Posts Tagged: nightmares

“Nightmares & Morning Chickens”

On April 6, 2020 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I have fat, clumsy fingers.  So, it was with great joy that I discovered that I can dictate texts on my smart phone.  Maybe that’s why they call them “smart phones.”

However, I’m discovering that my pronunciation is not always up to snuff.  For example . . .

Yesterday morning, a 12-step friend and I were exchanging morning check-in texts.  I replied to his text that “I cherish these morning check-ins.”  At least, that is what I intended to dictate.  However, my smart-but-not-quite-smart-enough phone heard it as “I cherish these morning chickens.”

I’ve learned to read my texts before I send them.  Sometimes, I even remember to do that.  This time I remembered, but decided to send it the way it was, with a follow-up sentence that said what I really meant to say.  Humor is scarcer than toilet paper these days, and just as important.

The expression “morning chickens” took me back to my childhood growing up on the farm.  When I was little, we still kept chickens.  My job was to gather the eggs morning and evening.  I loved doing this, especially in the morning.  Mom went with me, until I was ready to fly solo.  The chickens were allowed freedom of movement, so it was great fun to hunt for the eggs.  Some of the hens lay their eggs in predictable places, and some hens were full of surprises—as well as eggs.

Morning check-ins are important for addicts.  Perhaps they are important for everyone, whether or not they are addicts.  But morning chickens matter too.  And memories of little childhood delights matter even more.  Even at a time when we realize how fragile life is, how fragile it always was.  Even when we aren’t sleeping well, and wake up to find ourselves in the middle of a nightmare.  Especially then.  I speak from experience.  I tossed and turned all night, and was plagued by nightmares.  I love early mornings, but I don’t love them this much.  In other words, it’s early, even for me.

But even in the midst of nightmares and restlessness, there are things for which to be profoundly grateful.

  • Friends who hold themselves accountable to me.
  • Friends who hold me accountable.
  • Funny stuff you didn’t intend.
  • Good memories of morning chickens.
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“OF NIGHTMARES, PRIORITIES, AND SELF-WORTH”

On July 4, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

I have had two dreams on successive nights, which seem to have the same theme: me trying to do too much.

On Sunday night, I dreamt that I was working at Bob Evans.  We were pretty busy.  I had three or four booths/tables that I hadn’t even acknowledged.  A fellow-server wanted to go to her apartment to pick something up she needed.  “My apartment is nearby,” she said.  So, I acknowledged my tables and told them I would be with them as soon as possible.

However, the young lady’s apartment seemed to be pretty far away, and I began wondering why on earth I had agreed to go.  What was I thinking!  Customers would get mad and leave.  I would be fired.  WHAT WAS I THINKING!!

Finally, I said to myself, “This is a dream within a dream, and I’m waking up!”

And I did.

Last night, I dreamed that I was at a restaurant (Frisch’s in Bellevue??) having breakfast after our twelve-step meeting.  We had ordered, but I left to take care of something, which of course took longer than I had thought it would take.  When I finally got back, my food was cold, and some of the guys were getting up to leave.

So much for dreams!  It occurred to me today that these dreams might mean something important.

Since I was little, I’ve been trying to pack too much into my available time.  I remember playing, knowing that I had to go to the bathroom.  I would keep on playing until . . . well, let’s just say that I didn’t always make it to the outhouse.  This was not when I was two or even three.  This was when I was five, and maybe older.

I don’t (usually) struggle with putting off going to the necessary room any more.  This is good!  However, I do tend to try to pack too much into life.  Why do I do this?  More importantly, how can I stop doing this?

God, I am asking You these questions.  I figure you are more likely to know the answers than I am.

And here is what I think God might be saying to me:

“Child, you are afraid you are going to miss something.  And, of course, you are!  How could it be otherwise?  Be content to miss some things!

“Also, you are confused about the source of your worth.  You think that the more you do, the more you are.  This is simply not true.  Your source of worth is Me: my creation of you and my redemption of you.

“As to how you stop behaving in this manner, there are two things you can do.  First, you can ask me what my priorities are for you.  Second, you can ask me to keep you on track throughout the day and throughout your days.”

POSTSCRIPT:

I called work to verify that I was scheduled to go in to Bob Evans at 4:30.  However, the manager asked me if I could possibly come in at 2:00?  I said yes.  About fifteen minutes later, it occurred to me that I didn’t ask God first.

This is going to be harder than I thought!

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