“Are you Sensitive? Or are you Sensitive?”
English is a contradictory language. You’ve no doubt heard the following questions:
- Why does “down the creek without a paddle” and “up the creek without a paddle” mean the same thing? Or do they?
- Why do we drive on a parkway, and park in a driveway?
- Why do we tell our children to “just be quiet,” and then ask them to explain why on earth they did what they did?
- Why do we say “not to mention,” and then mention it?
- Why do we introduce a man/woman as one who “needs no introduction,” and then spend five minutes introducing them.
Earlier today, a good friend gave me another one. And this one isn’t just strange; it’s plum weird.
Why does being “sensitive” mean two things that are almost opposites? A person can be “sensitive” in the sense that they get their feelings hurt about everything and by everyone. On the other hand, a person can be “sensitive” to the feelings and needs of others.
These strike me as being somewhat related. I can see why these two realities are signified by one word. However, I’ve also noticed this: People who are very sensitive to their own feelings and needs are often very insensitive to the feelings and needs of others.
I used to be that kind of person. I could perceive incoming nuclear missiles where there was absolutely nothing—not even a swarm of gnats. I was a master of the not-so-fine art of getting my feelings hurt. On the other hand, I could drive a Mack Truck over other people, and then blame them for not getting out my way. I am less like that person now, though I still have my moments.
So, I have formulated the DTEB Sensitivity Formula: S0 ∝ SS. Sensitivity to Others (SO) is inversely proportional to Sensitivity to Self (SS).
Practically speaking, I need to ask myself a tough question, whenever I am being very sensitive about my own feelings and needs. Here is the question: What can I do to be sensitive to the feelings and needs of someone else right now?
I am not counseling denying what we feel, nor am I saying that it is wrong to have needs. What I am saying is this: I need to continually monitor my thoughts, feelings, words, and deeds by asking the question, “Am I being sensitive right now, or am I being sensitive right now?”
More than the strangeness of language is in play here. Whole mindsets and destinies hang in the balance with how we answer this question.
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