Posts Tagged: patience

“Character is the Real Lesson”

I am often confused about what lesson I’m really supposed to be learning.

For example, this morning I was trying to knock out several Spanish lessons. My intentions were a lot better than my internet connection. I’ve done three lessons. Or rather, I’ve done two lessons. One of them I did twice because the internet kicked me off after I had finished it, but before I had been given credit for it. I did it again. This time, my internet stayed up long enough to give me credit for it. Then I finished a second lesson, only to be kicked off the net before Duolingo had acknowledged my accomplishment.

Uncharacteristically, I did not get too frustrated. I don’t know how much frustration is the right amount, but I suspect that I got it about right. For me, this is a miracle on the order of the parting of the Red Sea. I am an incredibly easily intimidated and frustrated individual.

What helped me to cross my own personal Red Sea and escape slavery? (And yes, my captivity to frustration and fear really is a form of slavery.) I think that what helped was that I realized what my real lesson was. Actually, there were two real lessons.

The first was that my goal is to learn Spanish, not to get points or get back to the Diamond level, which I briefly inhabited. This is a very important lesson that I am having to relearn every day. Spanish is not about points or rankings. Neither is life.

The second—and even more important—lesson is this: God is not simply interested in my learning of another language. God is interested in me learning to let my character be transformed. I am not a patient person. My piddling internet issues are helping me to learn patience.

In a sense, patience is the opposite of frustration. In a deeper sense, every frustration is an invitation to training for patience. Ultimately, character and its development comprise the real lesson.

“Reflections on Being Married Fifty Years”

Today my wife and I have been married for fifty years. What on earth has kept us together?!?

Nothing. At least, nothing on earth has kept us together. But there is Heaven and Heaven’s God. Here’s the deal. My wife has been able to be patient with and forgiving of my very real and very serious character defects. I am trying hard to refrain from giving her any further reasons to forgive, but trying hard doesn’t mean that I always get it right. She has been able to be patient and forgiving because she knows a heavenly Father who is patient and forgiving. Easy, no. Possible, yes.

Also, she has had this intuition since we were dating that there is more goodness in me than I sometimes manifest. I’ve begun to suspect that she might be right. There is a verse in the Bible that says that God calls things that don’t exist as if they did—and actually brings those things into existence (Romans 4:17). While the verse originally had Abraham in mind, it seems to me to be capable of broader application. Just as in creation God called order out of chaos and something out of nothing, so God calls things that don’t exist into existence. And often, God uses human beings to do this miraculous thing. For me, Sharon was a miracle and a miracle worker.

Now, have I contributed to the longevity of our marriage as well? I certainly hope so. I can think of at least one thing that I’ve done and continue to do for her. I appreciate her, deeply, genuinely, continually. Hopefully I’ve done more than that. However, even if it were just that, such appreciation would be valuable, I hope. And I think that God is the one who helps me to be thankful for many things and people, but especially the miracle that is Sharon.

So, there it is, my brief principles for a good, long-lasting marriage—patience, forgiveness, seeing goodness in the other person, even when it is difficult, gratitude. It is not a magic formula. It’s way better than magic. It’s a prescription for a miracle.

I love you, sweetheart.

“Pickleball Lesson and Lessons from Pickleball”

We have friends back home who are really into Pickleball. My wife and I now see why. It is great fun and highly addictive!

At the RV resort where we are staying, they have a lot of activities. My wife, who is much more adventurous than I am, signed us up for a Pickleball class. We went, we saw, we were conquered.

The folks who were conducting the class were knowledgeable, patient, funny, and kind. We liked them immediately. It turns out that several of them had been teachers. They still are—and good ones at that.

One of them told us about the three “P’s of Pickleball: Placement, Patience, and Power.” I can’t remember if patience or placement comes first, but I’m certain that power came last.

Of course, I immediately thought to myself, “Well, there’s tomorrow’s blog post!” No matter what I read, here, or experience, my mind goes to life and spirituality.

Where you “place” yourself on the court and where you place your shot is important. It is the same with life. When I get up in the morning, where and how I place myself is crucial to how my day will go. I place myself in the mindset that it is going to be a great day. I place myself in a state of gratitude by making a list of things for which I am grateful. I do my 12-step report to my sponsors, text with another 12-step friend, and do some 12-step readings. I read Scripture and pray. (I also have coffee, which helps with all of the above.)

Patience is crucial to pickleball and life. I am not good at patience. This is, at least in part, a result of the fact that I’ve practiced so little. I’m not very patient with other people and I’m not patient at all with myself. (Hummm . . . I wonder if my impatience with other people is one of the bitter fruits of my self-impatience?) I expect myself to do things that I simply can’t do—go back and change mistakes I made in the past, be really good at things (like Pickleball) right away, and generally be better than I am right now.

Of course, both patience and  impatience are the fruit of frustration. And who wants to be frustrated? In fact, it goes even beyond frustration. The Apostle Paul said that “tribulation brings about patient” (Romans 5:3). And who wants that! Someone said years ago, “I prayed for patience and God sent tribulation.” Yep! I am afraid that’s the way it works!

And then there is power. Most of us don’t have enough. At least we don’t think that we have enough power. I was never powerful, even when I was young. Growing up on the farm, I always threw the bales of hay up on the wagon or into the barn more by adrenaline than by strength. I will soon be seventy, and I can testify that my power is not getting more powerful.

However, power is the third and least important of the three “P’s” in pickleball. And I do have some power. So do you. So do we all. Am I, are you, properly using the power we’re given? My 12-step sponsor never tires of reminding me to “just keep doing the next right thing.” I never get tired of hearing it, either. It’s a good reminder and very necessary. Doing the next right thing is the best way to use power.

And, of course, there is God. Where does he come into all this? Let me suggest that God is the Greatest Pickleball Player ever. He is God with us. In fact, this is an important fourth “P”. God is present with us. That is God’s placement. This God who is present is very patient with us, not destroying us for our many stupidities and wrong-doings. And God is present and incredibly powerful. And he waits to empower each of us.

“Patience, the Gift You Give to Yourself”

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

In your patience possess ye your souls.” (Luke 21:19, King James Version, italics mine)

By your endurance you will gain your lives.” (Luke 21:19, New American Standard, 1995, italics mine)

It was a fairly rough evening at Bob Evans last night.  It started out dead as a mortician’s embalming room.  However, we got several large parties at about the same time.  One lady (party of two?), wouldn’t even be seated after complaining about the slow service.  (Confession: I hope that she had to wait even longer at another restaurant!  I’m not proud of that thought, but there it is.)

It is difficult for me not to let the impatience of others flood my own heart, and mind, and soul.  I need to be a less permeable dam.  However, if I let an impatient person make me an impatient person, all you’ve got are two impatient people.  And such impatience can and does spread faster than the flu.  Soon, there will likely be a lot of impatient people.  Probably, impatience is even deadlier than the flu.

Another way to look at this is to say that I need to avoid theft.  Other people’s stuff is other people’s stuff.  I wouldn’t think of stealing other people’s money or electronic devices.  Why should I steal other people’s emotions?  Why should I steal someone else’s impatience?  I’ve never tried to fence anything stolen, but I suspect that I would not get much for my own impatience, much less for someone else’s.  I wouldn’t even know who was the unscrupulous pawn broker who would deal in stolen emotions.

Patience is not simply a virtue.  Patience is a wonderful gift I give myself.

PATIENCE!

Lord, give me patience—right now!

Well, praying to God might help us to develop patience, but demanding it “right now” is probably not the best way to go.  After all, developing patience requires patience.

My sweetheart gave me a wonderful complement at Applebee’s over lunch.  We were celebrating getting our taxes done, and she said, “You are much more patient than you used to be.”

Getting a kind, encouraging word from anyone feels good.  Getting a kind, encouraging word from someone you love is off-the-charts good.

However, I will confess that, for me at least, even a little improvement in patience was a long stride toward becoming a better person.  I used to be one of the most impatient people I knew.  I was impatient with my wife and our children.  I was impatient on the road, at restaurants, in my professional life.  I was even impatient with God.

Mostly, I was impatient with me.

So, how have I become a more patient person?  I can answer that question with great confidence: I DON’T KNOW!  However, I might have some suspicions.

Time may have helped a bit.  However, I know plenty of old poops who are very impatient, so I’m not sure that merely living sixty-six years produces patience.  Still, patience is partly a function of living long enough to outlive your enemies—including your impatience.

Other people have modeled patience for me.  My mom, my father-in-law, friends—and above all my wife—have been incredibly patient with me.  They not only showed me that patience could be done.  They showed me how.

Then too, I became impatient with my impatience.  At least, I became impatient with the results of my impatience.  I finally discovered what should have been obvious all along: Impatience proves nothing, and improves even less.  When I finally got tired of being impatient, I began to get off of “my long-legged horse,” as my oldest son once said.  It is wonderful to get out of the saddle when you’ve been riding the impatience nag for so long.

Perhaps that prayer at the beginning of this post wasn’t too far off.  Perhaps we just need to delete a few words, and add a few other words.

“Lord, give me patience—in your own good time.”

“PUNCTUALITY, PATIENCE, AND PRACTICE”

KJV  James 1:4:   But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

Sometimes I get exercise, even in areas that don’t relate to any part of my physical anatomy.

Take today at Planet Fitness as an example.

My wife and I went there to work out.  Silver Sneakers is a wonderful program, in large part because it is free.

I had told my sweetheart that I was going to do a longer workout today, and perhaps she should take her Kindle or a book.  “Are you going to go anywhere?” I asked.  “No,” she replied.

However, as she finished her own workout, she asked if it would be okay for her to run over to Wal-Mart.  “Sure,” I said.  However, she decided to go to Kroger’s to pick up some groceries as well.  So, I waited.

And waited . . .,

And WAITED!

Okay, so I didn’t really wait that long.  Perhaps it was half-an-hour.  However, since waiting time often seems longer than real time, it probably wasn’t even that long.

But here is the amazing thing: I really didn’t get terribly upset.

That might not be amazing for a normal human being, but I am not usually a normal human being.  I can’t tell you the number of times (but it was a lot) that I have gotten furious about these kinds of things in the past.  I said harsh, hurtful things that I later regretted.  I’ve wasted hours pouting, making both my sweetheart and me unhappy.  When the kids were little, they also had to witness my multiple temper tantrums.  What an absolute jackass I was!

So, while I was glad for my response this time, this little incident helped me to acknowledge how wrong I had been in the past.  I asked my sweetheart’s forgiveness, and she graciously gave it.

Another thing: As I reflected on this little non-drama, I realized that I was actually continuing my exercise program.  I was exercising patience as I waited for my wife to pick me up.  Virtues are gifts from God.  They are, however, gifts which need to be unwrapped and exercised for them to be able to grow and do their job.

The real issue wasn’t punctuality at all.  The real issue was patience.  Today, I bench-pressed a few pounds, but it’s a beginning.  Tomorrow, perhaps I’ll be able to bench a bit more.  Opportunities for patience abound.  I just have to make good use of them.

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