Posts Tagged: gratitude
God’s Specific Likes about Us
God pulled off a surprise love attack on me this morning. God lured me into the trap in a quite trivial way. I thought I would start my day, not by grading students’ assignments, but by reading and meditating on some Scripture. By the way, I am not saying that reading Scripture is trivial. The triviality was connected with the way in which God pulled off his Surprise.
I had started reading through the book of 1 Peter the other day. I got stuck in verse 1 of chapter 1, doing a word study on the word “exiles”. (I am thinking about writing a book. Tentative title: Slow Reading: How to Not Finish Any Book.)
So, I started reading (again!) verse 1. I am proud to report that I have finished 1 Peter 1:1! (Ain’t I special?) However, it was upon reading the following words that God bushwacked me with his divine love: “Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bythinia.” You don’t get it? I don’t blame you! But stick with me.
I knew that these were the names of Roman provinces and that they were in what is now Turkey. But I couldn’t remember precisely where they were, so I went to my Accordance software. It has so much good stuff in it, most of which I don’t know about. I don’t even know how to navigate to it.
But I did find the map I was looking for—eventually. I scrolled down past all kind of interesting tables, charts, and maps. I was filled with joy at what an abundance of information I have literally at my fingertips. And then I thought about the abundance of wonderful people I’ve gotten to know (at least a little) over my lifetime. How incredibly wealthy I am, I thought to myself. God has been so good to me!
And then, I heard from God. “You haven’t seen anything yet, kid! I have all of eternity with you to show you interesting stuff.”
Now, I knew that this was indeed the voice of God, because the kind and loving tone of this remark is the hallmark of God’s communications to me. It is not the voice that I usually hear. The voices inside my head usually have some pretty cruel things to say to me.
But God wasn’t quite finished speaking yet. “And also, my dear child, I like and love how you are curious about and grateful for almost everything.”
Now, you may find it almost impossible to believe, but I have never in my life thought that God both liked and loved any particular thing about me. The idea (and it was just that, an idea) that God loves me was a general theological notion that I kind of, sort of believed. Now, however, the reality of the specificity of God’s love for me filled my entire body with light.
But God still wasn’t finished. “My child, there is actually a lot that I like and love about you.”
And you know what, my dear reader? The same is true for you and for everything else that God has made.
“Reflections on Being Married Fifty Years”
Today my wife and I have been married for fifty years. What on earth has kept us together?!?
Nothing. At least, nothing on earth has kept us together. But there is Heaven and Heaven’s God. Here’s the deal. My wife has been able to be patient with and forgiving of my very real and very serious character defects. I am trying hard to refrain from giving her any further reasons to forgive, but trying hard doesn’t mean that I always get it right. She has been able to be patient and forgiving because she knows a heavenly Father who is patient and forgiving. Easy, no. Possible, yes.
Also, she has had this intuition since we were dating that there is more goodness in me than I sometimes manifest. I’ve begun to suspect that she might be right. There is a verse in the Bible that says that God calls things that don’t exist as if they did—and actually brings those things into existence (Romans 4:17). While the verse originally had Abraham in mind, it seems to me to be capable of broader application. Just as in creation God called order out of chaos and something out of nothing, so God calls things that don’t exist into existence. And often, God uses human beings to do this miraculous thing. For me, Sharon was a miracle and a miracle worker.
Now, have I contributed to the longevity of our marriage as well? I certainly hope so. I can think of at least one thing that I’ve done and continue to do for her. I appreciate her, deeply, genuinely, continually. Hopefully I’ve done more than that. However, even if it were just that, such appreciation would be valuable, I hope. And I think that God is the one who helps me to be thankful for many things and people, but especially the miracle that is Sharon.
So, there it is, my brief principles for a good, long-lasting marriage—patience, forgiveness, seeing goodness in the other person, even when it is difficult, gratitude. It is not a magic formula. It’s way better than magic. It’s a prescription for a miracle.
I love you, sweetheart.
“Not Every Day is Going to be a Ten”
A friend of mine, who is a fellow-addict, often helps me to write these posts. He does a daily report to me. He had a rough day yesterday, but acknowledged in his report, “Not every day is gonna be a 10.”
This is a hard truth that I have to learn and relearn every day of my life. For example, yesterday I broke the terminal post off a new battery I was trying to install on my riding lawn mower. However, I tried something new: I refused to call myself a lot of unflattering and unrepeatable names. We can’t afford to buy another battery right now, but the old battery will still work (at least for now), if I charge it up before I try to start the mower.
My friend stayed sober and did good, healthy things despite his tough day. He also made a gratitude list. It is a never-ceasing wonder to me how many things there are in the universe for which to give thanks. For example, yesterday there was a mixture of sunshine and rain showers. During one of the little showers, I stood outside and just experienced the rain. I looked at the rain on the leaves of our wisteria, the flowers that my wife loves and knows all the names of, the green grass that needed to be mowed. I felt such joy.
My wife saw one of her little hummingbirds a couple of times today. She planted some basil in flowerpots, and it is thriving. She used to air fryer to dry some basil leaves, and the whole house smelled like basil. Nice!
Not every day is going to be a ten, but if we are alive, we get to experience whatever comes our way. Some of those experiences will be profoundly uncomfortable. Occasionally, those experiences will even be tragic. However, the fact is that we get to experience life makes every day worthwhile, even if is a .002 day.
“Betty’s Song”
There is a wonderful lady at our church named Betty. She was one of the first people to make us feel welcomed to the church when my wife and I were very much outsiders. She, along with the pastor’s good sermons, is one of the main reasons we are attending this church.
Betty also invited us to her home group. Often at our home group meetings, she leads us in a song that I had never heard before I heard her sing it. It is a lovely song. Of course, it does not hurt that Betty has an excellent singing voice.
Here are the lyrics:
“In the morning, I thank You for the breath that I have
The new strength, the good hope, Your light on my path
In the morning, I thank You for the life that I have
The blessing, the family, the roof on my head
In the morning, I thank You for everything that I have
Thank You, Lord, thank You
You are kind and good to me
Thank You, Lord, thank You
Thank You for everything that I have
In the evening, I thank You for all the things of this day
The sunshine, the moonshine, they shine on my path
In the evening, I thank You for the love that I have
The blessing is so amazing, it covers my heart
In the evening, I thank You for everything that I have
Thank You, Lord, thank You
You are kind and good to me
Thank You, Lord, thank You
Thank You for everything that I have
Thank You, Lord, thank You
You are kind and good to me
Thank You, Lord, thank You
Thank You for everything that I have
Thank You…”
It is a simple song, as most really good songs are. Giving thanks for the every-day blessings and for the obviously (??) special blessings is a very important thing to do. The two question marks after the word “obviously” are because blessings are not always so obvious. At least, they are not always obvious to me.
A roof over my head is not to be taken for granted. One estimate is that about half-a-million people are homeless in the richest country in the world. I will leave it to you to guess which country this might be. And, of course, there are many countries which have a much higher population of homeless. I say it again: A roof over my head is not to be taken for granted.
Then, there is sunshine and moonshine (not the beverage). This morning, when I took the dog out, there was a cold half-moon gracing the morning. It was so beautiful that it made my heart ache with joy.
God’s love, kindness, and goodness are an eternal source of gratitude. At least, they should be. Family, also, is not to be taken for granted—no matter how irritating or evil they may be at times. (Naturally, I myself am never irritating or evil.)
One final thought is this: I think that the reason Betty is able to be such a welcoming person is that she is so thankful. Gratitude has many wonderful benefits. One of them is that it makes us more welcoming to outsiders. Who knows? Gratitude might even help us to welcome the outsider that is ourselves.
“What We Have, What We Have Been Given, and What We Give”
A 12-step friend quoted a reading from a recovery book that furthered my quest for sanity and wholeness:
“In OA, we measure our wealth not by what we have but by what we have given.
Teach me to give.”
This set me to ruminating, and this post is the fruit of my rumination. I think that one way to look at this is to say that there are three very different approaches to life. People fall into one of these three camps, based on their dominant values.
First, there are the “I-havers”. These folks base their lives on the idea that if they have certain things, their life is good. In a sense, it doesn’t even matter whether they have something or not. They are basing their sense of well-being on what they have—or would like to have. Years ago, I heard a slogan that might encapsulate this philosophy. “The winner is the one who dies with the most toys.” I fear that this group is the largest group. In fact, we probably all fall into it in one way or another, to one degree or another.
The second group might be called the “I-have-been-given-ers”. They are grateful and aware that they did not get whatever they have all by themselves. Even when they are going through tough times, they try to be thankful for the good times. Their philosophy is expressed in the Bible verse that says, “Give thanks in everything” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
The final group might be labeled the “I-have-to-givers”. I realized only after I thought of this phrase that you can read this label in two different ways. On the one hand, these folks have an inner compulsion to give to others. My wife is like that. She is a servant who never thinks she has done enough.
On the other hand (or also?), the “I-have-to-givers” realize that they have things in order to give. No doubt this helps to fuel their holy compulsion to give. These folks don’t have things in order to heap things up. They have things in order to give things out. Their approach to life might be summed up with the lapidary statement “You only really possess what you give away.”
Now the truth is that we all fall into one of these three groups at times. But the question is this: What is my dominant way of doing life? Perhaps an even better question is this: How will I do life today?
DTEB, “On Being Good to God”
I was journaling this morning. After my gratitude list, I wrote the following:
“I really want to be good to God today. We all want God (or the universe or other people or life) to be good to us. But today I want to be good to God. I’m not sure what that will entail in terms of my being and doings. I just know that I want to be good to you, LORD. Please direct me to the right thoughts, words, and actions to pull this off.”
Now, the problem with speaking to God is that God might get a word or two in edgewise. That is what I think happened this morning. It is difficult not to believe in God when you’ve started the day with a conversation with God. I frequently try to doubt the existence of God, but it is getting harder and harder, and I wonder if it is worth the effort.
Anyway, here is the conversation:
GOD: “Well, my child, I’m glad that you want to be good to me. That is very kind of you! Now, would you like to know how?”
Me: “Yes, indeed I do, LORD! However, remember that I am very much a beginner at this.”
GOD: “I am aware that you are a beginner, child. So, we’ll keep this really simple.
- Treat yourself well. I’m not talking about immediate gratification. That is not treating yourself well. That will destroy you, as you already more than half suspect. But treat yourself truly well. You don’t honor me by unnecessary self-denials. (You can reread Colossians 2:16-23 for further details, if you need them.)
- Treat others well. Be on the lookout for what they need. To the limit of your ability, meet those needs. Be kind. Think the best of people.
- Continue to be grateful to me and to depend on me.”
Me: “That’s it, LORD?! That’s all there is?!”
GOD: “Yep! And that will keep you plenty busy today or any day.”
I hope that you also have a busy and good day, dear reader!
“Being Gratitude”
Here is a prayer that I just prayed by recording it in my journal:
“Today, my God, I am not making a list, but instead I am simply speaking my gratitude to you.
For the coming dawn, I thank you. Thank you for nature in all its convenient and inconvenient manifestations. Thanks for supernature as well. Thank you for all the blessings of life and for the blessing of life, too. Thank you for giving me life and for giving me new life in Christ. Thank you for recovering me from this terrible addiction. Thank you for Sharon and our dog, for children and grandchildren, for extended family, for friends. In short, thanks for everything!
Now, help me to live a life today that reflects my gratitude, a life that is attractive to others, a life that is pleasing to you. Whether that means scholarly work or weeding the flower beds and garden or taking care of my wife who isn’t feeling well, may I enjoy your presence, and may you enjoy my presence.
May I not simply be grateful today, LORD. May I be gratitude.”
I hope that you too, dear reader, will find a way to be grateful today. Even if you’re having a really difficult time, you might find something for which to give thanks if you look hard enough. If nothing else, you can come over to my place and help me weeding the flower beds and garden!
“Not Our Business to Write People Out”
“It is not our business to write people out of our story,” said a friend.
I had just said some kind words about my mother-in-law who died recently. I concluded with, “Even when I came clean about all the wrong I had done, my mother-in-law never wrote me out of the story.” And then my friend came up with this gem of a response: “It is not our business to write people out of our story.”
I believe that this is true. Being written out of someone’s story is very painful, but writing someone else out of our own story is pretty unwise, too.
Don’t get me wrong. There are times when an unrepentant person has done or is doing us great harm. At such times, we may indeed to distance ourselves for our own protection. Such self-protection is wise.
However, writing the person who has hurt us out of our story entirely is not entirely wise. In fact, it may not be possible. The person is part of our story. That profoundly uncomfortable fact can’t be changed.
Let me suggest three positive, healthy ways in which we might think about this matter of refusing to write someone off or out.
First, perhaps we might hold out a hope that the offending person is writing a new script for their life, a script that is better. I am not saying that we should actually believe that they are writing a better story by their thoughts, words, and actions. I am just saying that we should hold on to that hope. That hope may very well also hold us.
Second, perhaps we could write a different part for them in our own story. Maybe we could do a sketch which portrays them not as a villain, but as a very flawed (but potentially decent) person.
Third, those of us who are, or who aspire to be, Christ-followers, need to remember his words about not judging others. Writing people out or off is just another way of speaking of judging them.
One final thought: Maybe I need to choose not to write myself out of the story. And, frankly, I really struggle with that.
My wife and I are estranged from all four of our children. Or, at least, they are estranged from us. The fault is squarely mine. But I refuse to write myself out of the story. That doesn’t mean only that I refuse to take my own life. It means that, but it also means that I stay connected with my children, who are disconnected from me. I don’t contact them, at their request. But they cannot stop me from praying for them, or including them in my daily gratitude lists, or remembering the good times with them. And yes, there were good times, whether they remember them or not.
It is not my business to write myself out of the story either. Neither is it yours.
“The Prayer of a Man Too Busy for Gratitude Lists”
God, is it important for me to actually write down my items of gratitude? Couldn’t I just be grateful? I’m busy! There are so many things I want to do! And some, I really ought to do. I could save time by skipping the list.
But here is the problem as I see it: I think the lists keep me alert during the day for things that invite gratitude. And I definitely need to be aware of the things that make for gratitude. Otherwise, I just become a more selfish, gloomy, despairing person. And I already have way more of those qualities (especially the selfishness) than I need.
So, I guess I know the answer. Don’t like it, but I know it.
GRATITUDE LIST:
- Gratitude lists.
- The ability to do healthy things that I don’t want to do.
- . . .
“Gratitude and an Eye for Detail”
Do you have an eye for detail? I do not. At least, I don’t have such an eye most of the time or in most situations.
My “3-Minute Retreat” from Loyola Publishing challenged me this morning to develop such an eye. (It was a very helpful retreat, which you can access for free at https://www.loyolapress.com/retreats/recibido-con-gratitud-start-retreat/.)
Toward the end of the retreat, the retreat master/writer asked a question: “Is there an aspect of creation that I should look at in more detail today?” It is Thanksgiving Day, so the writer was explicitly connecting looking at things in more detail with giving God thanks.
I had never seen so clearly a connection between gratitude and observing things in detail. And yet, in another sense, that is the way I try to live my life these days. I try to notice those little realities of my daily life and give thanks for them. I don’t always succeed of course, but I do try.
My wife is one of the best people I’ve ever known when it comes to awareness of details. She knows what goes together and what does not. (If I wear clothes that match, you can thank my sweetheart.) Perhaps she was born that way, but I doubt it. She probably had to learn the art of detailed awareness.
While it is rather late in life, perhaps I can learn the art of awareness as well. Today—and every day—I can notice the details of my life and my world. And maybe, just maybe, if I can cultivate such awareness, I can give God a larger fraction of the gratitude that God deserves.
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
- God’s Specific Likes about Us April 25, 2025God pulled off a surprise love attack on me this morning. God lured me into the trap in a quite trivial way. I thought I would start my day, not by grading students’ assignments, but by reading and meditating on some Scripture. By the way, I am not saying that reading Scripture is trivial. The […]
- “Strange and Wonderful Creatures” March 28, 2025I did not sleep enough last night. Five hours of sleep may be enough for some, but not for me. However, when I tried for a while to go back to sleep after waking up at 1:00 a.m., I realized that it was not going to happen. I might as well get up and work […]
- “Even Computers Need a Rest Sometimes!” February 11, 2025Jumpy cursor! I was trying to grade student assignments, and my cursor was jumping around like a Mexican jumping bean. I would start typing something, and then I would be on a different line. Here is the sort of non-sentences I was ending up with: be Please see my respolownse video. Of course, what I […]
- “Lives as Well as Lips” February 5, 2025“Praise the LORD! Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! Who can utter the mighty deeds of the LORD, or declare all his praise? Blessed are they who observe justice, who do righteousness at all times!” (Psalm 106:1-3, English Standard Version) […]
- DTEB, “The Wanna-Wanna Method” January 29, 2025“. . . work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, Phil. 2:13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” (Philippians 2:12b-13, English Standard Version) In a text exchange with a friend, he confessed that he really, really wants to make some bad […]
- “Fun, Cat Videos, and Transformation” December 9, 2024“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17, English Standard Version) One of my twelve-step sponsors suggested that I need more fun in my life. He knows me well, but on this one, I was determined to prove him wrong. […]
- “The Enemy is Perfectionism” December 6, 2024“The good is the enemy of the best.” (A common saying.) “The best is the enemy of doing anything at all that is good.” (My take on the saying and my reality.) Some of you have been wondering why I haven’t been posting any of my musings in the past way-too-long. I am tempted to […]
- DTEB, “Getting Christ and Ourselves Back in Focus” November 11, 2024“Col. 3:1 ¶ If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Col. 3:2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Col. 3:3 For you have died, and your life is hidden […]
- “Search Me!” October 27, 2024“Psa. 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! 24 And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139:23-24, English Standard Version) I am participating in a Bible study, and this is a prayer […]
- “Christian Speech” October 26, 2024“Eph. 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Foulkes, in his excellent commentary on the Book of Ephesians, writes the following, which I quote at some length: “29. Now the […]
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