Posts Tagged: suicide

“Regarding this Small Universe, the History of a Man-Made Lake, and My Brother”

“It’s a small world.” (Source unknown, but it is an old saying.)

My sweetheart and I went to a street party where we’re staying. We are on Kentucky Street here on the outskirts of Sarasota. Our place on Kentucky has a lovely view of a man-made lake called “Lake Ibis”. At our street party, one of the permanent residents named Larry gave a brief history of the lake.

There’s a lot I don’t know, but not much that doesn’t interest me, so I listened attentively. I had eaten too many snacks and figured that my ears could burn off most of the 2,000 or so calories I had just consumed in a matter of minutes.

Apparently, according to Larry, the dirt from where our lake is now was used in the construction of nearby I-75, which is less than a mile from Lake Ibis.. And that is when it hit me: My brother worked on a stretch of I-75 back in the 1950s. He moved dirt. In fact, one of my earliest childhood memories is visiting my brother, just up the road. It is entirely possible, I thought to myself, that my brother had something to do with moving the dirt from what is now “our lake” to I-75.

I suddenly felt closer to my brother than I had in a long time. He took his own life over ten years ago. I’ve struggled to forgive him for that. I struggle still.

. . .

Further research indicated that this section of I-75 wasn’t finished until long after the mid-1950s when we visited my brother. By the time Lake Ibis was being dug, my brother was helping to build rough highways through the Outback in Australia. (Yes, he did indeed live an adventuresome life!)

However, even though the facts didn’t line up with my original notion, the truth is that I still felt closer to my brother. I was able to grieve his loss and to move a little further along the long road of forgiveness. Sometimes, even false connections help us to connect. I also felt more lovingly connected to the lake itself.

I am not fond of the New Age Movement in some ways, but it gets at least one thing right: Everything in the world—and probably the universe—is connected. Honoring that connection is important. Dishonoring it is a slow death. Perhaps dishonoring that omni connection is itself a form of suicide.

“On Not Giving Up”

I was thinking about giving up.

I was listening to an Andy Stanley sermon titled, “You’re Not the Boss of Me.”  Part 1 was difficult to hear, in view of how all-over-the-map my emotions are right now.  It is hard for me to tell my emotions, “You’re not the boss of me,” when they are being particularly bossy.

As I walked, I listened to Andy Stanley’s “You’re Not the Boss of Me,” part 2.  It was about guilt.  The first ten minutes were, even by Andy’s own admission, pretty depressing.  He was warning about trying to deny, or minimize, or blame someone else for the harmful things we’ve done.  My walk and my listening were getting more and more depressed and depressing.

What was the use of trying to get clean and honest?  It had not brought healing to my children, to my wife, to others I had harmed.  Had it even brought healing to me?  Telling the truth as best I could had simply caused others to wonder what else I might be hiding.  What was the point of anything?  Why not just give up?

Just as Andy Stanley was making the turn toward the fact that Jesus had died for all our sins and guilt, that we were no longer condemned or defined by our guilt, I made the turn down one of the cull-de-sacs.  I finally had enough courage to look up from my blue running shoes, and there, in a yard at the turn of the street, was a sign:

DON’T GIVE UP

This seemed very strange, in view of what I had just been listening to, and feeling, and thinking.  “Surely, this is a mirage,” I said to myself.

But, no, it wasn’t a mirage.  It was still stubbornly there as I got closer.

I knew the couple who lived there—slightly.  We had chatted a few times when we were out walking in the neighborhood.  So, I walked up the sidewalk, and rang the doorbell.  The man of the house came to the door.

“I needed to see your sign,” I said.

“Thanks,” he said.  “I’ve got several of them at work as well.”

“Is this some sort of program?” I asked.

“It is to encourage young people who are depressed or suicidal,” he replied.

“I’m afraid it isn’t just young people who struggle with depression or suicidal tendencies,” I said, fighting back the tears.  “Your sign was just what I needed to see.  Thanks.”

I continued my walk.  Another street, another cul-de-sac.  When I made the turn at the end of the cul-de-sac, I looked up and there was the lady of the DON’T-GIVE-UP house walking toward me.  She walked with me a while, and she talked a bit about why they had the sign, and how the signs were the brainchild of a concerned person on the West Coast.  The lady left me with a card for a free mental health program and a prayer.  “You are an angel of God for me today,” I said to her.  Only just now, I remembered that her name was Angela.

Sometimes, we all need a sign from God.  And sometimes, the sign is a sign.

“DYING DAILY AND RENEWED DAILY”

“That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day.”  (2 Corinthians 4:16, New Living Translation)

A friend of mine took his own life a few days ago.  He was a good man, who always reminded me that I am a good man.

What brings a person to such a decision?

Life, I suppose.  Or, at least, the struggles of life.

Sometimes, we don’t know the struggles, the ghosts from the past, the inner demons, that haunt even the apparently cheerful people who make other people happy.  In this case, I knew many of my friend’s struggles.  However, I didn’t see this coming.  Perhaps we never do.

The Scripture verse for the day on the YouVersion of the Bible was 2 Corinthians 4:16.  I looked at the verse in the Greek.  I was not surprised to find that all the verbs in this verse are in the present tense.  The present tense in Greek often suggests a continual, ongoing, repetitive action.  Paul says that he and his helpers “never give up” (present tense).  Although their bodies are continually dying (present tense), their spirits are being continually renewed (present tense).

Death is continually working in us and on us sinners.  But for believers, God is always working in us and on us, too.  And God’s work in our spirits is far more powerful than death’s work in our bodies.

Choosing life is never easy.  I understand those who choose death instead.  But just because a choice is easy, that doesn’t mean that it is right.

Socrates was asked, near the end of his life, if suicide wasn’t a wise choice.  Socrates responded that there was a secret whispered among the gods that we are not our own jailor, and that we have no right to let ourselves out of their cell.

My friend was more loved and valued than he knew.  Perhaps we all are.  And no matter how difficult life may be—or is—we are unwise to end it prematurely.  Being continually renewed day by day isn’t easy, but then, nothing worthwhile is likely to be easy.  Even God doesn’t exist to make things easy.  But God does make things possible.

I plan to get on with living.  How about you?

 

“SCHOOL SHOOTINGS:  A SPIRITUAL AND A POLITICAL ISSUE”

Recently, in a Christian worship context, I heard someone say that the recent mass shooting in a Florida school was “. . . a spiritual issue, not a political one.”

For some reason, that did not ring entirely true to me when I heard it.  I think I may have figured out why I feel that way.

First, let me come clean about my own relationship with guns.

I grew up on a farm in Adams County.  Long before I could drive a car, I had learned to shoot a gun.  Primarily, I shot for pleasure.  A lot of tin and aluminum cans died at my hands.

I also hunted, primarily rabbits.  I was taught that “you eat what you kill.”  Even now, I probably could skin and gut a rabbit without much effort or conscious thought.

Then I met this beautiful girl to whom I am now married.  When I would get ready to go hunting, she would sing this pitiful little song about a rabbit being hunted.  Soon, I went back to just plinking at tin cans.  About the only critter I shot was the occasional clay pigeon.  (For those of you who may not know what a clay pigeon is, let me put your minds at ease: It is not a real pigeon.)

However, my attitude about guns has changed over the years.  I never owned an automatic or semi-automatic rifle, and have come to believe that no one outside of the military needs to have such weapons.  I’ve never heard of any real hunter using such a weapon.  If I did hear of such a person, I would say, “No, you’re not a real hunter.”

My transformation from an enthusiastic shooter to an advocate for stricter gun control was solidified by my grandson’s suicide.  Yes, he used a gun to take his own life.  Yes, he might have taken his own life anyway.  On the other hand, if he had been forced to do it in some other way, it might have slowed him down enough to come to some more rational way of thinking about ending his life.  Maybe.  Of course, there is no way of knowing.  One thing I know for sure: He took his own life with a gun.

So, back to the comment about the gun violence in Florida being a spiritual rather than a political issue.

In a deep sense, this statement was absolutely on target.  The truth is that people were taking their own or one another’s lives long before the invention of gunpowder or automatic weapons.  We are not told precisely how Cain killed his brother Abel.  Was it a stick, a rock, his bare hands?  We are not told.  What we do know is that Cain killed his brother.

The issue is the wickedness, the alienation, envy, hatred, and resentment in the human heart.  No law can hope to deal with this.

However, allowing people to procure and use automatic or semi-automatic weapons is a political issue, and it is one that we could do something about, if we chose to do so.  As with my grandson, we could at least make it more difficult for people to kill themselves or others.

The truth, at least as I see it is this: We cannot compartmentalize human problems into “spiritual” and “political.”  The contents of those compartments tend to eat through every wall we try to construct in order to keep them sealed off from one another.  Spiritual issues have political implications, and political issues have spiritual implications.

It is ironic that often (though of course, not always) those who view gun violence through a “spiritual” lens, do not do so when it comes to abortion.  In other words, they are eager to elect (a political act, if ever there was one) pro-life representatives or presidents.  But is abortion not a spiritual issue too?  Surely it is both spiritual and political.  So is gun violence, I think.

I am not an expert on either guns or politics or spirituality, but it seems to me that we all need to become more informed and less inclined to simply shout slogans at one another.  Neither pro- nor anti-gun slogans will bring back my grandson or the young people who lost their lives in Florida.  Neither will compartmentalizing the issue.

“When it is a Sad Anniversary”

Today is a sad anniversary for me.  Someone I love a great deal took his own life on this day.

He was a good guy in many ways, just confused.  And like all survivors of suicide, I tend to blame myself.

However, it is important, even in the sad times (perhaps, most of all during the sad times) to remember the good qualities of someone.  This young person was funny, and loving, and wise beyond his years.  There are good memories, as well as the huge hole in my heart.

“Love is as strong as death,” says the Song of Songs, chapter 8, verse 6.  The Apostle Paul takes it even further.  The greatest thing in the world is love, and it will last (1 Corinthians 13:13).  In 13:8, Paul says, “Love never fails.”

Really?  Even when it seems to have failed completely?

Yes!  Even then!

So, I go on loving.  Why let the grave stop me?  It didn’t stop Jesus!

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