Posts Tagged: immediate gratification

“Instant Gratification and Speed Chess”

As I think I have confessed in these musings before, I am very prone to immediate gratification. In fact, I’m into keeping on with the not-so-gratifying gratification until it is no longer gratifying at all. Online chess is—like the internet itself—highly addictive. Ten-minute games are my current drug of choice.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with chess. Well, there isn’t anything wrong for many folks. It can be fun and can expand your mind. However, I can turn everything into an addiction.

One of the problems with the desire gratification, via chess or anything else, is that it ignores reality: both material and spiritual realities. You doubt? For the material aspect, try this on for size.

“Prepare your work outside;

get everything ready for yourself in the field,

and after that build your house.” (Proverbs 14:27, English Standard Version)

I grew up on a farm. My dad kept talking about building a new and better house. He never got out of the field long enough to do that, so we lived in a—how can I say this delicately—a house that was more than a little old. (Of course, in many parts of the world, our house would have been a mansion.) My dad wasn’t terribly religious, but he was living in tune with Proverbs 14:27 for sure!

And perhaps, he was wiser than I gave him credit for. We always had what we needed. He had seen farmers who, after a couple of good harvests with decent prices, started building nice, modern houses. Some of them never got to live in their new houses because they had to stop building them, due to a lack of enough money to finish them. In some cases, the bank owned the house and the farm after next year’s crop failure.

But for Christ-followers, the issue is even more pressing. For Christians, we need to take avoiding the lust for immediate gratification very seriously. This includes the very spiritual and practical realms. Jesus said that the most important thing we could do was to love God with all we are, and our neighbor as we love ourselves. The problem with my desire for immediate gratification is that it all about me. I’m not thinking about loving God or loving my neighbor; I’m thinking about me.

So, making a list of things I need to do to “get my fields ready” and things I need to do in order to love God and others is very important. After doing those things, if I have a little time to play games of chess might be just fine. (Well, maybe just one or two.) Otherwise, perhaps it is chess that needs to be crossed off my list—permanently.

“The Rule of 15”

I have decided that from here on out, I am going to live by the Rule of 15.

What on earth is “the Rule of 15,” you ask? The Rule of 15 states that, whenever I am about to say or do anything, I keep in mind the Rule of 15. The rule asks me how I’m going to feel about this word or action in 15 seconds, 15 hours, 15, days, or 15 years. I don’t have to go through every permutation of these time increments. In fact, 15 seconds is usually enough.

Now, I can hear your mental wheels turning. You’re thinking to yourself, “He’s not going to be able to ask that question? There isn’t time. He won’t be able to say or do anything!”

And I would respond with two counterpoints. First, would it really be such a bad thing if I said and did less? When all is said and done, I say and do a lot of downright stupidities.

Second, I spend a lot more time than 15 seconds, 15, hours, and 15 days regretting things I’ve done in the past. And yes, as a matter of fact, some of my decisions have haunted me for a lot longer than even 15 years. So, a simple cost-benefits analysis would suggest that the Rule of 15 is a good way of budgeting my time and my life.

And the reason for the Rule of 15 is simple: Immediate gratification is not really so gratifying. “Trust your feelings!” is the mantra of many of us modern folks. And it is a good mantra—provided. (You knew there would be fine print, didn’t you? There’s always fine print.) Trusting my feelings is fine, provided that I trust my longer-term feelings. The main thing is to ask myself how I’ll feel in 15.

One final thought. My own belief, shared with many others, is that I will live forever. I can’t wrap my mind around that, but I do believe it. If my decisions in the here and now are decisions that I will need to live with forever, suddenly the Rule of 15—even 15 years—becomes a pretty minimalistic requirement.

Now, if you are like me, you’ve made a lot of bad decisions over the years. You’ve said and done lots of things that you would love to unsay or undo. But, of course, we can’t, can we? And we’ve also failed to do the right things. The Rule of 15 sounds like a heavy burden, doesn’t it?

Oh, do I have some good news for you and me and for the entire world! In 15 seconds or less, all of your sins can be forgiven. How do I know this? Because it has happened to me.

One time, when my past was up in my face taunting me, I asked God what his pet name for me is. The problem with asking God a question is that he may actually answer you. I don’t listen well to my friends, my wife, my better angels, or even God, but every once in a while, I am so desperate that I muster all my courage and take the plunge. I don’t feel that I very often hear the voice of God, but this time, I think I did. God’s pet name for me is . . .

. . . Forgiven.

I don’t have an exclusive copyright on that name. It can be your name too.

“Learning to Heel”

“And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love” (2 John 6).

I am having a terribly difficult time learning to heel! I should explain.

My frustration with our little dog Laylah has caused me to examine myself. When we go for walks, as we often do these days, Laylah has a tendency to get out in front of me, even when I keep her on a short leash. This would not be a problem, except for the fact that Ms. Laylah has inherited a terrible weakness from her male adopted pet parent: She has attention deficit disorder.  This malady is also known as, “Squirrel! Syndrome.” If my furry little girl sees a squirrel or a bird, or another dog, or blowing leaf or piece of paper, she is off to the races. And she is very fast.

If she cuts to the right side, she threatens to break her own neck, or at least give herself a sore neck. If she cuts to the left side, across my direction of locomotion, she threatens to break my neck, by causing me to have a bad fall. So, teaching her to heel is kind of important, for both her sake and mine.

So, this morning I asked myself why it is so difficult for her to learn to heel. She’s a smart little thing, like my wife, her adopted mamma. The problem is that Laylah is only smart when she decides to be. “Why can’t you learn this?” I said to Laylah, rather reproachfully this morning. She looked at me with fearful humility, and, for two or three seconds, she stayed back. However, before I could say, “Thanks for letting me lead,” she wasn’t—letting me lead, that is.

So, I tried to think like a canine. I don’t know if I succeeded, or that God spoke though me to Laylah. But I do know that God spoke through Laylah to me.

For one thing, Laylah just gets distracted. I’m not so sure that ADD is the proper name for the disorder.  Perhaps it should be called Attention Distraction Disorder. ADD people and dogs don’t have a deficit of attention. We just find ourselves distracted from where we need to direct our attention. And let’s face it. Focusing on obedience isn’t the easiest thing to do, no matter what species we are.

Maybe Laylah’s priorities get messed up. The immediate gratification of chasing a squirrel or a blowing leaf seems so much more important than whatever this hulking giant on the end of her leash wants her to do. Of course, dogs do not have a corner on the immediate gratification market.

But the basic problem is that Laylah wants to be the alpha dog. She may only weigh 7 ½ pounds, but that doesn’t keep her from wanting to be the big dog.

Now, I don’t think that I need to spend a lot of time unpacking these lessons for you and me. We speak of following God or Jesus. That is certainly an appropriate way of speaking. However, sometimes we get distracted, and forget who is on the other end of the leash.

And then there’s the problem of immediate gratification. In fact, I think it is so common that we should turn this expression into a blend word—“immediafication”!

However, the most serious problem is our desire to be the ALPHA DOG. The all caps are not an accident. This is a problem because, no matter what fine people we may be, we all make lousy gods. When we don’t follow God/Jesus, when we try to run ahead, we get ourselves into a mess in a hurry. Unfortunately (or is it so unfortunate, really?), God moves very slowly, and we are very quick. In fact, we are entirely too quick.

Learning to heel is not easy, but it is tremendously important. Perhaps I owe Laylah an apology. I’m sure that I need to ask God to forgive me. And no doubt I need to set a better example for my dog and for my two-legged friends as well.

“Giving Ourselves What We Deserve”

My wife went out to run some errands yesterday.  One errand was to return some clothes that did not quite work for her.  She called me a couple of hours after she had left, and sounded rather frustrated and apologetic.  I don’t remember the exact conversation, but it went something like this.  “I haven’t gotten anything done,” she said.  “I’ve just wasted time trying on a bunch of clothes.  Do you want me just to come home and fix dinner?”  She knows that I like to eat dinner early, whereas she doesn’t really care what time she eats.

Now, you must realize that my wife is not a compulsive shopper.  Quite the contrary!  She buys what she needs if it’s on sale or on the clearance rack, and then makes it last a long, long time.

So, it wasn’t really being a stellar husband for me to be a little nice.  “Just go ahead and do your other errands, and we’ll eat whenever you get home.”  Even though, given my wife’s nature and style, it wasn’t a big thing for me to be a little kind, it was a big thing for me to do.  Hey!  Lighten up on me!  I’m a beginner at being thoughtful!

So, this morning, I read the following words from Melody Beattie’s book The Language of Letting Go:

“Wednesday, May 8

Giving Ourselves What We Deserve

‘I worked at a good job, making a decent salary. I had been recovering for years. Each morning, I got into my car and I thanked God for the car. The heater didn’t work. And the chance of the car not starting was almost as great as the chance that it would. I just kept suffering through and thanking God. One day, it occurred to me that there was absolutely no good reason I couldn’t buy myself a new car – that moment – if I wanted one. I had been gratitudeing myself into unnecessary deprivation and martyrdom. I bought the new car – that day.
  —Anonymous’ ”

It is good to be grateful for what we have.  However, there are times when we deprive ourselves when there is no good reason.  This is especially true of us addicts.  We know that we don’t dare go for immediate gratification.  We know that gratitude for what we have—and even what we don’t have—is extremely important.

However, as addicts, we also tend to turn every good thing into an addiction.  Some of us get addicted to deprivation.  Perhaps there should be a twelve-step group called “D.A.”  This would stand for “Deprivation Anonymous.”

The Apostle Paul has a wonderful little instruction for Timothy, and indeed for all of us.  He says,

17 As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy.

18 They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share,

19 thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.” (1 Timothy 6:17-19, English Standard Version)

Yes, we are to trust God.  Yes, we are to be generous with others.  But did you catch a couple of words at the end of verse 16?  Let me highlight them for you.  “. . . God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy.”  Not abuse, not hoard, but enjoy!

I hope that you enjoy your day!

“LIVE LONG AND PROSPER”

My father-in-law was very fond of the Star Trek T.V. shows—with the exception of those shows that featured the character “Q”.  (I suspect that Dad thought that Q was both too much and too little like God, although I don’t think I ever asked him why he felt the way he did.  I wish that I had now.)

One of the most famous repeated lines in Star Trek is “Live long and prosper.”  I’m not a trekkie, but even I know this line.

But from where does this greeting come?

Those words likely came from Deuteronomy 5:33.  The whole of vs. 33, along with the preceding verse, is as follows:

“32  So Moses told the people, ‘You must be careful to obey all the commands of the LORD your God, following his instructions in every detail.

33  Stay on the path that the LORD your God has commanded you to follow. Then you will live long and prosperous lives in the land you are about to enter and occupy.’ ” (New Living Translation)

“Live long and prosper!” is a good wish, but perhaps the obedience part matters as well.  I have a tendency to want to live long and prosper, but not necessarily to obey.  (You probably don’t struggle with that, but I most certainly do!)

Why is it so difficult to obey?  I’m afraid that I know, and sometimes, wish I didn’t know.

I don’t obey because I want to have my own way.  No, I know that, in the long run, God’s way is best.  But I don’t want the long run; I want what I want right now!

I knew a lady who described herself as “Little-Miss-Gotta-Have-It-Right-Now.”  Change the Miss to Mister in my case, and you can’t miss!

However, it isn’t just the immediate gratification thing.  It also this: My way is my way, and that’s what I want.  I struggle with a spirit of rebellion, which I try to baptize and rename “a spirit of independence.”  However, you can baptize a rat, but it’s still a rat.

But I do have my better moments, moments when I realize that obedience is in my own best interest.  There are moments—and I am having more of them, thanks to the 12-step recovery program and thanks to 12-step friends—when I obey God with a good and glad heart.

There are times when I can say, with the psalmist, “I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart” (Psalm 40:8).

May those times increase for you and me and all of us!  Then we can, with complete confidence, pronounce the blessing on one another, “Live long and PROSPER!

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