Monthly Archives: July 2018
“GOOD ENOUGH, SMART ENOUGH, AND LIKABLE ENOUGH”
“You are good enough, you are smart enough, and doggonit, people like you.” (Stuart Smalley)
The preceding affirmation is provided by my 12-step sponsor. He encouraged me, several years ago, to begin daily affirmations as well as reports. It is a wonderful discipline! I tend to be a positive person . . . except about myself. My pretty-much daily affirmations help me to set a good tone for my day, even (especially?) toward my own self.
I have struggled, since I was little, with believing—or rather, not believing—that I am good enough, smart enough, or likable enough.
The question, of course, is this: What does the word “enough” mean?
Now, I know what the dictionary meaning is for the word, but what about my own, personal dictionary? What does “enough” mean to me?
A good friend of mine pointed out to me years ago that I don’t want to be a good man. I want to be perfect. I initially disagreed with him, but have finally come around to his way of thinking. To be “good enough” means being perfect. Of course, I’m not perfect, and therefore, I am not good enough!
What utter nonsense! But there it is.
And knowing enough? Same thing. “Knowing enough” means knowing everything. Since I don’t know everything, I obviously don’t know enough.
And about people liking me? Of course many do, and some don’t. But if only enough people liked me, then I would be likable enough. And, of course, “enough people” means everyone.
So, I often tend to drag around, with a low-grade contempt for myself.
However, the Bible—both the Old and the New Testaments—often remind me that life isn’t about what I am, or what or who I think I am. Rather, life is about who God is. God is enough, and therefore, I am enough.
Tomorrow’s affirmation, which I plan to keep in focus even today, is this: By God’s grace, I am good enough, I am smart enough, and doggonit, people like me.
“GOD’S EVER-LOVING PRESENCE”
“Before you begin, pause for a moment. Take several slow, deep breaths and allow yourself to grow still. Be aware of God’s loving presence within you.” (“3-Minute Retreat,” for July 18, 2018, published by Loyola Press)
The quote that begins this post is a fairly common type of intro for these 3-Minute retreats—which I heartily recommend. They are good, quick, and free.
But the fact is that none of us hears anything until our heart and mind are prepared to hear them. For some reason, the phrase “God’s loving presence” caught my attention today.
Here is the problem, at least, as I see it: I have often believed (often only at a theoretical level) that God is present as the all-powerful, all-knowing Judge. But as a loving presence—not so much!
What difference does it make to me if I think of God as an ever-present loving presence?
I can’t get my mind around God, but I can think analogically. And the best analogy at this point is my relationship with my wife. I am, generally, a better man when my wife is around, period. I know that she loves me and that I love her. I am much less likely to say something stupid and mean-spirited when she is around. I am much less likely to fly into road rage. I am much less likely to notice (for too long) other lovely ladies. (And they are all lovely, aren’t they?)
Now, in the deepest possible sense, my wife is always with me. We are so in love that we have, quite profoundly, become one. So, in reality, I need to always watch my mouth, my anger, my eyes, since my wife is ever in my heart and on my mind.
But if God is The Loving Presence in my life, I need always to recognize that every situation, every decision, every interaction with others, is surrounded and filled and supercharged with the love of God.
How would that change every situation, every decision, every interaction? How wouldn’t it?!
Dear readers, I hope you go through this day with a profound and abiding sense of God’s loving presence! I hope that I do as well!
“Of Anger, Being Late, Dreams, and Faith”
I had a dream in which I was very angry. This guy whom I thought my wife and I were helping out (for free, no less) yelled at us—after we had helped him—for not being on time. We were supposed to be there at 4:30, and we had shown up at 3:08. When I asked the man about those times, he repeated those times, and then I repeated those times, but he still didn’t realize how irrational and unfair his fear was. I was furious.
Waking up furious is not a good thing.
However, I have a lovely painted rock on my desk that says, “Just Breathe.” Right.
A friend of mine who is a psychologist said to me one time that some psychologists think that all of the characters in a dream are different parts of ourselves. Certainly, I have an angry, irrational self. In fact, I am often angry with myself for being such an angry self! And I most certainly struggle with being on time.
So, after my unsettling dream, I get out of bed, go to the bathroom, put on the coffee, and make my bed. I open my You Version app on my phone. The verse for today is Proverbs 1:7: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” I could definitely use some wisdom (and instruction) when it comes to managing my anger and being on time.
My 3-minute retreat from the Jesuits had a meditation that was based on Romans 5:1: “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” I looked at this verse in the Greek. The verb “we have” is a present tense, which suggests an ongoing reality. We continually have peace through our faith in Jesus Christ.
So, why don’t I have continual peace, even when I’m asleep? It is probably because I don’t really believe, deeply enough, that Jesus has got this, whatever “this” may be.
Of course, I take some consolation from the fact that Paul writes Romans 5:1 to people who are already believers. Why did he need to do that? Likely because they were so prone to forget it! And so am I.
So, I enter my sixth day in a row with a conscious sense that God and I will go through this day together. However, I also enter the day with the awareness that I am prone to be angry and late.
In a little while, I will be playing softball in the senior league that I’m in. Getting angry is definitely possible. We may be a bunch of old guys, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t get as angry with ourselves or others as a bunch of twelve-year-olds.
But I’ve been forewarned.
I think this journal entry has become today’s blog post, so I need to take care of posting it. Otherwise, I might be late for my pre-game warm-up routine! And that would make me angry!
“AN UNHANDLED EXCEPTION”
“We’re sorry! We have encountered an unhandled exception.”
Have you ever had this message (or something similar) pop up on your computer? I have. I’m not sure precisely what it means, but I do know that it indicates that something has gone wrong.
I was listening yesterday to a song by Ryan Stevenson, called “No Matter What”. Here are the lyrics.
“A lot of us grew up believing
At any moment we could lose it all
And at the drop of a hat
God might turn His back and move on
A lot of us feel like we blew it
Thinking that we’re just too far gone
But I want you to know
There’s still a hope for you now
[Chorus 1]
No matter what you’ve done
You can’t erase His love
Nothing can change it
You’re not separated
No matter what
[Verse 2]
There’s never been a better time to get honest
There’s never been a better time to get clean
So come as you are
Run to the cross and be free
Oh, be free
[Chorus 2]
No matter what you’ve done
You can’t erase His love
Nothing can change it
You’re not separated
No matter where you run
He’s always holding on
You’re still a daughter, You’re still a son
No matter what
[Bridge]
Don’t know what you’ve been taught
Don’t know what you’ve been told
All I know is my God
Will never let go of you, no-o-o-ooo
And I don’t know what you’ve seen
Don’t know what you’ve been through
All I know is my God
Will never let go of you
He’ll never let go!
He’ll never, never, never let you go
[Chorus 2]
No matter what you’ve done
You can’t erase His love
Nothing can change it
You’re not separated
No matter where you run
He’s always holding on
You’re still a daughter, You’re still a son
No matter what
[Outro]
You’re still a daughter, You’re still a son!…
No matter what.”
After hearing this song, it suddenly occurred to me that I had believed this for a long time—with one “unhandled exception.” I didn’t believe it for my own self. I was the unhandled exception.
Why should I believe that I am so exceptional? I don’t know. I really don’t. Yes, I am unique; and so are you. But exceptional? Not so much!
The Apostle Paul, before he was the Apostle Paul, was known as Saul. He persecuted the church, casting his vote for death against anyone who named the name of Christ. In fact, he was on his way to Damascus to arrest Christ-followers there. On the way to Damascus, a very crazy-way-more-than-awkward thing happened: He was confronted in a vision with the risen Christ. “Saul, Saul!” cried a voice from Heaven. “Why are you persecuting me?” The “me” turned out to be Jesus Christ. It was “a blinding revelation” in every sense of that expression.
Saul/Paul never got over what a screw-up he was. Near the end of his life, Paul wrote these words:
“15 This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: ‘Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners’– and I am the worst of them all.”
Paul knew that he was exceptional—exceptionally evil! Interestingly, even though he is now a Christ-follower, an evangelist, a church planter, he still says that he “is” the worst of sinners. It is in the present tense in Greek. He is still very much aware of his exceptional condition as a sinner. A saved sinner? Yes! But still a sinner, and the worst of the lot.
But then, Paul goes on to say,
“16 But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.”
Paul thought of himself as an exceptionally difficult case. However, Paul also thought of himself as an exceptionally wonderful example of God’s mercy. Paul is saying here, “If God can have mercy on me and save me, he can save anybody! There are no unhandled exceptions!”
And so, Paul ends with praise:
17 “All honor and glory to God forever and ever! He is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; he alone is God. Amen.”
Here is the heart of the matter: I am exceptionally evil, and probably, so are you! However, there is an exceptional God with an exceptional Son, and there are no unhandled exceptions for them.
“Traveler in the Dark”
The following is from Wordsmith.org.
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
“Writing is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as the headlights, but you make the whole trip that way.” -Cory Doctorow, author and journalist (b. 17 Jul 1971).
“Too often, I just want to sit in the car, and pretend I’m going somewhere. You don’t even have to turn on the headlights or start the engine, if you do that!” (DTEB)
I think that what Doctorow’s vivid comment means is that writers don’t see very far ahead. They travel in the dark, the length of their headlights, until they reach their destination.
This is one of my problems as a writer. I want to know how the story ends before I begin. And when I don’t know, I just sit in the car, and make engine noises.
It is not just in writing that I do this. I have a tendency to do it in every area of my life. I nearly let my sweetheart get away without marrying her. Why? I didn’t know how the story would end. (After nearly forty-five years, it hasn’t ended, but I like the way the story is unfolding a lot!) It may be safer to sit in the car and pretend to be going somewhere, but it is lonely. Ultimately, it isn’t much fun, either.
I nearly stayed in a horrible, debilitating addiction. Why? I didn’t know how the story would end. I was afraid to divulge all my secrets, afraid that exposure of these secrets really would be the end of my story. It turned out to be the beginning of a whole new story, which I like so much better than the old one.
I nearly failed to get my Ph.D. Why? I didn’t know how the story would end. I preferred just sitting in the car, pretending that I could have gotten my Ph.D. What a frustratingly wonderful trip I would have missed if I had not decided to turn on the engine and lights, and put the car in gear!
On and on it goes.
We are not all of us writers, but we all are writing our life stories. We do it with our thoughts, our attitudes, our words. Above all, we do with our actions.
We were not made to sit in the car, and say, “Varummm! Varummm!” The darkness is real, and the road is difficult. But we do have headlights.
And, as Dan Fogelberg said in his song “Nexus,”
“Blessed the traveler
Who journeys the length of the light.”
“LIVE LONG AND PROSPER”
My father-in-law was very fond of the Star Trek T.V. shows—with the exception of those shows that featured the character “Q”. (I suspect that Dad thought that Q was both too much and too little like God, although I don’t think I ever asked him why he felt the way he did. I wish that I had now.)
One of the most famous repeated lines in Star Trek is “Live long and prosper.” I’m not a trekkie, but even I know this line.
But from where does this greeting come?
Those words likely came from Deuteronomy 5:33. The whole of vs. 33, along with the preceding verse, is as follows:
“32 So Moses told the people, ‘You must be careful to obey all the commands of the LORD your God, following his instructions in every detail.
33 Stay on the path that the LORD your God has commanded you to follow. Then you will live long and prosperous lives in the land you are about to enter and occupy.’ ” (New Living Translation)
“Live long and prosper!” is a good wish, but perhaps the obedience part matters as well. I have a tendency to want to live long and prosper, but not necessarily to obey. (You probably don’t struggle with that, but I most certainly do!)
Why is it so difficult to obey? I’m afraid that I know, and sometimes, wish I didn’t know.
I don’t obey because I want to have my own way. No, I know that, in the long run, God’s way is best. But I don’t want the long run; I want what I want right now!
I knew a lady who described herself as “Little-Miss-Gotta-Have-It-Right-Now.” Change the Miss to Mister in my case, and you can’t miss!
However, it isn’t just the immediate gratification thing. It also this: My way is my way, and that’s what I want. I struggle with a spirit of rebellion, which I try to baptize and rename “a spirit of independence.” However, you can baptize a rat, but it’s still a rat.
But I do have my better moments, moments when I realize that obedience is in my own best interest. There are moments—and I am having more of them, thanks to the 12-step recovery program and thanks to 12-step friends—when I obey God with a good and glad heart.
There are times when I can say, with the psalmist, “I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart” (Psalm 40:8).
May those times increase for you and me and all of us! Then we can, with complete confidence, pronounce the blessing on one another, “Live long and PROSPER!“
“The Courage to Face Our Strengths”
Many of us have a hard time facing our weaknesses and failures. I do too. Some of us have an even harder time facing our strengths. Here is a blog that may help you to face up to your strengths. It most certainly helped me!
This post is a very slightly edited e mail exchange that helped to kick-start my day. G. is a friend from my 12-step group, and is one of the most interesting, sharp, and encouraging people I know.
I have edited the exchange in order to respect the anonymity of both G. and me. I am the “D.” in the exchange. His e mail to me comes first. My reply to G. follows.
“Dear D.
I spent half of this last year faking it, hoping to make it. I prayed, I surrendered to God, I listened for God. It took that time just to start hearing something from Him. Eventually I realized He was talking to me all along. I just didn’t see how.
One of the ways I figured it out was watching and listening to you. You understand God as well as any person I know. Your ability to tell us things that God is saying is amazing.
Now you say that you are not good at talking with God. That doesn’t exactly make a novice like me see any hope. You just don’t see it.
I watch you talk about your wife, and I see God speaking in both of you. I watch that because watching you as you think about her tells me all I need to know. I listen and watch you talk about bible verses and I see a man who is connecting to God and the prophets.
So once again you are reducing the positive effects of you thoughts by diminishing yourself. As Bob Newhart said: “STOP IT”. Look it up if you don’t know.
You are a better man than that. The only problem is, I don’t know if you’ll ever see how much God loves you until you let Him tell you and you believe it. We may be a bunch of addicts, but everyone in SLAA (except for a couple) Knows you’re a good person, a smart person, a loving person, in touch with God, and a great friend.
So right now, stand up, look to heaven, and say to God: You made me a good person, I know I’m a good person, and I’m going to show myself I am and listen to You whenever You tell me something.) Then relax and clear your mind. That warm fuzzy feeling is God talking to you. Even I know that.
If you show this to your wife (that’s fine), now is when she can kick your butt for me. You said to call you out. I hope you weren’t kidding.
Your Friend
G.
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“Spending the Day With God”
I make gratitude lists most days, usually in the early morning. I often give thanks for the same things and people. But today, I included something I had never listed before, as far as I know. It was this: “I am grateful for getting to spend the day with God.”
I thought to myself, what would that look like? Then, I thought, maybe it would be like spending the day with my sweetheart, my wife. We would enjoy whatever we were doing together.
So, I made up my mind that I was going to be on the lookout for things for God and me to enjoy. On my way to meet my friend who carts me to my twelve-step meetings, I stopped by the park to hit some softballs off the tee. The sun wasn’t up yet. There were a few purple, pink, and grey clouds in the sky, and the field was draped in a lovely grey fog. “Well done!” I said to God. I even hit the softballs pretty well. (Whether this transfers to my actual hitting in a game remains to be seen.)
Then I changed socks and shoes, and headed to Planet Fitness to meet my friend to go to the twelve-step meetings. I was a bit early and he was a bit late. In fact, we were both right on time.
I went to the necessary room at P.F., and then walked outside to wait for my ride. He wasn’t there yet, so I decided to walk around in the parking lot, looking for change. God and I didn’t find any change, but we did find a wonderful treasure—an important conversation and a wonderful story.
“Did you lose something?” asked a lady who was sitting in her vehicle.
“No,” I replied. “I’m just looking for change. I’m afraid that I am a terrible cheapskate.”
“Oh, I look for change too!” she continued. “In fact, I’m a Christian . . .” she began.
“Me too!” I exclaimed, interrupting her.
“I don’t think this a chance meeting,” she said. “Well, as I was saying, I’m a Christian, and one time I was praying to God about some bills that I simply couldn’t pay. Right after I prayed, I walked out to get in my car to go somewhere, and noticed a fast food bag that had been thrown out in my neighbor’s yard. I felt prompted to go over and pick it up to throw it away. But then, I felt prompted to look inside. I didn’t want to do that. I mean, who wants to see someone’s else’s yucky remnants of food? When I looked in the bag, there was a big wad of money, enough to pay my bills.”
Our conversation swirled on to other things, and then she admitted, rather sadly, “I’m afraid that I’m not as close to God as I used to be. And I want to get back close to Him again.”
I ventured, “Well, do you go to church anywhere regularly?”
“No, I don’t,” she replied.
“There are a lot of good ones around,” I said. “Crossroads meets right in this area. I go to the Crossing, and it is a really good church. It bills itself as “a messed up church, for messed up people, with a messed up ministry staff, that exists to introduce people to the One who can clean up their messes.”
“It sounds like my kind of church!” she exclaimed.
I left her with a prayer.
Spending the day with God sure is fun! Maybe it is even more than spending the day with God. Perhaps it is an investment. And even more than fun, it brings joy.
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
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