Posts Tagged: 12-step friends

“Reflecting my Heavenly Father on a Down Day”

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.” (Matthew 5:14, English Standard Version)

Today, as God helps me, I am a living reflection of my Heavenly Father.” (My twelve-step affirmation this morning)

But I don’t feel much like the light of the world or a living reflection of God this morning.  There are reasons.

  • My wife left and will be gone for a day-and-a-half.
  • It is cool and rainy.
  • The daylight hours are short.
  • My favorite brother-in-law has covid-19.
  • My hands hurt it (arthritis?) so badly that I can hardly type or hold my coffee cup.
  • I am worried about the upcoming election and its aftermath.
  • Today is the first anniversary of the closing of CCU, where I taught for eleven years.
  • I am trying to change my relationship with food.  (That is a very positive thing, but difficult, nonetheless.)

But I refuse to do anything to make a difficult day worse.  I refuse to think harmful thoughts toward myself or anyone else.  I refuse to eat a bunch of junk food.  That would make me feel a little better for a little while, but it would also cause me to feel a lot worse in a little while.

Instead, I do positive things, no matter how I feel.

  • I take and make 12-step calls and text friends.
  • I make myself a cup of vanilla caramel tea and drink it out of a butterfly meadow cup.
  • I read some good Scriptures (no Ecclesiastes today, thank you very much!) and other good readings as well.
  • I take good care of our little dog, who is a wonderful companion.
  • I send a text to my wife about what I’m feeling. (She texts right back with the most encouraging text I’ve ever received from anyone.)
  • I listen to a TobyMac c.d.
  • I turn on virtually every light we have on the lower level of our Cape Cod.
  • I write this blog post and publish it.

I will reflect God’s love and grace no matter how I feel on this or any other day.

“ENVY: THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER”

17          Let not your heart envy sinners,

                        but continue in the fear of the LORD all the day.

18          Surely there is a future,

                        and your hope will not be cut off. (Proverbs 23:17-18, English Standard Version)


“Minerva leaves at once for Envy’s home,                                                            
a filthy, black, corrupted place. The house,                                          
crouched in the lowest fissures of a cave,
with no sunlight, closed off from every wind,                                        1140
is depressing and filled with numbing cold,
always lacking fire, always in the dark.
When the fearful warrior goddess gets there,
she stops before the house (for she believes
it is not right to go beneath its roof)
and hammers on the doorpost with her spear.
The doors shake and then fly open. She sees
Envy inside the house eating the flesh
of vipers, which nurtures her corruption.
Minerva looks and turns her eyes away.                                              1150          [770]
But Envy gets up slowly from the ground,
leaving the bodies of half-eaten snakes,
shuffles forward, and peers out at the goddess,
at her lovely shape and splendid weapons.
Her face distorts. Then she groans and gives off
the heaviest sigh. There is a pallor
smeared across her face, her entire body
is gaunt, her eyesight squints at everything,
her teeth are mouldy with decay, her heart
is green with bile, and her tongue drips poison.                                    1160
She never laughs, except when she responds
to the sight of grieving, and never sleeps,
for gnawing cares keep her awake. She hates
to witness men’s success—the sight of it                                                             [780]
makes her waste away. She torments others
and, in that very moment, is tormented
and punishes herself.” (Ovid, Metamorphoses, Book II)

One of the simplest rules for interpreting the Bible is this: If the Bible says, “Don’t!” it is because someone was.  Since the Bible says, “Don’t envy,” guess what?  Somebody was.  Envy is an ancient reality.  It is also a modern one.

Derek Kidner says some wise words concerning envy and its antidote: “24:1, 19 and Psalm 37:1, 8, etc., expose the simultaneous admiration and resentment which make up envy, springing from an undue preoccupation with oneself and with the present. The remedy is to look up (17b) and look ahead (18) (see also on 24:1).”[1]

Hummmmm—”. . . an undue preoccupation with oneself and with the present.”  Yes, I would say that pretty well sums it up.

One of the antidotes for envy is a proper respect for God.  Conversely, any time that I envy, I am not respecting God as I should.

One of my twelve-step friends says that he is “. . . working on the very basic idea that [he] is enough and has enough.”  It seems to me that envy is a massive failure to recognize that because God is enough, I am enough.

I think I’ll choose to reverence God today.  No envy allowed in this space that is called “me!”


[1]Derek Kidner, Proverbs: An Introduction and Commentary, TOTC 17; IVP/Accordance electronic ed. (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1964), 144.  https://accordance.bible/link/read/Tyndale_Commentary#26650.

“The Courage to Face Our Strengths”

Many of us have a hard time facing our weaknesses and failures.  I do too.  Some of us have an even harder time facing our strengths.  Here is a blog that may help you to face up to your strengths.  It most certainly helped me!

This post is a very slightly edited e mail exchange that helped to kick-start my day.  G. is a friend from my 12-step group, and is one of the most interesting, sharp, and encouraging people I know.

I have edited the exchange in order to respect the anonymity of both G. and me.  I am the “D.” in the exchange.  His e mail to me comes first.  My reply to G. follows.

“Dear D.

I spent half of this last year faking it, hoping to make it.  I prayed, I surrendered to God, I listened for God.  It took that time just to start hearing something from Him.  Eventually I realized He was talking to me all along.  I just didn’t see how.

One of the ways I figured it out was watching and listening to you.  You understand God as well as any person I know.  Your ability to tell us things that God is saying is amazing.

Now you say that you are not good at talking with God.  That doesn’t exactly make a novice like me see any hope.  You just don’t see it.

I watch you talk about your wife, and I see God speaking in both of you.  I watch that because watching you as you think about her tells me all I need to know.  I listen and watch you talk about bible verses and I see a man who is connecting to God and the prophets.

So once again you are reducing the positive effects of you thoughts by diminishing yourself.  As Bob Newhart said:  “STOP IT”.  Look it up if you don’t know.

You are a better man than that.  The only problem is, I don’t know if you’ll ever see how much God loves you until you let Him tell you and you believe it.  We may be a bunch of addicts, but everyone in SLAA (except for a couple) Knows you’re a good person, a smart person, a loving person, in touch with God, and a great friend.

So right now, stand up, look to heaven, and say to God:  You made me a good person, I know I’m a good person, and I’m going to show myself I am and listen to You whenever You tell me something.)  Then relax and clear your mind.  That warm fuzzy feeling is God talking to you.  Even I know that.

If you show this to your wife (that’s fine), now is when she can kick your butt for me.  You said to call you out.  I hope you weren’t kidding.

Your Friend

G.

 

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

Dear G.,

Thank you so much!  Your e mail was just about how I began my day.  (Well, in the spirit of full disclosure, I did get up, make coffee, go to the bathroom, weigh myself, and take the dog out.  But other than that, you were the beginning of my day.)  And what a wonderful way to begin my day!

Yesterday, I wanted to spend the whole day with God, and feel that, in large measure, I did.  Thanks to your e mail, I feel as if He has started off the day tenderly saying, “Could we do that again, my child?”

And my answer is, “I’d love to, my LORD!”

One of the things I almost mentioned about you at the 7:00 a.m. meeting yesterday (when we were discussing our spiritual gifts) is that you are an encourager.  You are one of the most encouraging people I think I’ve ever met.  And, oh my!  In this world, where discouragement has become a sick art form, how much encouragement is needed by all of us!

Yes, I really did give you permission to call me out.  And yes, I really am bad about putting myself down.  Humility is good, and I wish I had more of it.  However, merely putting myself down is not the same as humility.

About being “a novice”: We are all of us novices.  That is not putting me or you or anybody down, I hope.  That is simply the truth.  The God who created the universe and died for us on the cross—how could we ever wrap our minds around such a God?!

But God loves the beginners we are.

And as for the Newhart reference, yes, I am familiar with it.  The lady who went to him had a fear of being buried alive, if my memory serves me correctly.

I don’t have a fear of that, but I do have a fear of not living fully.  Your e mail helps me to see that I really am living fully, and have nothing to fear.  I just need to, as you say, relax and clear my mind.

And as for my wife kicking my butt?  She’s a really kind lady, but I’m sure that she would be glad to oblige.

With Warm Regards and Great Appreciation,

 

D.

 

 

“STRENGTHENING MYSELF IN THE LORD MY GOD”

1 Samuel 30:6 David was now in great danger because all his men were very bitter about losing their sons and daughters, and they began to talk of stoning him. But David found strength in the LORD his God.  (New Living Translation)

I wasn’t feeling particularly strong this morning physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  So, I thought of 1 Samuel 30:6.

A literal translation of that last sentence would be “And David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.”  It was something he did to himself.  (For Hebrew students, the verb translated “strengthened” of “found strength” is a hithpa`el.)

We are told in 1 Samuel some of the things that had taken place up to this point.  David had been on the run from King Saul for years.  He had finally taken refuge with the Philistines, but they did not altogether trust him.  He had offered to go to war on the side of his Philistine host.  We are not told whether the offer was sincere or not.  As is often the case, David’s motives are opaque.

David was sent back to the town he and his marauders had been given by the Philistines, Ziklag.  However, as they drew near, all they saw was a pile of burned rubble.  The Amalekites had raided Ziklag, and taken all the possessions and family members of David and his men.  David’s men seem to have been very loyal to him generally, but loyalty has its limits.  They were so devastated that “they began to talk of stoning” David.

But then, we are told that “David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.”  We are not told how he did that, just that he did it.

How do you strengthen yourself in the LORD?  I don’t really know, but I do have some suspicions.  Here is what works for me.

  1. I strengthen myself by reading and meditating on the Scriptures.  I am committed to reading the entire Bible through twice this year.  Sometimes, the Word of God encourages me, sometimes it brings me up short, sometimes it just puzzles me, but it always strengthens me.
  2. I strengthen myself by other readings.  I am rereading The Narnia Chronicles, for example.  I also find Martin Buber’s Tales of the Hasidim to be a continual source of strength.  The Jesuits have a very helpful (and free!) “Three-Minute Retreat,” which you can sign up for through Loyola Press.
  3. My twelve-step meetings and brothers and sisters are extremely strengthening.
  4. I like Christian music.  I like old hymns and modern Christian music, monastic chants and Promise Keepers’ favorites, instrumental and vocal music.  I find that listening to such music makes me stronger.
  5. I remember what God has done in the past for others and for me.  I am strengthened by these memories to believe that God will take care of my present struggles.
  6. I try to be of service to others.  It may seem counterintuitive, but when I serve others, I find that my strength is not depleted, but rather that my strength is strengthened.
  7. Gratitude is also a wonderfully strengthening activity.
  8. Prayer can help a great deal.  Prayer isn’t primarily about getting answers, at least it isn’t for me.  Prayer is about acknowledging the reality of me and the Reality of God.  When I am in touch with my reality and with the Reality of God, I find myself strengthened.
  9. The final way I strengthen myself in the LORD is to remember that weakness is not the problem.  Indeed, weakness is a wonderful opportunity for God to work in my life.   The Apostle Paul writes in NLT  2 Corinthians 12 about a thorn in the flesh that he had.  He doesn’t tell us precisely what that thorn was, but he does tell us that he earnestly prayed to God that it would be taken away.  Thorns in the flesh are no fun!

How did God answer Paul’s prayer?  “Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

Weakness, when acknowledged and submitted to God, is the strongest form of strength.

 

 

 

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