Posts Tagged: dreams

“Of Anger, Being Late, Dreams, and Faith”

On July 19, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I had a dream in which I was very angry.  This guy whom I thought my wife and I were helping out (for free, no less) yelled at us—after we had helped him—for not being on time.  We were supposed to be there at 4:30, and we had shown up at 3:08.  When I asked the man about those times, he repeated those times, and then I repeated those times, but he still didn’t realize how irrational and unfair his fear was.  I was furious.

Waking up furious is not a good thing.

However, I have a lovely painted rock on my desk that says, “Just Breathe.”  Right.

A friend of mine who is a psychologist said to me one time that some psychologists think that all of the characters in a dream are different parts of ourselves.  Certainly, I have an angry, irrational self.  In fact, I am often angry with myself for being such an angry self!  And I most certainly struggle with being on time.

So, after my unsettling dream, I get out of bed, go to the bathroom, put on the coffee, and make my bed.  I open my You Version app on my phone.  The verse for today is Proverbs 1:7: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”  I could definitely use some wisdom (and instruction) when it comes to managing my anger and being on time.

My 3-minute retreat from the Jesuits had a meditation that was based on Romans 5:1: “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.”  I looked at this verse in the Greek.  The verb “we have” is a present tense, which suggests an ongoing reality.  We continually have peace through our faith in Jesus Christ.

So, why don’t I have continual peace, even when I’m asleep?  It is probably because I don’t really believe, deeply enough, that Jesus has got this, whatever “this” may be.

Of course, I take some consolation from the fact that Paul writes Romans 5:1 to people who are already believers.  Why did he need to do that?  Likely because they were so prone to forget it!  And so am I.

So, I enter my sixth day in a row with a conscious sense that God and I will go through this day together.  However, I also enter the day with the awareness that I am prone to be angry and late.

In a little while, I will be playing softball in the senior league that I’m in.  Getting angry is definitely possible.  We may be a bunch of old guys, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t get as angry with ourselves or others as a bunch of twelve-year-olds.

But I’ve been forewarned.

I think this journal entry has become today’s blog post, so I need to take care of posting it.  Otherwise, I might be late for my pre-game warm-up routine!  And that would make me angry!

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“CULTIVATING MY INNER OBSERVER”

On November 13, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. (Romans 8:16 NLT)”

“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.” (Ephesians 3:16 NTL)

At our twelve-step meeting the other day, we read a brief section from a recovery book that dealt with creating an “inner observer” that is “discerning, honest, and wise.”

I was somewhat familiar with this concept.  Some of my familiarity came from reading good books and listening to wise people.  However, another source of my familiarity came from a dream that I had.

Sometimes, I have very vivid dreams.  At the end of one of these vivid dreams, just before I awoke, I noticed that there was someone standing in the shadows observing everything that was going on.  I walked up to him, unable to see his face, and asked, “Who are you?”

He replied, “Who is it who asks?”

And with that, I awoke.  I cannot remember the dream at all, but I have been haunted ever since by this mystery man’s question.

I have encountered the idea of a neutral “inner observer” before.  In fact, I may have encountered this idea before my dream.  That prior encounter may have provided the raw material for that aspect of my dream.  That would go far toward explaining the question and the questioner.  However, explaining something and understanding something are not the same thing.

My current (and very preliminary) way of understanding my inner observer may be described as follows.

I have several voices in my head.  (I realize that talking about “hearing voices” may raise serious issues about my mental health.  However, I suspect that it is a well-nigh universal phenomenon among humans.)

One voice I call “The Judge.”  He criticizes everything I do.  Even when I do well, it is never enough.

Another voice is “The Justifier.”  He excuses everything I do.  There are always extenuating circumstances in the mind of the justifier.

Then there is my “Inner Observer.”  He is the one without a face, the one who tends to answer a question with a question.  He is easily ignored.  His voice is hard to hear in the midst of the noise I create.  He usually tells me the truth, but I don’t always (often?) like the truth.

When I do listen to him, my life goes better.  I practiced listening to him on Saturday, and at the end of the day, my wife said, out of the clear blue sky, “I like the way you’ve treated me today.”

This inner voice’s strength and clarity can be nourished from outside by God, by meditation, by good reading, by wise counsel from others.  But I have to choose to slow down and listen.

And then there is the little matter of doing what The Voice says!

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