Posts in Category: down to earth believer

“Becoming Smooth Music”

I just read an excellent meditation from Hazelden Publishing’s “Thought for the Day” tab for Wednesday, September 2. The author used the metaphor of windchimes for family life together. What a wonderfully suggestive way of thinking about family!

Think about it. The individual chimes are of differing lengths and are strung in just their right place. In order for there to be music, it must be so.

However, one thing that the author didn’t point out (although it was probably in the back of her/his mind) is the fact that the individual chimes need to be smooth. Otherwise, they get tangled and no music is forthcoming.

We had a wind chime with replicas of hummingbirds hung at appropriate intervals. It looked cute. However, real hummingbirds are not smooth and rounded. So, this particular set of wind chimes produced a lot of frustrating tangles and very little music.

Naturally, I want family members and friends to be smooth and musical. But what about myself? Do I try to be agreeable and treat others in a gentle and caring manner? I am only too willing to point out the rough edges in others, but am I willing to allow my own rough edges to be sanded off?

God help me to learn how to get along well with others, this and every day. Help me to become smooth music.

 (Based on Today’s Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©1985, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation, https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/thought-for-the-day, accessed 09-02-2020.)

“The Fine Art of Timing”

Timing matters. This is true, no matter what the area under discussion. If you’ve ever had a timing belt go bad or break on a car, you know that the car won’t run very well or very long (or sometimes, at all) without a properly adjusted timing belt.

But it isn’t just in the realm of automobiles that this is true. Humor is as much about the timing of a punch line as it is about a funny joke or story. Same with music, cooking, and hitting a softball.

Timing also matters in human interactions.

For example, I am a morning person—a very early morning person. (I am writing this at 3:49 a.m. and have been up for an hour.) My wife, however, is not a morning person. Don’t get me wrong: She likes the morning. She just wishes that it could be a little later in the day.

So usually, I’ve been up for hours when the love of my life gets up. I’m ready to talk about everything in the universe by that time. She wants to ease into her day. She tries to be understanding with her chatty husband, but it ain’t easy.

When we are in close proximity with others, timing is golden. So is silence sometimes.

Perhaps I should memorize and live out a verse from the biblical book of Proverbs:

“Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice,

rising early in the morning,

will be counted as cursing.” (Proverbs 27:14, English Standard Version)

“Opening our Eyes and Recognizing the Presence of God”

When I was about six years old, my Sunday School teacher told us to bow our heads and close our eyes while she prayed. I noticed that another little boy in the class was not doing what he was supposed to be doing. Being a person who was interested in other people following the rules, I informed the teacher of this after she had finished praying. She thanked me and went on teaching. Hypocrisy and a judgmental spirit are manifested early in the life of some of us.

Since that time, I have learned that you don’t really have to close your eyes when you pray. However, many people still practice this and encourage others to do so as well.

For example, my “3-Minute Retreat” from Loyola Publishing this morning started as follows: “As you begin your retreat, pause for a few moments to turn your focus inward. Close your eyes for a moment and recognize the presence of God.” (Introduction to the “3-Minute Retreat” from Loyola press, for August 31, 2020.)

A website (“How Stuff Works,” https://people.howstuffworks.com/why-do-people-close-eyes-to-pray.htm#:~:text=For%20many%2C%20prayer%20is%20a,and%20turn%20your%20thoughts%20inward) had some helpful observations about praying with eyes closed. The author wrote,

“Why do so many people close their eyes to pray? In the Bible, there are descriptions of prayers made standing, sitting, kneeling or with arms raised, yet there aren’t any verses that insist the eyelids shut during prayer. There are, however, a number of verses that describe people praying in private, which may offer a clue. For many, prayer is a private matter, an intercession between a person and God or another higher power. Closing your eyes as you do it is a way to block out distractions and focus on the conversation. Instead of using your eyes to communicate with others, you shut them and turn your thoughts inward.”

This website goes on to point out a very important piece of background information:

“By closing your eyes during prayer, you may be continuing a ritual whose roots are steeped in history. Long ago, looking directly at a king or any ruler was considered insolent. The proper response when appearing before a ruler was to close your eyes or, if you were feeling really daring, look downward. Failing to do so could launch an unfortunate chain of events that might end with a sleepover in the dungeon or a date with the guillotine.

Adopting a deferential pose — in other words, closing your eyes — during prayer became an appropriate way to show humility, something that was especially important when asking for mercy. Today, it’s a common posture for prayers of all kinds.”

We are encouraged to “come boldly to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16) Perhaps that suggests that we don’t have to close our eyes. On the other hand, humility is always in order when we approach the holy and all-consuming fire of God’s love.

Still, there is a great deal to be said for praying and living with eyes wide open. This is certainly true if I am praying as I’m driving, but it may be a good idea in general. To pray and to live with eyes wide open, watching for God’s guidance and God’s presence is a good idea. Then too, it is good to keep my eyes open for chances to serve others.

Perhaps the best way to express our humble dependence upon God and our love for God and people is to keep our eyes peeled.

My affirmation for yesterday was as follows: “Today, by God’s grace, I will love God, people, and nature with my eyes wide open.” I hope that I have lived my affirmation well today.

“No Regrets? Not Yet.”

“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.” (Alcoholics Anonymous: The Big Book, pages 83-84)

These are wonderful promises. With some of them, I have already begun to experience their reality. Others, I think I can see from a distance.

But not regretting the past or wishing to shut the door on it? No, I do not experience that promise. I wonder why I don’t? And serenity and peace? Sometimes, yes. Often, not.

Perhaps my problem is that I don’t take seriously enough the following sentence: “No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.” The antidote to regret is using my past to benefit others.

How do I use my past—particularly those parts of the past that I would love to forget but can’t—to benefit others?  One way might be to understand some of my fellow-strugglers’ problems. One of the worst aspects of any struggle is the feeling of aloneness. If I can honestly say to someone who feels isolated and uniquely evil, “No, dear brother/sister, you are not alone,” that may help that person in and of itself. One of the services of all support and recovery groups is the awareness that we are not terminally unique.

There is a saying among us 12-steppers that “when you’re struggling in your own recovery, find someone to help who is worse off than you are.” The word “regret” may come from an Old French word that means “to bewail the dead.” If I’m using my past to help the living, that might help me not to keep on continually bewailing that past.

“My Day is Up to Me”

Sunday, August 30, 2020

I had a good day yesterday. Relatively free of negative, destructive thinking and depression. I got a lot done, both around the house and yard, and in my academic/literary work. There is no reason that today cannot be a good day as well.

Of course, bad things can and do happen, even tragic things. But on most days, my happiness and sense of accomplishment are up to me. What will I do with this day? Will I love my wife and our little dog the very best that I can? Will I work hard and rest easy? Will I exercise my gratitude? Will I exercise my body and mind? Will I love my friends? Will I love my enemies? Will I obey God?

The answers to these vital life-questions cannot be answered by a journal entry or a blog post. They can only be answered by the living I do.

In the Church of England liturgy, which I dearly love, toward the end of most of the morning services that I attended were the words “The night has passed, and the day lies open before us; let us pray with one heart and mind.  . . .  As we rejoice in the gift of this new day, so may the light of your presence, O God, set our hearts on fire with love for you; now and forever.”

The day lies open before me, before you, before us. Let’s pray and let God set our hearts on fire with love!

“Unwelcome Thoughts: Rent-Free ‘Renters’ or Hostage-Takers?”

I frequently have thoughts that I do not welcome. I’m probably all alone in this.

Yes, you are right. I am being ironic in my statement about being alone in this regard. If you told me that you never had any thoughts that were not entirely welcome—and if I believed you—I would be strongly tempted to worship you. However, I would be more likely to think that you were lying.

We all have thoughts of various kinds. Some are good; some are not. Some of the thoughts that I sometimes struggle with are lustful thoughts, fearful thoughts, resentful thoughts envying thoughts, self-pitying thoughts—the list goes on and on. These may be passing thoughts, and that is usually no big deal. However, when they overstay their welcome, that is a problem. Sometimes, they even take up residence. That is a huge problem.

A friend of mine sometimes says that he doesn’t want to give rent-free space to certain voices and thoughts. Such non-paying “renters” need to hit the road. There is no government-mandated moratorium on such evictions. In fact, my sponsor advised me that I serve an eviction notice to these unwelcome freeloaders. Yes!

Here is the problem: These unwelcome thoughts may come as guests, but before long, they become hostage-takers. They aren’t content to stay in a closet or the guest bedroom. They commandeer the entire house. They commandeer me.

Prayer helps. Sometimes other people can help. But ultimately, I myself have to evict these thoughts. The sooner the better!

Sometimes I say to certain thoughs out loud, “No, my mind is not for rent! Besides, you don’t have a very good credit rating.”

Of course, these non-paying “renters” will come back, whining that “this time it will be different.” But it never is. I need to say what a woman said to Ray Charles in a song a long time ago: “Hit the road Jack, and don’t ya come back no more, no more, no more, no more!”

“When You’re Depressed, Part 2”

I continue to wrestle with depression, but don’t worry: I will not be making this the subject of every blog post. Life is too short for that.

However, I neglected to mention a couple of crucial things that help when I’m depressed: gratitude and my dog.

Gratitude is not being thankful when I feel like it. If it were, how could I be thankful when I’m depressed? Rather, gratitude is thanking other people, God, the universe—even myself—as an act of the will.

I added the words “even myself” to the preceding sentence almost without intending to. I had never thought of the possibility of being thankful to myself.

Huh!

I can make my gratitude list, just as I usually do. Who can stop me? I can will thankfulness and express thankfulness, even when I don’t feel thankful.

Excuse me while I make a list of at least 50 things for which I’m thankful.

. . .

There!

And the other helpful thing isn’t a thing. It’s our little dog. She is eight pounds of love and devotion. Her loving and accepting spirit is a better witness to God’s love and acceptance than most people are.

Laylah loves to come upstairs with me to my work area. Sometimes, she wants to explore. But increasingly, she just comes up with me, curls up in my recliner (which is right next to my desk), and goes to sleep. Apparently, my nearness is enough for her.

Thank you, God, for Laylah!

Hey! I combined both themes for today’s anti-depression assault into one short, grateful sentence. Thank you, self!

“What I Do When I’m Depressed”

I have been struggling with some depression for the past several days. Fortunately (or is it unfortunate?), I have struggled with depression before. So, I have a good idea what doesn’t work, and what does.

Things that Don’t Work

  • Denying that I am depressed.
  • Struggling not to be depressed.
  • Judging myself and beating myself up for feeling depressed.
  • Wallowing in the depression.
  • Taking shortcuts of any kind to make myself feel better. (Food, computer games, fantasies of various kinds, and spending too much time in bed are all shortcuts that don’t go anywhere good, and certainly don’t help relieve the depression—at least, not for long.)
  • Asking myself how long this is going to last.

What Does Work

  • Eating regular, nutritious meals even when I don’t feel like it.
  • Exercising even when I don’t want to exercise.
  • Doing chores around the house, gardens, and yard.
  • Writing.
  • Praying.
  • Spending time outside in nature.
  • Music (but not The Doors or Pink Floyd when I am depressed).
  • Doing the next right thing.
  • Serving someone else.
  • Talking with friends.
  • Reading something uplifting.
  • Listening to uplifting podcasts.
  • Remembering that this depression won’t last forever.
  • Going back to a counselor, if need be.
  • Going back on medication, if need be.

The last two things (counselor and medication) are not put last because they are the least important. I put them last in order to remind myself to try all the other things I’ve listed first.

Oh! One more thing that works!

  • Journaling and posting some musings about what works when I’m depressed.

“Pathological Optimism”

A friend of mine and I were on a phone call yesterday. We were talking about covid-19 deniers. He used a phrase that I had never heard before. I’m not sure if he came up with it, but whoever did, my gratitude to you! My friend (who is a psychologist) said that he thought there is a condition that ought to be called “pathological optimism.” Perhaps in some cases, covid-19 deniers are pathologically optimistic.

Now, I don’t think that my friend was saying that all optimism is a bad thing, but I do think he is on to something. And here is the thing: We are probably all covid-19 deniers at times. How many times have I said since this all began, “This just doesn’t seem real!” Truth is, I don’t want it to be real. How far is that, really, from denial and pathological optimism?

And what about when I “forget” to wear my mask in public, as I often do? Am I really forgetting, or am I being pathologically optimistic?

Furthermore, I tend to set myself up for deeper pathology by little pathologies. For example, I routinely try to accomplish in a day or an hour or a minute, more than any normal or super-normal person can accomplish. What is that, except pathological optimism?

Now again, optimism itself is not an inherently bad thing. A positive attitude toward life is healthy. But, as with all healthy things, even positivity can become deadly when it is pushed to the extreme.

So, what is the antidote to pathological optimism? There isn’t any antidote. What there is, I think, is a whole series of consistent, life-style decisions. Let me list the decisions I need to make consistently as affirmations:

  • I am taking the problems seriously.
  • I am taking the problems underneath the problems seriously.
  • I am doing lots of worst-case scenarios, and then asking myself, “What can I do to make things slightly better?”
  • I am refusing to think that things will just magically get better.
  • I am trusting a God who is bigger than my best and worst optimisms and pessimisms, and can forgive me for both.

I put the most important affirmation last.

“Envy and the Nearness of God”

“But for me it is good to be near God;

I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,

that I may tell of all your works.” (Psalm 73:28, English Standard Version)

Have you ever felt envious of someone or something else? If not, you should take your pulse—right now! You’re probably dead. To be human is to see someone else with something (or someone) that you want.

You see this with very small children. No matter how many toys a small child has, he/she is likely to want the one toy they don’t have. And, of course, envy is not something we grow out of naturally. In fact, it seems to get worse as we get older. Speaking from the standpoint of an elderly man, I can tell you that old age doesn’t help. I envy the young their youth.

In Psalm 73, the psalmist begins with the words, “Truly God is good to Israel,

to those who are pure in heart.”

That sounds like an encouraging start! But immediately, the psalmist confesses how close he came to being anything but pure in heart. What was his big problem? Murder? Adultery? Stealing? No, he was envious of the wicked.

We might tend to think that envy is no big deal. It appears that God’s Word does not agree with our evaluation of envy. The medieval theologians were right when they described envy as one of the seven deadly sins.

The psalmist says,

2          But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled,

                        my steps had nearly slipped.

3          For I was envious of the arrogant

                        when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

Psa. 73:4         For they have no pangs until death;

                        their bodies are fat and sleek.

5          They are not in trouble as others are;

                        they are not stricken like the rest of mankind.

6          Therefore pride is their necklace;

                        violence covers them as a garment.

7          Their eyes swell out through fatness;

                        their hearts overflow with follies.

8          They scoff and speak with malice;

                        loftily they threaten oppression.

9          They set their mouths against the heavens,

                        and their tongue struts through the earth.

10        Therefore his people turn back to them,

                        and find no fault in them.

11        And they say, “How can God know?

                        Is there knowledge in the Most High?”

12        Behold, these are the wicked;

                        always at ease, they increase in riches.

13        All in vain have I kept my heart clean

                        and washed my hands in innocence.

14        For all the day long I have been stricken

                        and rebuked every morning.”

But then, the psalmist realizes how serious his envy of the wicked is.

15        “If I had said, “I will speak thus,”

                        I would have betrayed the generation of your children.

Apparently, envy is (among other things) a betrayal of God’s children. How so? The psalmist doesn’t say. However, I can think of at least two ways in which envy is a betrayal of God’s children.

First, envy ignores the fact that God provides his children with what they truly need. Second, envy is as contagious and deadly as any modern virus. If I am being an envious person, I tend to infect everyone with whom I come into contact with the desire for something that does not pertain to them.

The psalmist couldn’t understand the ultimate fate of the wicked until he went to the sanctuary to worship. Then he realized that the prosperity of the wicked was incredibly temporary.

Psa. 73:16       “But when I thought how to understand this,

                        it seemed to me a wearisome task,

17        until I went into the sanctuary of God;

                        then I discerned their end.

Psa. 73:18       Truly you set them in slippery places;

                        you make them fall to ruin.

19        How they are destroyed in a moment,

                        swept away utterly by terrors!

20        Like a dream when one awakes,

                        O Lord, when you rouse yourself, you despise them as phantoms.

21        When my soul was embittered,

                        when I was pricked in heart,

22        I was brutish and ignorant;

                        I was like a beast toward you.

Psa. 73:23       Nevertheless, I am continually with you;

                        you hold my right hand.

24        You guide me with your counsel,

                        and afterward you will receive me to glory.

25        Whom have I in heaven but you?

                        And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

26        My flesh and my heart may fail,

                        but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psa. 73:27       For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;

                        you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.

28        But for me it is good to be near God;

                        I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,

                        that I may tell of all your works.”

I am especially struck by the last verse of this psalm. The psalmist began with an affirmation of God’s goodness, but then envy got in the way and nearly derailed him. But then, he realized how temporary and fragile the riches and power of the wicked really are. Finally, the psalmist states that “But as for me, the nearness of the Lord God is my good.”

As someone has said, “When God is all you’ve got, you discover that God is all you need.”

Follow on Feedly