Posts Tagged: delayed gratification

“Morality and Feeling Good After”

On May 15, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“What is moral is what you feel good after.”
  —Ernest Hemingway

Hemingway had a reputation as a hard-drinking man who liked the ladies.  Sometimes, it is the people who struggle the most, and who are don’t always win, who know and say what is real.  No matter what you or I or anyone thinks of Hemingway, he has captured a very important principle in a very few words.

A good question to ask ourselves before we say or do anything is this: “How am I going to feel about this word or action in fifteen years, fifteen days, fifteen minutes, or fifteen seconds?”  You might call this “the fifteen questions.”  Of course, there are two tricky things about these questions.

The first trick is to answer them honestly.  Yes, my wife made me some bread pudding.  But should I really have two small pieces—or one big one?  Yes, I could binge on Netflix, but how am I going to feel about that afterwards?  Could I say something clever (but cutting) to my sweetheart?  Sure.  But am I going to regret it in less than fifteen seconds?

The second trick about asking “the fifteen questions” is even more difficult, because it is an actional question: “What am I going to actually do in response to the questions?  Telling myself the truth is essential, but not sufficient.  You would think that, once I’ve decided that I am not going to feel good after making a certain decision, I would have the good sense not to make that decision.  You would think.  And often, you would be wrong.

Robert Fulghum has a wonderful book titled It was on Fire When I Lay Down on It.”  In the brief musing that gives the title to the book, Fulghum acknowledges his very human tendency to know that something or someone is trouble, but not to avoid that trouble.  Fulghum is not alone.

Well, I am going to feel better if I post this on my website, and eat some good, nutritious (and tasty) bean soup.  Then, I’ll have a wee bit of bread pudding, and go out and mow the lawn and clean the gutters.  (Thanks for the bread pudding, Babe!  You’re the best!)

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“AFRAID THAT I’LL MISS OUT”

On August 3, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Snickers candy bars are calling me.

My wife and I are having a nice getaway at a B & B, and there are all kinds of snack foods, available for free—including Snickers candy bars, which I love.

Eating a bunch of candy and other junk food would be easy and fun, but I am trying to cut back on my consumption of calories and cholesterol.

Perhaps I need to ask myself a question.  It may seem a bit strange, but let me come at this in a roundabout manner.

When I am angry, I have learned to ask a simple question: What am I really afraid of here?

Why do I ask about fear when I’m feeling angry?  Because I’ve noticed that my fear often disguises itself as anger.  Especially for men, anger is preferable to fear—or so we think.

But then there are also fears that can masquerade as desires.  Perhaps the same question that I ask when I feel angry should be asked when I feel desire: What am I really afraid of here?

Since I was a boy, I’ve loved sweets.  When they were available, I would gobble them up as fast as I could.  You may say, “Well, little boys are like that.”

Perhaps.  But I’m an adult now, and I still tend to do that.  One of my wife’s favorite questions to ask me is “What happened to the ______________?”  (The blank could be ice cream or pie or any other sweet.)  Like God, she already knows the answer before she asks the question.

So, what am I afraid of that tends to drive me to eat the wrong stuff, to eat too much, to eat too fast?

One way to answer the question is to say that I am afraid that I will miss out on something good.  I have a zest for life.  That is good.  But a zest for life is one thing, a lust for life is another.  Of course I know, in my heart of hearts, that too much of something good ain’t good.  Still, there it is.

What would happen if I told myself another story?  What if I told myself that less is more, that deferred gratification is so much more pleasurable than immediate gratification is?  Perhaps I wouldn’t even need to believe this truth at first.  Perhaps I could just keep telling myself this, not because I believe it, but because it is the truth.

Meanwhile, the Snickers bars are still calling, but their voice is a bit fainter.  Maybe later!

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