robert John Lange and Shania Twain) Micah 6:8 (MSG) “But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be […]
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