“Having Expectations versus Letting Them Have Me”
DTEB, “Having Expectations versus Expectations Having Me”
“An expectation is just another name for a premeditated resentment.” (A comment at a twelve-step meeting.)
A few years ago, I decided to live a year without expectations. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I ran into problems almost immediately.
I stopped at Family Dollar Store (my second favorite store on the planet, Dollar General being my first pick) to get a no-expectations notebook. They didn’t have the rather stodgy, bound journals that I have been used to using for years. All they had was a colorful notebook that looked to me like the sort of composition book an optimistic ten-year-old girl would get.
I suddenly realized that I had been ambushed in the aisle of Family Dollar by my own expectations!
They are everywhere, aren’t they? I expect too much of myself, of other people, of the weather, of the government, of my wife, even of God.
A friend of mine reminded us this morning at a meeting that there is nothing wrong with having expectations. The problem is that we get angry when they are not met.
I suppose that he is right. If I hold my expectations lightly, they may do me no harm at all. However, I’ve noticed that I don’t tend to hold them lightly. I get really clingy. In fact, I’ve noticed that I tend to hang on to them so tightly that expectations begin to hold me. And rest assured of this: Expectations can quickly get a death grip on me.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, kind reader. ”But aren’t some expectations realistic?”
And I would reply, “Yes, it may well be so.” However, while some expectations may be realistic, people are not realistic. So, even realistic expectations may not be met.
Perhaps we can’t avoid expectations. Maybe the best we can do is to hold them very lightly.
Care to join me in “THE YEAR OF HOLDING EXPECTATIONS LIGHTLY”? You can probably get a nice notebook at the store, if you’re not too particular.
“WHEN GOD ISN’T IN THE PICTURE”
I receive a daily e mail from Loyola Press entitled “3-Minute Retreat.” (You may access today’s meditation at http://www.loyolapress.com/retreats/like-sheep-with-a-shepherd-start-retreat, accessed 06-01-2017.) Each meditation has a brief passage from the Bible, a few thought-provoking comments, a couple of questions, and a closing prayer. It also has a background picture.
The Scripture today was Luke 12:32. “Do not be afraid any longer, little flock, for your Father is pleased to give you the kingdom.”
Part of the comment from the author of this meditation is as follows: “We are created and sustained by a loving God, on whom we depend as sheep on a shepherd. With our generous God as shepherd, we have no more reason to fear.”
Luke 12:32 is a wonderfully comforting and energizing verse, and the comment was right on target. However, it was the juxtaposition with the background picture that especially struck me this morning. There is no shepherd anywhere in the picture!
And that is the way feels most of the time, isn’t it? God seems very absent from our daily lives. There is grass, sky, hill, other sheep, but no Shepherd.
However, neither cameras nor our eyes can catch all that is there. God is indeed working in our lives, though we rarely suspect it. He is indeed pleased to give us his kingdom.
In the background picture, one sheep out of the approximately fifty-seven sheep is looking directly at the camera. Most of the time, I am like the fifty-six. I’m eating, looking at other sheep, and doing whatever else it is that we human sheep do.
Perhaps the person who is taking the picture is the shepherd. Perhaps our Great Shepherd is taking the picture that we call “our lives”. Perhaps we are the subject of God’s shutter art. Perhaps God is too humble to be very obviously present in our lives.
It may be that you and I could choose to look up every once in a while, and look in the direction of the One who is taking the picture.
“Grace vs. Our Win/Lose Mindset”
Dear Readers,
I just read an excellent meditation from Richard Rohr, and thought it was so good that I would simply redirect you to his website. It is the meditation on “Law and Grace,” and is/was posted on Tuesday, May 23, 2017. You may access Rohr’s meditation at https://cac.org/category/daily-meditations/.
Enjoy!
Down to Earth Believer
“Paul’s Way of Thinking and Writing”
Thanks to a good friend, I am now receiving the meditations of Richard Rohr. He is very good! Rohr’s works suggest to me that the daily struggles are also an opportunity for daily growth. According to Rohr, Paul was a both/and thinker, rather than an either/or thinker.
I think that Rohr is right. I call Paul’s means of communication as “BOOM! and back off.” What I mean by this is that the Apostle Paul will communicate a truth to his reader. It will be very strong. Indeed, it is often a categorical statement—almost too strong. In other words, “BOOM!”
But then, immediately, Paul will make a balancing statement. That is the “back off.”
Perhaps a couple of examples will illustrate what I mean.
Philippians 2:12b: “Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear.” (“back off.”)
Philippians 2:13: “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” (“back off.”)
Galatians 2:20a: “My old self has been crucified with Christ.” (“BOOM!”)
Galatians 2:20b: “It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.” (“back off.”)
Of course, I could also say that Paul tends to be more balanced than he is often thought to be. However, “balance” is such a boring word. And whatever you think about Paul, there aren’t many folks who would call him boring.
On the other hand, Paul’s vivid communication style can and does lead to misunderstandings. Some of us tend to hear the first statement and ignore the second one. Some reverse the order of what we hear. Some hear only one side of what Paul says and radically disagree. Others hear only one side of what Paul says, and agree.
As in every case of human communication, there is always a high probability of miscommunication. Alan Greenspan is reported to have said, “I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” The same might be said of those of us who think we understand Paul.
I’ll close with these wonderful words concerning Paul from Rohr:
“He now knows that he is both sinner and saint, as we too must trust. Once the conflict has been overcome in you, and you realize you are a living paradox and so is everyone else, you begin to see life in a truly spiritual and compassionate way, which demands that you let go of your too easy dualisms.
Paul often presents two seemingly opposing ideas, such as weakness and strength, flesh and spirit, law and grace, faith and works, Jew and Greek, male and female. Our normal, dualistic thinking usually wraps itself fully around one side and then fully dismisses the other—thinking this is truth—when it is much more just a need for control or righteousness. Like Jesus, Paul invites you to wrestle with the paradox. If you stay with him in the full text, you’ll see he usually comes to a reconciliation on a higher level, beyond the conflict that he himself first illustrates. Many readers just stay with the initial dualistic distinction he makes and then dislike Paul. It seems you must first seek an often dualistic clarity about the tension—but then grace takes you to a higher level of resolution instead of just choosing sides. Some of us call this “third way” thinking—beyond the usual fight or flight responses.”
“Living in the moment or for the moment?”
Prepositions are little words that matter a lot.
For example, think of two statements that sound almost identical:
“I’m living in the moment.”
“I’m living for the moment.”
The same difference? I don’t think so!
Living in the moment is a good thing. In fact, when else can any of us really live? Living in the past is another word for nostalgia or regret. However, it can scarcely be said to be really living.
Living in the future is either fantasy or anxiety. Again, neither of these is truly living.
The present is where it is at. This does not apply only to an enjoyable present. Often, the present is not enjoyable. To pretend otherwise is not wise.
Still, to attempt to live somewhere other than where I am at any given moment is not simply unwise; it is impossible. Being at some time that isn’t present is like being some where you’re not.
So much for the important preposition “in!” What about “for?”
Living for the moment is another matter altogether.
This philosophy of life is encapsulated in a saying from the 1960s: “If it feels good, do it!” I heard a speaker once say, that whenever he saw that saying on a bumper sticker, he always wanted to rear-end the car. When the driver asked, “Why did you do that?!?” the speaker was going to say, “I just always thought it would feel good!” I am assuming that the speaker never followed through on this fantasy.
I have often tried this approach, and it has never worked out well for me. Perhaps this is not true of everyone, but for me, every time I’ve tried it, I have regretted it (or at least the outcome). I’ve said the first thing that came to mind, and lost a friend, or hurt my wife. I’ve eaten impulsively, and gained weight—as recently as yesterday! You get the picture.
Of course, this “live-for-the-moment” approach would work very well, if in fact what felt good for the moment was truly good. However, I do not think that feeling good can be identified with what is good. In fact, they are frequently (though not always) sworn enemies.
I’m sure that some of my readers are saying to themselves, “Well, the good sounds pretty dismal. I don’t think I’m interested.” So, let me come in with a good word for the truly good.
I believe that the truly good feels good in the long term. However, it simply does not feel good in the short term.
More about this in tomorrow’s post!
“An Ordered Life”
“An Ordered Life”
“Dear Lord and Father of mankind,
Forgive our foolish ways!
Reclothe us in our rightful mind,
In purer lives Thy service find,
In deeper reverence, praise.
In simple trust like theirs who heard
Beside the Syrian sea
The gracious calling of the Lord,
Let us, like them, without a word
Rise up and follow Thee.
O Sabbath rest by Galilee!
O calm of hills above,
Where Jesus knelt to share with Thee
The silence of eternity
Interpreted by love!
With that deep hush subduing all
Our words and works that drown
The tender whisper of Thy call,
As noiseless let Thy blessing fall
As fell Thy manna down.
Drop Thy still dews of quietness,
Till all our strivings cease;
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace.
Breathe through the heats of our desire
Thy coolness and Thy balm;
Let sense be dumb, let flesh retire;
Speak through the earthquake, wind, and fire,
O still, small voice of calm.”
(“Dear Lord and Father of Mankind)
The words that always grab me from this hymn are:
“And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace.”
That is likely because my life is not very orderly.
For some reason (but does there really need to be a reason?), I felt my mom’s presence very strongly as I sat at my desk, thinking about my day, sipping my coffee, and thinking about the words of “Dear Lord and Father of Mankind.” I don’t know that this was one of her favorite hymns, but I do think that she reflected the aspirations of the song in many ways, as my wife does also. (And, of course, I know that my Mom liked coffee! My wife does not.)
My Mom was a very ordered person, even though she had a very old, very small farmhouse. She worked hard, but still seemed to make time to put things in their proper place.
And yet, Mom never made order into a fetish. She could be spontaneous and playful. She was fun to be around. Same with my wife.
Some of us are, I am afraid, like Dr. Sheldon Cooper on “The Big Bang Theory.” Sheldon is so ordered that he is rigid. While it is funny in fiction, it isn’t so funny in reality. When orderliness becomes rigidity, you set yourself up for misery. You also spread your misery around to others.
I would like to tell you that I am like my mom and my wife in pursuing order in my life, without order becoming my slave driver. What I need to tell you is that I am much more like Sheldon Cooper. Well, in fairness, I am not like Sheldon in his strengths, but I do mirror his weaknesses. My pendulum tends to swing wildly between the extremes of chaos and compulsive order. Once in a while, I am very briefly in balance. However, I recover from balance very rapidly.
My mom, my wife, and the lyrics of this song remind me of a simple, but vital, fact: Order does not have to be obsessive-compulsive. Order can be good friends with spontaneity and fun.
Of course, the hymn “Dear Lord and Father of Mankind” is an aspiration and a prayer, not a statement of fact. And certainly, I can aspire and pray.
So can you!
“ONE GRACE AFTER ANOTHER”
“From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another” (John 1:16, New Living Translation).
“For we have all received from his fullness one gracious gift after another” (John 1:16, New English Translation).
Commentators and translators disagree about what the last phrase of John 1:16 means. An older commentator named Matthew Henry lists six different possible understandings of the Greek phrase. He seems to favor all of them at once.
The truth is that I don’t know precisely what it means. I’m not sure that John did either. Sometimes we all (including those who wrote the Bible) speak of mysteries that they didn’t understand, and that we don’t fully understand either.
However, whatever the phrase means, this much I believe with all my heart: It sounds awfully good! Linked with the first phrase about receiving from the fullness of Christ, the phrase seems to be saying that there is an endless supply of grace.
Grace means many things, and I have not even begun to understand it. Leon Morris, in his commentary on John, has some good thoughts.
“Clearly John intends to put some emphasis on the thought of grace. Probably also he means that as one piece of divine grace (so to speak) recedes it is replaced by another. God’s grace to His people is continuous and is never exhausted. Grace knows no interruption and no limit. . . . But grace is always an adventure. No man can say where grace will lead him. Grace means an ever deepening experience of the presence and the blessing of God.”
But, of course, if I am receiving an endless supply of grace, I need to also show grace to others. This is part of the adventure which is grace. However, there is a catch: I don’t always want to show grace to others. Sometimes (often?), I want others to get what they deserve.
Perhaps I need to keep reading. A few verses after John 1:16, in verse 29, John the Baptizer says concerning Jesus, “Look, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” If that is true, then passing along grace to others is not an option. If Jesus is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world, who am I to try to dam up the flow of grace?
But while showing grace to others is not optional, it is a choice. I can choose to withhold grace from others. However, if I do that, those others may be harmed. And I will most certainly be harmed.
“When it is a Sad Anniversary”
Today is a sad anniversary for me. Someone I love a great deal took his own life on this day.
He was a good guy in many ways, just confused. And like all survivors of suicide, I tend to blame myself.
However, it is important, even in the sad times (perhaps, most of all during the sad times) to remember the good qualities of someone. This young person was funny, and loving, and wise beyond his years. There are good memories, as well as the huge hole in my heart.
“Love is as strong as death,” says the Song of Songs, chapter 8, verse 6. The Apostle Paul takes it even further. The greatest thing in the world is love, and it will last (1 Corinthians 13:13). In 13:8, Paul says, “Love never fails.”
Really? Even when it seems to have failed completely?
Yes! Even then!
So, I go on loving. Why let the grave stop me? It didn’t stop Jesus!
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