Monthly Archives: February 2023

“Regarding this Small Universe, the History of a Man-Made Lake, and My Brother”

On February 27, 2023 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“It’s a small world.” (Source unknown, but it is an old saying.)

My sweetheart and I went to a street party where we’re staying. We are on Kentucky Street here on the outskirts of Sarasota. Our place on Kentucky has a lovely view of a man-made lake called “Lake Ibis”. At our street party, one of the permanent residents named Larry gave a brief history of the lake.

There’s a lot I don’t know, but not much that doesn’t interest me, so I listened attentively. I had eaten too many snacks and figured that my ears could burn off most of the 2,000 or so calories I had just consumed in a matter of minutes.

Apparently, according to Larry, the dirt from where our lake is now was used in the construction of nearby I-75, which is less than a mile from Lake Ibis.. And that is when it hit me: My brother worked on a stretch of I-75 back in the 1950s. He moved dirt. In fact, one of my earliest childhood memories is visiting my brother, just up the road. It is entirely possible, I thought to myself, that my brother had something to do with moving the dirt from what is now “our lake” to I-75.

I suddenly felt closer to my brother than I had in a long time. He took his own life over ten years ago. I’ve struggled to forgive him for that. I struggle still.

. . .

Further research indicated that this section of I-75 wasn’t finished until long after the mid-1950s when we visited my brother. By the time Lake Ibis was being dug, my brother was helping to build rough highways through the Outback in Australia. (Yes, he did indeed live an adventuresome life!)

However, even though the facts didn’t line up with my original notion, the truth is that I still felt closer to my brother. I was able to grieve his loss and to move a little further along the long road of forgiveness. Sometimes, even false connections help us to connect. I also felt more lovingly connected to the lake itself.

I am not fond of the New Age Movement in some ways, but it gets at least one thing right: Everything in the world—and probably the universe—is connected. Honoring that connection is important. Dishonoring it is a slow death. Perhaps dishonoring that omni connection is itself a form of suicide.

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“On the Writing of One Paragraph”

On February 25, 2023 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

A friend of mine and I are writers. However, we don’t always write. This is very awkward, since a writer who doesn’t write isn’t a writer. It’s a bit like a person who says he/she is a tennis player, even though that person never plays tennis. (By the way, I just wrote a paragraph! I am a writer!)

Most healthy, life-giving activities involve some teeny tiny regular behavior that we do. For example, this morning I put on my running clothes and went for a walk/run. Am I healthier as a result of doing this? Probably, a little bit. If this becomes a regular discipline, it will be really healthy. I will become (as I used to be) a runner.

To change big things, I need to be willing to be doing little things consistently. Of course, I really don’t want to do little things; I want to do BIG HAIRY AUDACIOUS THINGS!

But here is the truth: Big things are comprised of a lot of little things. Wanting to do big things without paying attention to the little things is like teleportation—a nice fantasy, but not a realistic strategy.

Jesus said that even people who gave a thirsty person a cup of water in his name would not lose his/her reward. Giving a person a cup of water isn’t a huge things—unless, of course, that person is thirsty. Perhaps little paragraphs, little walks, and little cups of water is not so little after all.

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“Hermione Released”

On February 24, 2023 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

A great blue heron was released back into the wild on Monday. Hermione had somehow gotten a hook stuck at her neck. She couldn’t eat. The wound became infected with mites. She was a few hours away from dying.

But someone here at the RV resort where we are staying called the wild bird rescue people. Surgery, antibiotics, and a lot of Loving Care led to her return to Lake Ibis. My wife and I were there when they let her out of her cage and she flew across the lake and landed in her favorite tree.

Those who were watching cried, cheered, and laughed. It was a wonderful moment when my faith in the kindness and caring hearts of human beings was restored. I think I was let out of a cage of cynicism that has developed over the past several years of political and social turmoil.

But above all, I thought of my fellow addicts who are in recovery. We have been let out of our self-imposed cages, free to fly again. Was there some effort on our part? Yes, of course. But then there were our fellow addicts who helped get the hooks out of our necks, who helped us to heal, who fed us with her own experience, strength, and hope when we had none of our own.

And then, of course, there was our higher power. Some of us know that that higher power is called God. And some of us not only believe in God, but also in God’s son Jesus Christ. And we believe that he has set us free.

The word for salvation in Hebrew in the Old Testament is a word which means “to give space or to give room to someone or something”. A lot of people, I am afraid, think that Christianity is a matter of constricting people, of restricting people. Frankly, we Christians often give unbelievers that impression. However, the basic word for salvation is a word which speaks of ultimate freedom and not constriction or restriction. We may need to be in cages for our own protection for a little while during the healing process. But that is very temporary.

Faith in God frees us to fly again, to live again.

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“Freedom to Be Myself”

On February 15, 2023 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

My 12-step sponsee was writing about how recovery from addiction feels so free and good. I responded with the aphorism, “To be free of self is to be a self that is free.” I am not sure if this is original. I kind of doubt it. More importantly, I believe it is true.

Since I was probably about 14 or 15 years old, I have realized that there were several different “selves” living in me, some of which I liked and was proud of and some of which I didn’t and wasn’t. Over the years, the selves I didn’t like became more and more prominent. I suspect that this is not a totally unfamiliar dynamic to some of you. As someone has said, “We don’t become better with age, just more so.”

Speaking to some Jewish folks who had (at least tentatively) believed in him, Jesus said, “If the son sets you free, you are free indeed.” (John 8:36, my translation) Jesus had just spoken to these sort-of believers about freedom. Immediately, there was a problem. They thought that they were already free. After all, they were the offspring of Abraham. How could they be anything other than free.

But Jesus wasn’t buying it. He pointed out to these “free” people that anyone who sins is the slave of sin. This is certainly true of the patterns we call addiction, but it is true with any and every kind of evil thoughts and behaviors. Yes, we are free to sin. No, we are not free once we do. And with every wrong-doing, the next wrong-doing becomes soooo much easier. Perhaps our friends and loved ones—and even strangers—can see our chains and hear them rattling, but we cannot. Ignorance doesn’t make the chains unreal. Ignorance just makes us unreal.

But there is a way out. Jesus claimed to be that way. We forge our own chains, put them on, and then trudge through life, less and less alive. We forged the chains and put them on, but we can’t take them off. Addicts who are in recovery know this. In some ways, we are the lucky ones. “Normal people”, if such people even exist, may fool themselves into thinking they are free. Recovering addicts know better. We know that, without a Higher Power, we continue to be slaves. Not every recovering addict knows that this Higher Power is manifested in Jesus, but there are many who do believe this. I am one of them. And when I am living the Jesus-way, I do indeed find that I am free from self and free to be my self.

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“Reveling in the Love”

On February 14, 2023 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

My 12-step affirmation for today is as follows:

“Today, with God’s help, I am reveling in the love of God and others and helping others to revel in my love for them. Let the reveling begin and never end!”

Happy Valentine’s Day! Are you reveling in the love today, or are you saying, “Wake me up when this is over”? Or worse, perhaps you don’t believe in love at all. A guy that I liked a lot back in my undergrad days was skeptical about everything: god, people, meaning. That was why I liked him.

“You don’t believe in love,” I said to him one day. To my surprise, he shot back with, “Of course I do!” When he had savored my shocked expression for a few seconds, he continued, “We couldn’t have tennis without it!” I’m not much of a tennis player, but even I know that love means nothing in tennis. To some of us, love means nothing. Yes, period, full stop, and a Forrest Gump, “That’s all I’ve got to say about that.” Some of us would have difficulty in reveling in something that we don’t even believe exists.

And we need to face it: There seems to be plenty of evidence for hate in our world today. Where on earth is the evidence of love?

Well, that’s a good question. For once, I have a good answer. Love in sleeping a few feet away from me. In a little, she will get up and fix breakfast. She will have already run a brush through her lovely grey hair. She doesn’t really need to do that; I like it when it goes every-which-a-way. But she wants to be presentable as she fries our eggs. She loves me for no particular reason. That’s good because there isn’t a reason.

Last night, my wife and I won a trivia contest. We were playing “The Happy Couples” quiz game at the RV resort where we are staying. One of the questions that I got right was, “What will your wife say is her best personality trait.” I was initially stumped. There are so many. I started to type “Helpfulness” into the phone, but then I thought, no, and typed in “Forgiveness”. She knew that’s what I would say. She knew right.

But my wife’s forgiving love is based on something: her awareness that God has loved her and forgiven her. I revel in her love because she revels in the love of God.

There is the story that is the New Testament about a cat named “Jesus of Nazareth”. He lived, taught, and died for the love of God and the love of us. He also loved us so much that he was raised from the dead. Apparently, it is true what they say: Real love never dies. Or, rather, real love does die, but not forever. It will rise from the dead, more surely than the sun is rising as I write this post. Real Love will also give us life and the ability to forgive.

Again, I say, happy Valentine’s Day!

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“Pride in its Proper Place”

On February 13, 2023 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I did a 12-step reading the other day that made me think a bit differently about the “vice” (??) of pride.

Pride works from within; it is the direct appreciation of oneself.
  Arthur Schopenhauer

Pride, like all emotions, has two faces: one healthy and one sick. It is our challenge to use the healthy side well. Sick pride fills us with ourselves, looks down on others, and has no room for generosity. Healthy pride is heavy with humility. If we can feel joyful when we succeed, and tell others about it honestly, we are not being boastful.

Sick pride often keeps us from doing things because we are too proud to ask for help when we need it, or too proud to risk failure, or too proud to do anything that might not turn out perfect.

Healthy pride about our greatest victories always comes with the awareness that we did not do it all by ourselves. We had the aid, advice, and encouragement of loved ones. In all things that really count, we never walk alone. Even those who claim pride is not a virtue admit that it is the parent of many virtues.

What makes me proud of myself today?

From Today’s Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©1985, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

Of course, even healthy pride is prone to getting sick. It can pick up the common cold with uncommon ease. And, with Pride, the common cold can develop into cancer in a matter of seconds.

Christian thinkers, from Augustine of Hippo to C.S. Lewis, have pointed out that evil is not the opposite of good. Rather, evil is the twisting of something that is good. The Bible has verses that suggest the same.

For example, the Apostle Paul (whom I suspect was a person who struggled with pride) said that there was a good kind of boasting—boasting in the LORD (1 Corinthians 1:31) Boasting is usually a sign of sick pride. Healthy pride is focused outward and upward toward God.

This same Paul pointed out that, if we play our cards right, the very God in whom we boast will commend us. “Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God.” (1 Corinthians 4:5, English Standard Version) In other words, God wants to be proud of us!

So, when we actually do something right, it is okay to acknowledge that. However, if we go on and on about it, rest assured that we have crossed over into a pride that does not serve anyone well, least of all, ourselves.

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