Posts Tagged: 12-step affirmations

“Love: The Only True Adventure”

“Love God and love people like you love yourself.” (Jesus, my paraphrase)

“We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! I can’t think what anybody sees in them.” (J. R. R. Tolkien, The Hobbit, or There and Back Again) 

One of my 12-step readings for today is as follows:

“Sunday, August 7

We love because it’s the only true adventure.
  —Nikki Giovanni

In loving, we meet ourselves. As we have become more honest, we no longer make excuses about our relationship problems. We can’t blame our troubles on our partner. Our problems with love were often because we didn’t know how to be close or we didn’t dare to be.

When we let ourselves engage in this adventure, we meet many obstacles – things we can’t control, and sometimes we want to quit right there. We have arguments and disappointments as well as good feelings. But what adventure is without difficulty or surprises? Part of the reason for choosing new experiences is to confront forces outside our control. A relationship is a dialogue. Only if we stay with it through the frustrations, express our deepest feelings openly, and listen to our partner, do we achieve a new level of understanding and confidence in the relationship. Then deeper levels also open within ourselves.”

Today, I will let honesty guide me in this adventure of my love dialogue.” (From Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men ©1986, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.)

In the above reading, I was especially struck by the sentence “But what adventure is without difficulty or surprises?” The fact that I was struck by the sentence should not be construed to mean that I liked the sentence or the truth that it expresses. The truth is that I like easy and predictable. On the other hand, is easy-and-predictable really The Truth?

My wife likes Hallmark love stories. (I do too, but don’t tell my wife. Hopefully she won’t read this post.) Have you noticed that they generally end with the wedding? That is an excellent idea. Why? Because the difficulties and surprises begin after the wedding. It is difficult—verging on the impossible—to wrap a marriage up in a neat package and put a pretty bow on it. Having a beautiful wedding and a beautiful marriage are two very different things.

And, of course, most of every adventure consists of boring, demanding slogs through dismal country. Almost no one tells you that. However, that also is part of the adventure.

My affirmation for today is as follows: “Today, by God’s grace, I am daring to love myself, God, other people, and all creation.” It takes some daring. Even Hallmark shows have some difficulty and surprises as part of their script.

I hope that you have an adventuresome and loving day!

“Eyes in the Front of Our Head”

There is a reason why we have eyes in the front of our heads. We were made to look forward and to move forward.

Yet I struggle with a tendency to keep looking back. I’ve had this tendency since I was young. However, now that I am old, the tendency is on steroids.

My twelve-step affirmation for today is as follows: “Today, by God’s grace, I am looking forward and moving forward toward the man God wants me to be. When I do this, I am the person God wants me to be.” As I usually do, I included this affirmation in my report to my sponsors.

One of my sponsors wrote back with some very thought-provoking questions:

“So, what does the man Daryl wants to be look like? Is this different than God’s wants?

Does God get what God wants?

I think you’re the man God wants you to be.”

The questions are probably more important than the answers. There are some questions that can and must be answered, but the best questions are those that continue to poke and probe and even haunt us.

As a would-be Christ-follower, I think that the answer to what God wants me to look like is found in Romans 8:29. Many Christians are familiar with and love Romans 8:28. Many have even memorized it.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28, (English Standard Version)

But not as many of us are as familiar with vs. 29. That is most unfortunate, because verse 29 gives us the purpose that is mentioned in verse 28. “For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.” (ESV)

Being a brother or sister of Jesus—what a hoot! Way beyond a hoot! It is an amazingly gracious calling. Difficult? Yes! After all, Jesus lived and died for others. But still, it is an amazingly gracious calling.

So, what God wants is for me to bear a striking resemblance to Jesus. Am I there? I am most definitely not! However, I do believe that God is a little further along with me than he used to be. Conformed to the image of God’s Son? No, not yet. I am very much a work in progress. But that is what I want in my better moments. I have more of those better moments these days.

And God loves me right where I am, right now. I believe that for myself. I believe it for you too, dear reader. Life is a journey, not a destination, as the saying goes.

Yes indeed it is!

So, again, here are my sponsor’s questions, along with my right-now responses:

Q: “So, what does the man Daryl wants to be look like?” Jesus!

Q: “Is this different than God’s wants?” No, at least, not right now!

Q: “Does God get what God wants?” Today, I intend and plan for God to get exactly what God wants.

“I think you’re the man God wants you to be.” I dare to think so too.

“Advice vs. Guidance”

Before I threw the covers off this morning, I prayed that God would guide me through and throughout this day. My 12-step affirmation for today is “Today, I am allowing my Higher Power to guide me to make good choices and to follow through on those choices.

Then, strangely enough, in one of my 12-step readings, I encountered a section entitled “Divinely Led.” It began with an epigraph, which is also a prayer:

“Send me the right thought, word, or action. Show me what my next step should be. In times of doubt and indecision please send your inspiration and guidance.

—Alcoholics Anonymous” (https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/thought-for-the-day?book=2&date=2021-02-11)

It is so much easier to give advice than guidance. An advisor points out the direction you should go. A guide goes with you.

According to both the Old and New Testaments, God is not an advisor. God is a guide. Of course, God is not just a guide. God is many things. But God isa guide.

I really appreciate that sometimes. I can get lost in my own close closet—and it isn’t even a walk-in closet. For sure, I can get lost in my own mind. As someone has said, “The mind is a dark and scary place. Don’t go there alone!”

My Guide often accompanies me to places I don’t want to go, but my Guide goes with me. And when I follow and arrive at this place I did not want to go, there is a delightful view or a needful lesson to be learned—sometimes a view and a lesson.

God guides me in many ways: through the Bible, for sure, but in other ways as well. Here is a very partial list of ways in which my Guide guides:

  • The Bible.
  • Other books and articles, both sacred and secular.
  • Music.
  • Friends.
  • 12-step readings.
  • Internal nudging from the Holy Spirit.
  • My dog.
  • My circumstances.
  • Trial and error.
  • My own internal longings. (Well, some of them.)

Who’s to say? Perhaps God even guides through blog posts like this one. May you be guided through this day!

DTEB, “Self-Respect”

Years ago, my long-term sponsor encouraged me to do and live out daily affirmations.  It has been, quite literally, a life-changing experience.  Here is my 12-step report to my sponsors for today, and my tentative report for tomorrow:

Dear _________ and _____________,

No violations.

Yesterday’s affirmation: “Today, by God’s grace, I am respecting myself, God, others, all living creatures, and even inanimate objects.  The word (and song) for today is “R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Here is how I think I did with yesterday’s affirmation: I was respectful to myself, God, and others today, for the most part.  One thing that I can certainly improve on is thinking (and consequently, speaking) of myself in a more respectful way.  My wife pointed out to me yesterday (for the how-many-th time??) that she doesn’t like it when I speak of myself in a put-down-ish manner.

Today’s affirmation: Today, by God’s grace, I am carefully monitoring my thinking and speaking to and about myself.  I am thinking positive thoughts about myself, and I am speaking about myself as little as possible.  But if I do say something about myself, it is kind.

I have begun the practice of writing my report for the next day, right after I send the report for the present day.  This enables me to think about and plan for the outcomes of my affirmation.  I can always revise the draft the next morning, based on what really happened.  So, here is my tentative report for tomorrow:

“Here is how I did:

  • I did monitor my thinking and actions, based on this affirmation.  I committed the affirmation to memory, and frequently repeated it (out loud when I was alone, and mentally when I was with other people).
  • When I was inclined to say something negative about myself, I did the Bob Newhart thing, and said, “Stop it!”
  • I made the decision to listen more to others, and to talk less about myself.  It was great fun!  (And I learned a lot more about others, and gave them the invitation to feel respected by my genuine interest in them.)
  • I thanked God in my daily gratitude list for 10 good things about myself.”

Here is one thing that I did not include in the rough draft of my report to my sponsors.  I will add it.

  • At church, I went to the altar, prayed, and emptied myself of everything.  I feel light enough today to float away.  I know that a breakthrough has to be fleshed out with lots of follow-throughs, and I am determined that, by God’s grace, I will do precisely that.  I will empty myself of my past, my regrets, my sins (real and imagined), and myself, as often as I need to do so.  Then, I will pray that God will continually fill me with his Holy Spirit and with all goodness.

“A Day of Small Kindnesses”

There are two interesting, seemingly unrelated emphases today.  First, there is my personal emphasis.  Today, my 12-step affirmation is, “Today, by God’s grace, I am being kind to my own self, and kind to all my other selves as well.”  So, I prayed that God would help me to live out this affirmation—“to make it real,” as a good friend likes to say.

Second, today is National Wear Red Day.  Did you know that?  I didn’t, and I found out rather accidentally.  Or was it fortuitous?

I went out for a long walk/run with my little dog.  We left before sunrise.  We walked (and ran a little) down to the bay, and then along the bay.  I was soon seeing signs along the promenade, signs with brief facts and warnings about cardiac risks for women.  I thought of my own lovely lady, and wondered how her heart was doing.

Remembering my affirmation about kindness, I decided to look for people to encourage all day long.  I encountered a couple of young ladies wearing red shirts and carrying signs.  “Thanks for what you are doing,” I said.  “It makes me think about my lovely wife of forty-six years.  I want her with me for a lot longer.”

They thanked me, seemingly touched by my words.  “And you’re wearing a red shirt!” one of them said.

“Strictly accidental,” I confessed.  “I wasn’t aware of the emphasis today.”  I walked on.

Here is what Wikipedia has to say about National Wear Red Day:

“It occurs in America on the first Friday in February each year, where people wear red.

The Heart Truth—is a national awareness campaign for women about heart disease sponsored by the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute, part of the National Institutes of Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Designed to warn women of their #1 health threat, The Heart Truth created and introduced the Red Dress as the national symbol for women and heart disease awareness in 2002 to deliver an urgent wakeup call to American women.” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Wear_Red_Day, accessed 02-07-2020).

When I turned around to head back toward home, I was starting to cross the street.  Traffic was heavy and the walk light was a long time coming on.  A bevy of red-shirted ladies was waiting to cross the street from the other side.  They were carrying many more signs.  A gust of wind blew one of the signs out of a young lady’s hands, and onto and across the street.  The now sign-less young lady was heard to say, “Oh no!”

The sign flew across the road and sidewalk, lodging against the concrete railing above the bay.  Another gust, and it would be in the bay.  I ran back and retrieved it before it could go aquatic, and made it back (just in time) to cross the street.  I was loudly cheered and thanked by the ladies, way out of proportion to what my small act was worth.  (And no, if another wind gust had taken the sign, I would not have jumped into the bay after it.)

A friend of mine—the same one who likes to “make it real”—gave me another wonderful saying today: “It’s the small things where all the change happens.”  That is so.

Thanking someone for doing something worthwhile is such a small kindness.  So is rescuing a sign from blowing into the bay.  But we all need to begin somewhere.  I certainly have to start small.

“Carried by God”

Sunday, March 31, 2019

“Listen to me, O house of Jacob,

                        all the remnant of the house of Israel,

             who have been borne by me from before your birth,

                        carried from the womb;

            even to your old age I am he,

                        and to gray hairs I will carry you.

             I have made, and I will bear;

                        I will carry and will save.” (Isaiah 46:3-4, English Standard Version)

My 12-step affirmation for today is as follows: “Today, by God’s grace, I am allowing myself to be carried in God’s arms.  This enables me to walk when and where and how I need to walk.

I remember when I was little falling asleep in my dad’s car on the way back home from a late night trip.  (“Late night” was anytime after sunset for me when I was little.  Still is.)  It would be hard for me to wake up.  Sometimes, I didn’t.  I would simply go to sleep in the car, and wake up in my bed the next morning.

At other times, I would half wake up, but my dad would still carry me in the house.  Mom would tuck me into bed.  And sometimes, I would pretend to be asleep, so that Dad could carry me in.

Sorry, Dad.  I hope that wasn’t too much of a bother.  Who knows?  Perhaps you enjoyed it.  I was (and am) a lot less of a dill pickle when I’m asleep.

Today, I have a nasty cold.  I’m not going to church today, and I’m having to rest more.  I’ve got a lot of important-to-me work to do.  It isn’t getting done.  And I am not a very good patient.

So, today God is challenging me to let myself be carried in his arms.  Hence today’s 12-step affirmation, which I pasted above.

Certainly the Bible, both the Old and New Testament, speak of  the importance of walking.  Sometimes biblical language speaks of literal walking.  At other times, it talks about how we “walk” through life, how we conduct ourselves (Deuteronomy 8:6; Micah 6:8; Colossians 1:10-11; and 1 John 2:6, plus many others.  Often, modern translations obscure this very mundane, physical metaphor.)   Putting one foot in front of the other for God, people and creation is very important.

But the Bible also speaks of God carrying us, even when were old and gray.  And that is important too.  Sometimes the best way to walk with God is to let ourselves be carried.  God will put us down and let us walk whenever the time is right.

“AN UNBALANCED QUEST FOR BALANCE”


The other day, in my daily report to my twelve-step sponsor, I included my daily affirmation:

Today, by God’s grace, I am living a balanced and healthy life all around—spiritually, relationally, mentally, work-wise, and physically.  Today, I am balance.

With a nod to one of our favorite musical groups, The Moody Blues (and their albumn “A Question of Balance”), Bob replied as follows:

“No Question of Balance?

Wishing you a well balanced day.”

Another twelve-step friend and I often pray for one another for balance.  Ironically, after my e mail exchange with my sponsor, another friend pointed out something obvious this morning.  It was, in fact, so obvious that I had never thought of.  “Sometimes, we pursue balance in a very unbalanced way.”

True that !

Aristotle and others have lauded “the golden mean” as the ideal for human virtue.  For example, go too far in the direction of courage, and you become reckless.  Go too far in the direction of caution, and you become cowardly.

But what if the golden mean—that is, balance itself—becomes an unbalanced obsession?  At this point, a body is in serious trouble.  Obsession with balance is not balance.  It is simply another obsession.

I doubt that anyone is born balanced.  My wife and I had four little creatures we helped to bring into the world.  I don’t remember that any of them were very balanced when they were learning to sit up.  The same when they were learning to walk.

And then there were the teen years, not a stage in life known for balance for any of us.

So, how do I—how do we—pursue balance in a balanced manner?  It is much easier for me to raise the question of balance than it is for me to answer it.  Perhaps that, in and of itself, is an important affirmation.  Perhaps my sponsor’s tongue-in-cheek allusion to The Moody Blues “A Question of Balance” is part of the answer to my dilemma concerning balance.  Balance will always be a questionable quest.

That said, one possible way of thinking about balance is in terms of riding a bike.  I came very late to riding a bike.  I was probably in the third or fourth grade before I learned to ride.

Why was I so late learning how to ride?  Now that I think about it, there were at least two reasons that were somewhat different and somewhat related.

First, I lived on a farm with uneven ground and a (sometimes) graveled driveway.  Such rough terrain is not natural bike country, especially for a beginner.

I have discovered that life itself is rough terrain.  There are lots of environmental realities that make balance a challenge.  It is best to recognize them.  As someone has said, “Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean that people really aren’t out to get you.”  It is not always our fault that balance is often difficult to pursue in a balanced manner.

But the second reason I was late in learning to ride a bike is something that is more personal and harder to confess: I was afraid.  I was sure that I was going to fail, that I was going to fall.  Why start something when you know you’re going to fail?

Sure enough, I did fall—a lot.  However, in the process of processing numerous falls, I discovered something: Falling and failing are not the same thing.  And before long, I was riding a bike pretty well!

One further thought: Riding a bike is never a matter of perfect balance.  Rather, it is a matter of a lot of mid-course corrections.  You lean to the left, you lean to the right.  You lean forward, you lean back.  Balance is making a lot of small changes in what you’re doing.

And, of course, it is nigh on impossible to balance on a bicycle when I’m not in motion.  If I become obsessed with balance, I’m like a kid sitting on a bike, but not going anywhere.  If I am in motion in the direction I think God wants me to go, balance will still be a challenge.  But it will be possible.

“SECRETLY INCREDIBLE”

Here was my report and affirmation to my 12-step sponsor the other day:

Dear _____,

Today, my report and affirmation to my 12-step sponsor read as follows: “No violations, other than some passing fantasies.  I didn’t let them pass as quickly as I would have liked, but they did pass.

Today, by God’s grace, I will not complain about anything or anyone.  This includes myself.  Instead, I will be grateful, and will do whatever I can to serve God and others, in order to make this a slightly better world than it is right now.

My sponsor’s reply was at once an encouragement and a rebuke.  “So, I see a contradiction in your report and your affirmation. You said you did not let them pass as quickly as you would have liked and then you state that you won’t complain about anything. Relish your success.

Be secretly incredible today to tie in to your affirmation.”

I wrote, “Thanks so much for the correction!  You are right.

Thanks also for giving me a wonderful idea for a blog: “Secretly Incredible.’”

So, let me make a list of things about me that stand a chance of being “secretly incredible.”  Of course, since I am posting this, it will be an open secret.  So, here is a not-so-secret list of my current secret incredibles:

  • I am honest about my weaknesses, at least some of the time.
  • I am admitting to others some of my weaknesses, in order that they both hold me accountable and encourage me.
  • I am making positive affirmations, and trying to live by them.
  • I am aware of the danger and yukkiness of complaining, and am seeking to avoid it.
  • I am capable of having my contradictions pointed out without coming unglued.

What are your secret incredibles?  Most of us are aware of our faults and failings.  Are you also aware of what’s right about you?  Sometimes I think we hide all our secrets deep inside, unaware that some of those secrets might be just fine.

 

 

“LEARNING THE FINE ART OF LEANING”

DTEB, “LEARNING THE FINE ART OF LEANING”

“LORD, please prop us up on our leaning side.” (Prayer by an anonymous saint)

“I’m Learning to Lean on Jesus.” (Lyrics and title of a song)

“We all need somebody to lean on.”  (Bill Withers, “Lean on Me”)

These days, my daily affirmations tend to deal with pain.  That is because I am dealing with pain.  Here is my affirmation (in bold font), as part of my daily report to my 12-step sponsor:

“Dear ________,

Today, by God’s grace, I am learning to live with and learn from pain.  Whenever I need to (all of the time, I suppose!), I will lean on God.

 

My sponsor replied with the following:

“God provides support in many ways. Lean on family, friends, and furry friends.”

 

My reply to my sponsor’s reply turns on an ironic fact.  The “ironic fact” was my little dog.

“Dear ­­­­­­_______,

Just before I read your e mail, I looked down at my little “furry friend” sleeping in my lap, and thought of how much I love our dog, Laylah.

We all lean.  The only questions are:

  • Upon what or whom are we leaning?
  • Why are we leaning?
  • Can others lean on us?
  • Are we okay with all this leaning stuff?”

We spend a lot of time when we’re little learning to stand and walk on our own.  That takes more than a year.  The rest of our lives is spent learning to lean, and it is one of the most important lessons of life.  It is the other important part of the equation.  If we only learn to stand and walk on our own, we are only half human.

We like to think that we can make it on our own.  We can’t.  And if we could, it wouldn’t be good.

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