“Hot Weather, Blankets, and Prayer”
Today’s post is a Facebook post by a loving but exasperated mom. You will understand the title better after you read the post. Here it is!
“Are my kids amazing? Yes. Do they also make me lose my mind at least once a day? Yes. Absolutely yes.
This morning in the organized madness of trying to get all four kids out the door., I had to run back in the house twice to get car blankets. Never mind that it’s the middle of summer, we’re in a heatwave, and we swam like three times yesterday because it was “sooo hot!” Car blankets. We had real tears, genuine sadness, and basically accusations of borderline child abuse should I not go back in the house and grab them these dang blankets. Cue me in utter exasperation digging through the hall closet trying to find these blankets that, “silly me!” I put up once the cold weather was over.
But it’s fine. Everything’s fine. We aren’t even late! Probably because I started preparing for our exit 2 hours prior… At least now I can drive in peace knowing that my children will not freeze in this intense weather.
Anyway, if your kids’ logic is as gloriously flawed as mine, I see you. I hear you. But also, so does God. And I can imagine the number of times he is shaking his head at me in exasperation as I whine for something I clearly don’t need, but adamantly, deep in my core, believe that I do.
Thank you Lord for your patience with me. For gently leading me when I am so far off base that it’s comical. Guide me to trust that You know best. Help me to have that same love and wisdom with my children and with everyone I interact with today. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
“What We Have, What We Have Been Given, and What We Give”
A 12-step friend quoted a reading from a recovery book that furthered my quest for sanity and wholeness:
“In OA, we measure our wealth not by what we have but by what we have given.
Teach me to give.”
This set me to ruminating, and this post is the fruit of my rumination. I think that one way to look at this is to say that there are three very different approaches to life. People fall into one of these three camps, based on their dominant values.
First, there are the “I-havers”. These folks base their lives on the idea that if they have certain things, their life is good. In a sense, it doesn’t even matter whether they have something or not. They are basing their sense of well-being on what they have—or would like to have. Years ago, I heard a slogan that might encapsulate this philosophy. “The winner is the one who dies with the most toys.” I fear that this group is the largest group. In fact, we probably all fall into it in one way or another, to one degree or another.
The second group might be called the “I-have-been-given-ers”. They are grateful and aware that they did not get whatever they have all by themselves. Even when they are going through tough times, they try to be thankful for the good times. Their philosophy is expressed in the Bible verse that says, “Give thanks in everything” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
The final group might be labeled the “I-have-to-givers”. I realized only after I thought of this phrase that you can read this label in two different ways. On the one hand, these folks have an inner compulsion to give to others. My wife is like that. She is a servant who never thinks she has done enough.
On the other hand (or also?), the “I-have-to-givers” realize that they have things in order to give. No doubt this helps to fuel their holy compulsion to give. These folks don’t have things in order to heap things up. They have things in order to give things out. Their approach to life might be summed up with the lapidary statement “You only really possess what you give away.”
Now the truth is that we all fall into one of these three groups at times. But the question is this: What is my dominant way of doing life? Perhaps an even better question is this: How will I do life today?
“A Land of Misfit Toys”
I love the Church and my own particular local church. However, I often wonder if 12-step groups don’t frequently out-church the church. Here is an email from a Saturday morning fellow 12-stepper:
“I am working on a document as part of my couple’s recovery. This particular section is “significant events in your road to recovery”. I wanted to share what was top of the list.
Finding connection at a random Sat morning group:
It is amazing to me that a key moment in my recovery came through a random Saturday morning group. When I came back from my program last summer, I had committed to attending a daily meeting. Although resentful of this commitment I accepted the value (at least on an intellectual level). At the time, I viewed meetings as a chore and as such tried to get them done early and out of the way. The summer is boat time and I had to find a meeting which would not interfere with the rest of my day. As it turns out, this particular group of people, who run an early Saturday recovery meeting have been lifesavers in many ways. They certainly have helped my relationship with my wife, but most importantly participation in the group has saved the relationship with myself. The group is made up of kind caring people who have humility laced with wit and humor. To me, this makes all the difference. I was quickly accepted among their ranks and even asked to participate in a smaller weekly meeting on Wednesday AM. I have learned through participation that despite how I often feel like Rudolf (alone and different), hiding and isolating is not the answer. This eclectic group of people show me every Saturday that you can have a very fulfilling life and a committed long-term relationship while also working to maintain sobriety, even if you sometimes feel you’re in the land of misfit toys.”
We all probably feel like misfit toys some of the time. Some of us feel that way all of the time. Alcoholics Anonymous started in a church building basement. To this day, many 12-step groups meet in churches. While I think that it matters a great deal what we believe, I think that treating people with kindness might work a lot better than simply telling people what they should believe. Kindness is a wonderful way to help people find the truths they need to find.
Of course, the church is all about relationships in any case: relationships with God and with one another. God loves misfits. We all fit with God, and I suspect that God expects us to fit in with one another as best we can—not necessarily agree, but get along. Getting agreement is much easier than getting along in the land of misfit humans, but getting along means more to God. Maybe it should be worth more to us as well.
“The God Who Often Fails”
My wife and I attend a church that likes to sing praise songs and preach about the God who never fails. However, I suspect that God often fails.
Now before you stop reading or burn me at the stake or anything, let me explain. I am not saying that God is a failure. I am simply saying that God often fails. No better?
Let me unpack this a bit. The God I pray to and trust (at least some of the time) often fails . . . to answer my prayers. Yes, I know. “No,” and “Wait and while” are answers too. Still, it certainly feels like God has failed when he fails to respond to my prayers in the way I want God to respond.
Of course, it is possible that some (most?) of my prayers are not really prayers to God at all, but merely my immaturity kicking and screaming for what it wants. Yes, that might be the problem. However, I don’t like that possibility, so I reject it.
It could be, though, that my perception of God’s failing to do what I ask really boils down to messed up priorities and a messed up view of God. Maybe God isn’t in the business of doing precisely what I want. Maybe I am victimizing myself with selfish desires and then blaming God.
It is possible.
“In the Business of Mercy”
A friend of mine wrote the following to me the other day:
“The more I stay in ‘most of that is none of my business’ mindset, the better I feel spiritually. Even if I do disagree with what someone is doing, or if I would do it differently myself, I can mind my own business by loving them anyway and not trying to control or manipulate. I can trust God with all of it. I actually just think about Jesus and his ministry of being with the most outcast people of society, the “sinners”, and how he showed them unconditional love. That’s how I want to be. Just loving people where they’re at, even if they’re screwing up, even if they’re wrong. I’m wrong all the time. I screw up all the time. And when I do, I really need mercy and love. I think we all do.”
We are in the business of mercy. Part of mercy is often minding our own business. Most people realize when they have messed up. Some even recognize that they are messed up. And yet, as I mentioned to my wife just this morning, I tend to be an editor of other people’s lives. Why do I do that?
I suspect that the main reason is that I don’t want to come terms with the things that I need to change in my own life. Focusing on what is wrong with “those people” avoids the messy and difficult task of trying to be changed myself. It doesn’t matter too much who “those people” are. It could be Democrats or Republicans, atheists or Christians, men or women, the young or the old . . . , just as long as it isn’t me.
Perhaps I should base my own personal mercy business on the premise that I have received much mercy from God and from other people. The truth is that I have indeed received a lot of mercy.
Perhaps too, I could practice mercy toward myself. Increasingly, I am convinced that all the Christian virtues need to be practiced not only by ourselves, but also on ourselves.
“Some Random Thoughts about Quests”
Some friends and I are thinking about going on a quest or quests. I am not sure what a quest even is, but I have some ideas of what might be involved in a quest. Here are some random thoughts in no particular order.
- Perhaps God is on a quest, too.
- A quest is not so much planned as it is uncovered and recovered.
- I may be the hero in some measure and at some times. But many times, I am a servant and companion to others in their quest. This servant role is also part of my own quest.
- I need companions on my quest.
- There will be dangers in the quest.
- There will also be unexpected joys in my quest.
- There will be long spells of trudging. This is probably the most important part of the quest.
- There are no real shortcuts in any quest that is worthy of the name.
- Detours are also part of the quest.
- The quest changes both the questor and the world around him/her.
Of course, I may be interested in the idea of questing because I just finished reading through Tolkien’s Ring Trilogy for the umpteenth time. The idea of a quest is very ancient. Gilgamesh went on a quest for eternal life some 5,000 years ago. In the TV show “The Good Place” four sinners go on a quest to find the truly good place. Quest stories and movies and songs are all over the place.
But maybe the reason why the notion of a quest is so common in fiction is that it is so prevalent in real life. Most of us are on a quest for something: riches, honor, pleasure, meaning, power, control, we-know-not-what. The list goes on, but I won’t.
How does a person decide what is that person’s quest? I don’t know, but I intend to find out!
“No Hopeless People”
My Dear N______,
No, N______, you are most definitely not hopeless.
When I feel hopeless (as I often do), I try to remember that there is hope, and then there is the feeling of hope. They are not the same thing, as you seem to intuit, based on some things you said in your email report.
I was recently studying more deeply Ezekiel’s vision of the valley of dry bones in Ezekiel 37:1-14. The people of Judah had been taken into exile by the Babylonian Empire, and they felt hopeless. They were just a bunch of very dead, dry bones that had not even had a decent burial. They were as good as dead—or as bad as dead. Even their hope was dead.
And then, God showed up and said, “Yep, you’re dead! You got that right!”
But that wasn’t the only thing that God said. God also asked a question to the prophet: “Son of man, can these bones live again?”
And the prophet threw the question back in God’s face by saying, “LORD God, you know.” Some people regard Ezekiel’s response as showing his trust in God’s power and intentions. I don’t. I think the prophet himself sounds pretty discouraged and skeptical. Maybe that is because I myself am often discouraged and skeptical.
In any case, in Ezekiel’s vision the bones came together, were covered with skin, breath entered them again, and they stood on their feet.
I frequently think that I know how Judah felt in exile. Exile comes in all shapes and sizes. Being exiled politically is a horrible thing. Being exiled from your own family is too.
But the worst form of exile, I think, is being exiled from your better self. That is exile indeed.
However, I believe (at least in my better moments) that there is a God who shows up in my/our exile and who is not simply the God of my hope, but the God of my hopelessness. I believe that God is also the one for whom there are no hopeless people or hopeless situations. I don’t always feel that it is true, but I will not allow Hope to be held captive by my feelings. In fact, Hope can’t be held captive by anything or anyone. Hope, like love, always wins in the end.
“God’s Ultimate Rulership and Our Freedom”
Today’s post is adapted from an email I wrote to a former student. He was struggling with Calvinism and its approach to the Christian faith. I have changed my student’s name in order to protect his privacy.
My Dear David,
It is good to hear from you. You always ask really good questions that are not easy to answer. You may remember from our brief time in class at CCU (may it rest in peace), that I said, “I can answer any question that you ask, but my answer may consist of only three words: ‘I don’t know.’”
I have also struggled with Calvinism all my life. There have been times when I thought to myself, “I think the Calvinists are right.” And I still think so! At least I think they are partly right.
I believe it was Pascal who said, “Men are rarely wrong in what they affirm, but they are often mistaken in what they deny.” (I could not find the quote in Pascal, but I did find it attributed to H. Richard Niebuhr! So much for my memory. But no matter who wrote it, I believe that it is true.)
Here is the thing, David. I think that we all like simple truths, but the simple truth is that the simple truth is never simple. Truth always comes in twos—in couples, if you will. Since I assume that you are still moving toward your wedding this summer, I also assume that you can identify with the importance of the concept of couples!
Here is an analogy: in a navigable river, you will see marker buoys on both sides of the river. They mark out the channel where the ships can safely travel. Imagine a ship’s captain who decided that he must decide which buoy he should pay attention to. He would come as close to that buoy as he could. I suspect that, before long, he would likely run aground.
Calvinism, quite properly, emphasizes God’s sovereignty—the fact that, ultimately, God is in control. I also believe that this is so. If there is a God who created the universe, I suspect that such a God would have a difficult time not being in control, ultimately.
However, the word “ultimately” is crucial in what I just wrote. A God who is ultimately sovereign could still give his creatures free will. Such free will would be real, but exercised within the limits of God’s sovereignty, and such free will (and those who wield it) would ultimately be answerable to God.
The example is sometimes given of parents who want their teenage young people to clean their bedrooms. This is the will of the parents. However, the teenager can pit his/her own will against the parents’ will. And the teenager probably will.
But ultimately, since the parent is paying the mortgage on the house, there will be consequences to the teenager’s decisions. The car may not be available for a date, or the internet may not be available until the room is cleaned up a bit.
Of course, there are passages from the Bible that, when read in isolation, support either God’s ultimate sovereignty or human free will. However, my question is this: Should the Bible ever be read in isolation? You may remember that I taught you a saying which I didn’t come up with, but which I liked a lot. “Context Is Everything!” This is true of individual biblical passages, but it is also true of the Bible as a whole.
To choose either God’s sovereignty or human free will as our mantra is to take a couple who belong together and to forcibly divorce them. Very intelligent people have done such things, but this is never the way of wisdom.
I close this rather long response to your brief email with a long quote from C.S. Lewis. Lewis himself wrestled with the very question that is troubling you. I sometimes think that Lewis struggled with everything!
God created things which had free will. That means creatures which can go either wrong or right. Some people think they can imagine a creature which was free but had no possibility of going wrong; I cannot. If a thing is free to be good it is also free to be bad. And free will is what has made evil possible. Why, then, did God give them free will? Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having. A world of automata—of creatures that worked like machines—would hardly be worth creating. The happiness which God designs for His higher creatures is the happiness of being freely, voluntarily united to Him and to each other in an ecstasy of love and delight compared with which the most rapturous love between a man and a woman on earth is mere milk and water. And for that they must be free.
. . . If God thinks this state of war in the universe [i.e., the war between good and evil, D.D.] a price worth paying for free will—that is, for making a live world in which creatures can do real good or harm and something of real importance can happen, instead of a toy world which only moves when He pulls the strings—then we may take it is worth paying. (Mere Christianity, pp. 52-53)
I hope that this rather long response actually gets at what you are asking.
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