Monthly Archives: June 2016

DTEB, SURVIVING FATHER’S DAY

 

I have survived another Father’s Day.  That is a major accomplishment for me.  Every time that someone wished me a “Happy Father’s Day!” it was like a stake being driven through my mind and heart.

Yes, I am a dad  No, I was not a good one.  Perhaps I wasn’t quite as bad as I or my adult children think, but we can probably agree on one thing: I wasn’t a particularly good dad, and I did a lot of damage.

I console myself with several truths, which I hope are truly true.

Truth # 1: Perhaps (and it is hard to argue with “perhaps!), I did a few things right.  Along with my wife (who did all the heavy lifting), I did help give them life.  My kids can’t take that away from me, even if they would like to!

Truth # 2: I helped keep them alive until they were able to be more or less on their own.

Truth # 3: I have tried to own up to the wrong I’ve done.  I have not done this to their satisfaction, but I do not exist for their satisfaction.

Truth # 4: While I am very far indeed from the man I want to be, I am not entirely the man I used to be.

Truth # 5: That was then; this is now.

Truth # 6: Every dad I’ve ever gotten to know personally is a very flawed creature.

These truths do not console me much.  However, my suspicion is that truth does not exist in order to console.  Truth exists in order to be true.

Meanwhile, it is June 20, the day after Father’s Day and the first day of summer.  It is another day, to invest myself in God, in other people, in becoming a better version of myself.  I think that I had better get over myself and on with the tasks at hand.  Right now, I need to eat some oatmeal with blueberries and a little brown sugar and cinnamon, run two or three miles, study, pray, encourage others, prepare for Bible Lands and Life Ways, work on a review for Stone-Campbell Journal, be emotionally available to my wife.  The kind of dad I was (and was not) in the past is none of my business.  My business today is today.

That is your business, dear reader, as well.

THE HEROISM OF LITTLE THINGS?

I worry too much about summing up my life.  Here is the truth: I can’t, and it’s none of my business!

I also waste time fantasizing about doing some great, heroic deed to try to make up, at least in some degree, for the great evil I’ve done in my lifetime.  You know the sort of thing I’m talking about: rushing into a burning building to save a baby, rushing an active shooter, that sort of thing.

But such great opportunities rarely present themselves.  The truth is that I have lots of opportunities to do good every day.  Perhaps the heroisms of little things matter.  And how do I know that I would rise to the occasion, if the occasion for serious heroism were to present itself?  The horrible massacre in Orlando has provoked much reflection on my own lack of courage.

I was talking about these things with a friend as we enjoyed coffee outside a local coffee shop.  I had just confessed that I doubted I would act heroically if the opportunity presented itself, when there was a loud explosion right behind me.  I turned around, prepared to run in the direction of the explosion.

However, it turned out that it was merely a semi driver who had curbed his tire.  The tire had blown out.

Well, at least in this case I was prepared to run toward danger, rather than away from it.

But the rest of the day was filled with little things.  No more explosions.  Helping my wife in the garden, reading, helping twelve-step friends, waiting tables in the evening.

Heroic?  No, I don’t think so.  But perhaps I need to redefine the word heroic.  Perhaps the real heroes are the ones who consistently do what needs doing at any given moment.  Perhaps it is precisely the people who will never be interviewed on the eleven-clock news, who are the real heroes.

 

 

 

Of Broken Glasses, Diligence, and Patience

“Let us run with patience the race that is set before us . . .” (Hebrews 12:1).

Aside from breaking a glass last night at work, I did pretty well waiting tables at one of my restaurants last night.

However, I wonder: Does this “little” (??) thing show me things about myself which I need to attend to?

I broke the glass as I was taking it to dish to be washed.  I had my tray overloaded.  Yes, I was trying to do a better job of busing my tables.  I was being more diligent, right?

Maybe not!  Trying to take too much at a time could be considered diligence.  It could also be diligent form of laziness.

The desire to do a lot right now, an impatience with the process and long-term commitment—these things have plagued me all my life.  I am addicted to quick.

I have tended to blame my dad for not being patient with me, and thus, being unable to teach me things.  Perhaps that is true.

On the other hand, perhaps the more relevant truth for me is that I was and am not patient enough with myself and with the process of learning new things and accomplishing necessary tasks.

It’s amazing how much a broken glass can teach you if you really listen to the sound of shattering glass!

ON HELPING SOME ROBINS BUILD A NEST

DTEB,

I helped some robins build their nest today!

No, I did not directly help.  They didn’t need my direct help, and I’m sure they would have managed without me.

However, . . .

This morning, as I was going back inside after having my yogurt and strawberries on the deck, I saw three robins on our garage roof.  It was likely two males and one female. One bird had straw in her (??) beak.  One of the other birds (a male?) was chasing the other bird (another male?) away.

I am basing my reading of the little drama which played out before me on certain assumptions about the behavior of birds.  I am no ornithologist, so these assumptions need to be taken as just that—assumptions.

Assumption # 1: Female birds are more interested in building nests than in fighting off other birds.

Assumption # 2: Males are more territorial than are females, and want to keep the females all for themselves.

Of course, I may be wrong in both of these assumptions.  Perhaps I am (mis)understanding birds in terms of fairly common human behavior.  If so, I sincerely apologize to the entire species!

How did I help, you may ask?  I provided the straw!

Oh, alright: I didn’t really provide the straw for the birds.  I got it a couple of months ago, trying to keep my strawberries from freezing.

Still, it was rather satisfying to see them using something I had provided, no matter how unintentional my provision was.

I was reminded of a little drama I saw played out many years ago.  Two sparrows were making love in a large oak tree outside my office window.  I looked away because I did not wish to violate an intensely personal moment for the birds.  It was a cold day in January, and I marveled at their courage.  I was battling depression, and was heartened by the birds.

The very next morning, I saw what I could only assume were the same two birds in the same tree.  They both had twigs in their beaks, ready to build a nest.  Make love, make a nest: It is important to do both!

I am not too old now for the making of nests.

Or then again, am I?

Perhaps I—perhaps all of us—can nurture life in one way or another.  Or, at the very least, we can provide some straw.

 

KEEPING UP APPEARANCES

DTEB, THE LIE OF “AS IF,” GENESIS 27, 12

“Perhaps my father will feel me, then I will be as a deceiver in his sight, and I will bring upon myself a curse and not a blessing” (Genesis 27:12 The New American Standard Bible, 1995).

Did you notice the little word “as” above?  No?  I admit it is a little word—indeed, it might be regarded a throwaway word, not even fit to put in a yard sale.

Years ago, I had a professor at Hebrew Union College who would often remind us that “context is everything.”  He would sometimes say (or write on the board) C.I.E., for short.

So, what is the context for Genesis 27:12?

The patriarch of the family, Isaac, was old, blind.  Isaac thought he was about to die soon, and was planning to give his favored son, Esau, the blessing.  Rebekah heard of this, and hatched a scheme to steal the blessing for her favored son, Jacob.

The word “as” is part of the dialog between Rebekah and Jacob, as they plot to deceive Jacob (Rebekah’s husband and Jacob’s father) in order to cheat Esau (Jacob’s brother and also Rebekah’s son) out of the blessing.

Family intrigue is such a lovely thing, isn’t it?  And you thought it was just a soap opera thing?

When Rebekah proposes her plan to deceive Isaac, Jacob’s only protest is that his father may realize that he is trying to deceive him.  Jacob is not concerned with whether what his mom is proposing is right.  Jacob is not worried about long-term results.  He does not think about the effects on his own character, on his brother, on his father.  He apparently does not even care about the possible effects on his mother, who offers to take his curse upon herself.

Now, let me quote verse 12 again, with one word highlighted: “Perhaps my father will feel me, then I will be AS a deceiver in his sight, and I will bring upon myself a curse and not a blessing.”

Did you notice the word this time?  Of course you did!  I have made it inescapably obvious.

The Hebrew word  means “like, similar to, as.”  Jacob is not saying that he will be a deceiver.  He is only saying that he will appear to be a deceiver “in his father’s eyes.”  (There may be an ironic intent here, since Isaac is blind!)

Jacob is not worried about what he is about to do, nor is he worried about what he is becoming.  He is only worried about keeping up appearances.

Before I go off on Jacob (or you), I need to consider myself.  How many times have I been more interested in appearances than reality?  I am reminded of the saying, “All I ever wanted out of reality was . . . out!”

The tendency to be more interested in appearances than in reality is well formed in every child by age three.  We laugh at the three-year-old who denies getting into the cookie jar, even though his mouth is covered with cookie crumbs.

However, even as we laugh, there is a queasy feeling that we have not entirely grown up ourselves in this regard.  The vast majority of us don’t become more interested in reality as we age.  We just become better at hiding the fact that we are concerned primarily or exclusively with appearances.  We even learn to hide our real concerns from ourselves.  We are all very good at covering our . . .  I will spare you the crude pun, which involved the word “as.”

Of course, Jacob did succeed in keeping up the appearance of being someone else.  Well, at least he kept up that appearance long enough to succeed in stealing the blessing.

Or did he succeed?  He spent twenty years in self-imposed exile.  It appears that Rebekah died while he was in exile.  He arrived home just in time to bury his father.  He was repeatedly deceived by his father-in-law and by his own children.

Yes, Jacob was blessed with wives, children, and material goods.  And yet . . .

The more I reflect on this story, the more I feel myself being sucked into it.  I identify entirely too easily with Jacob.  I find that I am no longer reading the Bible.  Rather, it is reading me.  And, in reality, I do not like to be read.  I like to hide.  I don’t like reality; I like appearances.

God, help me to accept reality!  I can’t do this on my own!

The solution to practicing the not-so-fine art of appearances sounds simple: We need to confess reality.  Such confession my sound simple, but it feels like an amputation.

Proverbs 28:13 boils it down to a very terse maxim: “He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, But he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion” (The New American Standard Bible, 1995).

Dark secrets, like certain bacteria, tend to multiply in dark places.  The bright sunlight of God’s forgiveness will kill appearances, and foster my/your/our growth in reality.

FORGIVING THE UNFORGIVABLE

FORGIVING THE UNFORGIVABLE

Will the really wicked person please stand up?  What?!  You’re not standing!  Why not?  I am!

Our pastor preached an excellent sermon based on Matthew 18:21-35.  He said one thing, however, that I found hard to swallow.  He said that we had all wronged God more than anyone had wronged us.

Now wait a minute, I thought to myself!  What about someone who holds vindictive feelings toward someone who has murdered a person whom the vindictive person loved?  Surely in that case . . .

And then I remembered two things.  A third thing came later, as I reflected further on the sermon.

One of the things which immediately came to mind was one of my students whose son was murdered.  The father forgave his son’s killer.  Indeed, now that the man is out of prison, they get together to pray for one another.

The second thing which came to mind before I could have a mental debate with my pastor about this matter was another father-son relationship, which I had conveniently forgotten.  God had a Son, and he died to pay the sin-debt of us all.  Therefore, as I understand the matter, I have killed God’s Son.  I am the murderer.

Suddenly, it didn’t seem so hard to forgive others.  I had indeed hurt God more than anyone could ever hurt me!

And later, a third thought wormed its way into my hard heart and twisted mind: If God is the greatest lover of them all, and if he loves everyone and everything in His universe, and if every wrong that we do is a perversion of love, then God is the most intense sufferer of them all.  If God forgives me, it is indeed a terribly wicked thing to refuse to forgive others.

Well, I need to bring this post to an end.  I have a few people to forgive, and I need to do it now!

The God who Leans Forward to Listen

NAU  Psalm 17:6 “I have called upon You, for You will answer me, O God; Incline Your ear to me, hear my speech.” (Psalm 17:6, The New American Standard Bible, 1995).

This is one of the most audacious ways of addressing God that anyone could possibly imagine.

It is a command to God to listen to the suffering, praying person.  The verbs “incline” and “hear” are in the imperative.  The psalmist is commanding the God of the universe to listen!

Does this strike anyone besides me as being strange, inappropriate—even blasphemous?

And yet, there it is: a mortal creature made of skin and bones, ultimately made from dust, and destined for dust, telling the Creator of the Universe to listen.

But perhaps genuine prayer always verges on blasphemy.

I am especially struck by the command to God to lean (“incline”) His ear to this petitioner.  Is God perhaps going deaf?  After all, he is called “the Ancient of Days” in Daniel 7:13!  Perhaps God is too old to hear prayers unless he leans forward?

However, I suspect that there are other reasons why a person might lean forward to listen.

A person leans forward when someone is speaking in order to show the speaker that the listener is really interested and listening deeply.  Just as a lover leans forward to hear something his beloved is saying, just as a good friend leans into what we are saying, so it is with God.  Strange as it may sound, God actually likes to listen to us.

Perhaps a person leans forward when the speaker’s voice is faint.  And let’s face it: Sometimes our voices are in fact faint.  At such times, we can (and probably should), picture God leaning forward to listen to our desperate whisper.

Sometimes an adult leans forward to listen to a child.  We all become little children in certain situations.  When we feel that we are surrounded by enemies (Psalm 17:9), we may pray like little children, running to their momma or daddy.  And like the good father that God is, He bends down to listen to us.

It is a hauntingly bold metaphor, isn’t it?  A God who leans forward to listen, and a praying person who is allowed to command God to do just that!  When was the last time I commanded God to lean forward?  Perhaps now would be a good time.

Too Many Words

“I have often regretted speech, never my silence” (Publilius Syrus, Maxim 1070).

My wife thinks that I use too many words.  She’s right.

Let me say more about that!

I have always been fascinated by words.  I was that strange kid who cried in first grade when he had to give up his reading workbook at the end of the school year.  (No, I am not kidding!)

That is strike one.

Also, I am blessed (??) with Attention Deficit Disorder, so I struggle to remember what I just said.  (Did I mention that I have Attention Deficit Disorder?)

Steeerike 2!

Furthermore, I am profoundly mistrustful about my own communication skills.  I don’t doubt that you are capable of understanding plain English—although it isn’t always so plain, is it?  What I am wondering is whether or not what I just said was plain English.  So, I keep trying to communicate clearly.

Strike 3!  I’m out!

However, the Scripture is even more direct than my kind and patient wife is.

“Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God. For God is in heaven and you are on the earth; therefore let your words be few” (Ecclesiastes 5:2).

Jesus said, “But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment” (Matthew 12:36).

James seems to link talking too much with anger—a linkage which makes me really angry!

“This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20).

So, I really need to work on improving my “T.Q” (Terse Quotient).  But how to do I go about working on this?

For one thing, I can realize and confess that if the Bible teaches or commands something, it is not likely impossible.  What is important to God may be difficult.  In fact, it often is.  However, it is rarely impossible.

Second, I can change my attitude toward words.  Yes, I am fascinated by words.  However, that doesn’t automatically mean that I have to use them as much as I do.  What is loved can still be used sparingly.  “Don’t talk so much. You keep putting your foot in your mouth. Be sensible and turn off the flow!” (Proverbs 10:19, The Living Bible).

Third, I can begin thinking a little more highly of my communication skills.  I was talking on the phone this morning with a friend.  We encourage and hold one another accountable.  He prayed for me over the phone, and said something to the effect that I was wise in what I said, and a good listener.  My friend is no fool.  He is a wise speaker and a good listener as well.  I need to start listening to wise friends (including my wife), and become an even better listener by turning off the flow of words.

Getting Back to the Garden

          What to do when you know what to do, but don’t want to.

 

Many years ago, I was part of a 50-Day Spiritual Adventure which was entitled “What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do.”  It was quite helpful.

However, my problem these days is even more serious.  I struggle with doing what I need to do, even when I know what that looks like.

With the cross looming over him, Jesus washed the feet of his disciples (John 13:17).  Washing the feet of guests was generally reserved for broken down old slaves who were not good for much else.  Apparently, God is not above doing the most menial tasks.

In a sense, the washing of feet was just a practical necessity.  Neither hygiene nor roads were good in those days.  Before a meal, it was important that your feet be washed.

Furthermore, when people ate in those days, they were in a reclining position.  This meant that one person’s nose was in the general proximity of someone else’s feet!  So, Jesus was taking care of a very important olfactory matter.

In a deeper sense, Jesus was giving his disciples an example (13:15).  His action was not a one-off.  It was a pattern for his followers.

However, Jesus also said in verse 17, “Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.”  I really wish he hadn’t said that!

I was born outside the Garden of Eden, and have been searching for it ever since.  The problem is that I am committed to searching for it only where it is not.

The Garden of Eden is not primarily a place of delight.  It is primarily a place of obedience.  Happiness comes only when we do what we know to do.

Anybody need their feet washed?

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