Monthly Archives: June 2022
“Hot Weather, Blankets, and Prayer”
Today’s post is a Facebook post by a loving but exasperated mom. You will understand the title better after you read the post. Here it is!
“Are my kids amazing? Yes. Do they also make me lose my mind at least once a day? Yes. Absolutely yes.
This morning in the organized madness of trying to get all four kids out the door., I had to run back in the house twice to get car blankets. Never mind that it’s the middle of summer, we’re in a heatwave, and we swam like three times yesterday because it was “sooo hot!” Car blankets. We had real tears, genuine sadness, and basically accusations of borderline child abuse should I not go back in the house and grab them these dang blankets. Cue me in utter exasperation digging through the hall closet trying to find these blankets that, “silly me!” I put up once the cold weather was over.
But it’s fine. Everything’s fine. We aren’t even late! Probably because I started preparing for our exit 2 hours prior… At least now I can drive in peace knowing that my children will not freeze in this intense weather.
Anyway, if your kids’ logic is as gloriously flawed as mine, I see you. I hear you. But also, so does God. And I can imagine the number of times he is shaking his head at me in exasperation as I whine for something I clearly don’t need, but adamantly, deep in my core, believe that I do.
Thank you Lord for your patience with me. For gently leading me when I am so far off base that it’s comical. Guide me to trust that You know best. Help me to have that same love and wisdom with my children and with everyone I interact with today. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
“What We Have, What We Have Been Given, and What We Give”
A 12-step friend quoted a reading from a recovery book that furthered my quest for sanity and wholeness:
“In OA, we measure our wealth not by what we have but by what we have given.
Teach me to give.”
This set me to ruminating, and this post is the fruit of my rumination. I think that one way to look at this is to say that there are three very different approaches to life. People fall into one of these three camps, based on their dominant values.
First, there are the “I-havers”. These folks base their lives on the idea that if they have certain things, their life is good. In a sense, it doesn’t even matter whether they have something or not. They are basing their sense of well-being on what they have—or would like to have. Years ago, I heard a slogan that might encapsulate this philosophy. “The winner is the one who dies with the most toys.” I fear that this group is the largest group. In fact, we probably all fall into it in one way or another, to one degree or another.
The second group might be called the “I-have-been-given-ers”. They are grateful and aware that they did not get whatever they have all by themselves. Even when they are going through tough times, they try to be thankful for the good times. Their philosophy is expressed in the Bible verse that says, “Give thanks in everything” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
The final group might be labeled the “I-have-to-givers”. I realized only after I thought of this phrase that you can read this label in two different ways. On the one hand, these folks have an inner compulsion to give to others. My wife is like that. She is a servant who never thinks she has done enough.
On the other hand (or also?), the “I-have-to-givers” realize that they have things in order to give. No doubt this helps to fuel their holy compulsion to give. These folks don’t have things in order to heap things up. They have things in order to give things out. Their approach to life might be summed up with the lapidary statement “You only really possess what you give away.”
Now the truth is that we all fall into one of these three groups at times. But the question is this: What is my dominant way of doing life? Perhaps an even better question is this: How will I do life today?
“A Land of Misfit Toys”
I love the Church and my own particular local church. However, I often wonder if 12-step groups don’t frequently out-church the church. Here is an email from a Saturday morning fellow 12-stepper:
“I am working on a document as part of my couple’s recovery. This particular section is “significant events in your road to recovery”. I wanted to share what was top of the list.
Finding connection at a random Sat morning group:
It is amazing to me that a key moment in my recovery came through a random Saturday morning group. When I came back from my program last summer, I had committed to attending a daily meeting. Although resentful of this commitment I accepted the value (at least on an intellectual level). At the time, I viewed meetings as a chore and as such tried to get them done early and out of the way. The summer is boat time and I had to find a meeting which would not interfere with the rest of my day. As it turns out, this particular group of people, who run an early Saturday recovery meeting have been lifesavers in many ways. They certainly have helped my relationship with my wife, but most importantly participation in the group has saved the relationship with myself. The group is made up of kind caring people who have humility laced with wit and humor. To me, this makes all the difference. I was quickly accepted among their ranks and even asked to participate in a smaller weekly meeting on Wednesday AM. I have learned through participation that despite how I often feel like Rudolf (alone and different), hiding and isolating is not the answer. This eclectic group of people show me every Saturday that you can have a very fulfilling life and a committed long-term relationship while also working to maintain sobriety, even if you sometimes feel you’re in the land of misfit toys.”
We all probably feel like misfit toys some of the time. Some of us feel that way all of the time. Alcoholics Anonymous started in a church building basement. To this day, many 12-step groups meet in churches. While I think that it matters a great deal what we believe, I think that treating people with kindness might work a lot better than simply telling people what they should believe. Kindness is a wonderful way to help people find the truths they need to find.
Of course, the church is all about relationships in any case: relationships with God and with one another. God loves misfits. We all fit with God, and I suspect that God expects us to fit in with one another as best we can—not necessarily agree, but get along. Getting agreement is much easier than getting along in the land of misfit humans, but getting along means more to God. Maybe it should be worth more to us as well.
“The God Who Often Fails”
My wife and I attend a church that likes to sing praise songs and preach about the God who never fails. However, I suspect that God often fails.
Now before you stop reading or burn me at the stake or anything, let me explain. I am not saying that God is a failure. I am simply saying that God often fails. No better?
Let me unpack this a bit. The God I pray to and trust (at least some of the time) often fails . . . to answer my prayers. Yes, I know. “No,” and “Wait and while” are answers too. Still, it certainly feels like God has failed when he fails to respond to my prayers in the way I want God to respond.
Of course, it is possible that some (most?) of my prayers are not really prayers to God at all, but merely my immaturity kicking and screaming for what it wants. Yes, that might be the problem. However, I don’t like that possibility, so I reject it.
It could be, though, that my perception of God’s failing to do what I ask really boils down to messed up priorities and a messed up view of God. Maybe God isn’t in the business of doing precisely what I want. Maybe I am victimizing myself with selfish desires and then blaming God.
It is possible.
“In the Business of Mercy”
A friend of mine wrote the following to me the other day:
“The more I stay in ‘most of that is none of my business’ mindset, the better I feel spiritually. Even if I do disagree with what someone is doing, or if I would do it differently myself, I can mind my own business by loving them anyway and not trying to control or manipulate. I can trust God with all of it. I actually just think about Jesus and his ministry of being with the most outcast people of society, the “sinners”, and how he showed them unconditional love. That’s how I want to be. Just loving people where they’re at, even if they’re screwing up, even if they’re wrong. I’m wrong all the time. I screw up all the time. And when I do, I really need mercy and love. I think we all do.”
We are in the business of mercy. Part of mercy is often minding our own business. Most people realize when they have messed up. Some even recognize that they are messed up. And yet, as I mentioned to my wife just this morning, I tend to be an editor of other people’s lives. Why do I do that?
I suspect that the main reason is that I don’t want to come terms with the things that I need to change in my own life. Focusing on what is wrong with “those people” avoids the messy and difficult task of trying to be changed myself. It doesn’t matter too much who “those people” are. It could be Democrats or Republicans, atheists or Christians, men or women, the young or the old . . . , just as long as it isn’t me.
Perhaps I should base my own personal mercy business on the premise that I have received much mercy from God and from other people. The truth is that I have indeed received a lot of mercy.
Perhaps too, I could practice mercy toward myself. Increasingly, I am convinced that all the Christian virtues need to be practiced not only by ourselves, but also on ourselves.
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
- “Even a Sliver of Light” April 9, 2024“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” (2 Corinthians 5:6, English Standard Version) I missed the total eclipse yesterday. There were a number of good reasons for this, but […]
- “The Process in Miracles and the Miracle of Process” March 11, 2024“2 Kings 5:1 Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Syria, was a great man with his master and in high favor, because by him the LORD had given victory to Syria. He was a mighty man of valor, but he was a leper. 2 Now the Syrians on one of their raids […]
- “The Power of Encouragement—Even for Old People” March 10, 2024“But encourage each other every day while it is ‘today.’ Help each other so none of you will become hardened because sin has tricked you.” (Hebrews 3:13, New Century Version) Yesterday, I was walking at a nearby park. There was a large group of young people some of whom were running while other young people […]
- “Endurance” March 10, 2024“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.” (Hebrews 10:36, English Standard Version) “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us […]
- “The Limits of Non-Judgmentalism” February 24, 2024“Matt. 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. Matt. 7:2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:1-2, English Standard Version) This morning, in my virtual 12-step meeting, we discussed the topic of judgmentalism. There were many wise […]
- “Delighting in Being Told What to Do?!?” February 23, 2024“Psa. 112:1 Praise the LORD! Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments! 2 His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. 3 Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures […]
- “Character is the Real Lesson” January 19, 2024I am often confused about what lesson I’m really supposed to be learning. For example, this morning I was trying to knock out several Spanish lessons. My intentions were a lot better than my internet connection. I’ve done three lessons. Or rather, I’ve done two lessons. One of them I did twice because the internet […]
- “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked” January 1, 2024Each year, I try to come up with one word or a short phrase for what I intend to work on in the upcoming year. 2024 is “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked”. What?!! What does that even mean? So glad that you asked! Jesus said to his disciples, “Why do you look at the speck […]
- “Searching for the Noble One” December 26, 2023My wife and I were reading Luke, chapter 2 on Christmas Day. Luke 2 talks about the shepherds being told to look for this very special child—in fact, this King—in a stable. I prefer the word “barn”. I grew up on a farm. I know what a barn is. A stable is entirely too biblical […]
- “That Don’t Impress God Much” December 14, 2023DTEB, “That Don’t Impress God Much” “That Don’t Impress Me Much” (Song by Robert John Lange and Shania Twain) Micah 6:8 (MSG) “But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be […]
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