“Resentment: Creeping Charlie of the Heart: Overcoming Resentment, Part 2”
My post yesterday dealt with resentment and how to overcome it. However, I am discovering just how deep the roots go, and how wide this obnoxious plant called “resentment” goes in me. Resentment relates to my emotional state very much like creeping charlie relates to my yard. Resentment stays low, spreads rapidly from the roots, and chokes out everything but itself.
For example, . . .
Last night, I was waiting tables at Frisch’s. We weren’t very busy, so I was cut from the servers’ map early. No problem there: Get your side work done, and go home to your sweetheart, I said to myself!
However, we got a slight late “hit” of customers. I was rolling silverware, the last thing I had to do before I clocked out.
Two gentlemen were standing, waiting to be seated. I kept thinking to myself that someone should greet and seat them. Of course, I was someone. However, I said to myself that someone else who was still on the servers’ map could seat them. The guys eventually walked out. I felt bad, but it was only later that I realized that this was yet another manifestation of resentment. I resented being cut early, resented helping my fellow-servers make some more money for themselves. I was wrong. No excuse.
I read a brief, but helpful, article about resentment. It had a wonderful quote. Here it is, along with a link to the whole article.
“Resentment is the cheapest and least legitimate form of anger. It is all emotion and no strength” (https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-resentment.html, accessed 04-21-2017. The entire article is short and helpful.).
Here are a few other quotable quotes that I found helpful in fostering and focusing my desire to overcome resentment. They are all from this very fine internet site: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/resentment, accessed 04-21-2017.
“As smoking is to the lungs, so is resentment to the soul; even one puff is bad for you.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert
“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
― Carrie Fisher
“They all laughed when I said I’d become a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.”
― Bob Monkhouse, Crying With Laughter: My Life Story
“With each opportunity before me, God presented me with a choice. I could accept His offerings, His wisdom, His grace. Or I could choose to hold onto the pain, the anger and the resentment a little longer.”
― Sharon E. Rainey, Making a Pearl from the Grit of Life
“At the heart of all anger, all grudges, and all resentment, you’ll always find a fear that hopes to stay anonymous.”
― Donald L. Hicks, Look into the stillness
Well, that is enough for now. There’s a lot more wisdom in those quotes than I’ve lived out. And foolishness is wisdom that is not being lived out. (I think that’s original, so it probably isn’t.)
What sayings or methods have proven helpful to you in your own personal battle against resentment?
Overcoming Resentment, Part 1
I’ve been struggling with resentment here of late. I’ve been especially resentful toward my own past self, but resentment is like a raging river: it doesn’t respect any banks. When I allow resentment to build, even resentment toward myself, it will soon be resentment toward everyone and everything.
So, I did what all modern, spiritual people do: I googled resentment! I typed the question, “What is resentment, and what is wrong with it?”
My first hit was a strike-out. The title (10 Steps to Letting Go of Resentment | Psychology Today) sounded good, but when I went to https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-therapist-is-in/201103/10-steps-letting-go-resentment, I was informed of the following:
“Access Denied
You are not authorized to access this page.”
I was starting to feel resentment toward Psychology Today, when I realized that, perhaps this was simply indicating that I really did need some help. I decided to go to another site. I’m glad that I did!
I am unabashed Christian, but I go to many sources for help, including to Buddhists. I just discovered a helpful site: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-powerful-tips-to-reduce-resentment-and-feel-happier/, (accessed 04-20-2017). The rest of this blog will make more sense if you follow the link, and read the article. It is simple, yet profound.
So, for the next fourteen days, I plan to actually pray (out loud, as much as possible) for anyone against whom I am inclined to hold resentments. That would include my own fool self. I will ask God to give them/me happiness and blessings.
Care to join me? There’s plenty of room in this anti-resentment coalition. It isn’t crowded at all!
Moods Leave when I Kick them Out!
I was in a bad mood. The reasons (can I even call them reasons??) are not important. Moods rarely, if ever have reasons. They do, however, have consequences. My mood compromised my ability to fully appreciate worship, my wife, the lovely weather, and everything else in the universe.
One of the things that helped me greatly was a quote from Oswald Chambers (I believe, from his book, My Utmost for His Highest). I have italicized (thus, emphasis mine) the section that especially spoke to me.
“In your patience possess ye your souls. — Luke 21:19
When a man is born again, there is not the same robustness in his thinking or reasoning for a time as formerly. We have to make an expression of the new life, to form the mind of Christ. “Acquire your soul with patience” (rv). Many of us prefer to stay at the threshold of the Christian life instead of going on to construct a soul in accordance with the new life God has put within. We fail because we are ignorant of the way we are made, we put things down to the devil instead of our own undisciplined natures. Think what we can be when we are roused!
There are certain things we must not pray about — moods, for instance. Moods never go by praying, moods go by kicking. A mood nearly always has its seat in the physical condition, not in the moral. It is a continual effort not to listen to the moods which arise from a physical condition; never submit to them for a second. We have to take ourselves by the scruff of the neck and shake ourselves, and we will find that we can do what we said we could not. The curse with most of us is that we won’t. The Christian life is one of incarnate spiritual pluck.”
Are you like me? Do you need to do some mood-kicking?
“THE EVERY-WHERE-NESS OF GOD”
“No atomic particle is so small that God is not fully present to it, and no galaxy so vast that God does not circumscribe it. No space is without the divine presence. God is in touch with every part of creation. God cannot be excluded from any location or object in creation . . .” (Thomas C. Oden, The Living God, p. 67, italics mine).
All of us addicts know that craving for a fix is not simply a mental or spiritual problem. It is certainly that, but it is more: Addictions enslave us, even at the molecular level. Every cell in our body cries out for the substance or activity to which we are addicted. This is true, no matter what our addiction.
Researchers are beginning to see this more clearly as well. Addicts have always known it—at least, those of us who have experienced some measure of sanity. Until I had acknowledged my addiction and had some success in recovering from it, I had no clue how powerful the addiction was. You only know the power of your enemy when you seek to resist him.
However, an ancient observation about God comforted me and challenged me greatly the other day: God is everywhere at the same time. There is no place, large or small, distant to us or near us, where God is not present all the time.
God is present in every cell that craves something that feels good, but isn’t good. God is just as present in the cells of my body as God is present in the most distant galaxy.
“7 I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night–
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous– how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.” (Psalm 139:7-15, New Living Translation. Italics in the quoted verses is my own.)
However, is God’s omnipresence good news or bad news?
That depends on whether God is really good and has our best interest in God’s mind and heart. I believe that goodness is indeed the way God is. However, I freely admit that this is a statement of faith, and that there is plenty of evidence that would suggest that there is either an evil god or no god at all.
I have a friend who is a very fine friend and a very fine artist. He gave me one of his pieces that I like a lot. It is a small block of wood with a canvas stretched out on it. It is entirely black—except for one very tiny point of light. He calls the piece “Hope.”
Frequently, I seem to be able to see only the darkness. Sometimes, I can see the point of light, but it seems way too small to make any difference.
But once in a while, I see more. I see hope. Perhaps the presence of a good God everywhere, even at the cellular level, is a point of light in the darkness, a beacon of hope.
“HUMILITY, SCHOLARSHIP AND THE PATH OF OUR CONTRIBUTIONS”
“HUMILITY, SCHOLARSHIP AND THE PATH OF OUR CONTRIBUTIONS”
“The enemy of the best is the good.” (Jerry Rice and/or Stephen Covey?)
“The enemy of the best and the good is perfectionism.” (Down To Earth Believer)
I had a good day yesterday. I went to a twelve-step meeting, and then hit all three of “my” libraries—CCU, HUC, and the Athenaeum Library at St. Mary’s. Lots of good bibliographic material on Paul’s use of Scripture, Habakkuk, and Romans 1:17! In fact, too much material!
When I was in high school and just beginning to do (more or less) academic papers, I would get several books on whatever topic I was working on, but it was never enough. I would read the books—or at least parts of them. Then I (and my long-suffering Mom) would be up all night putting the paper together the night before it was due. How she put up with me is more than I will ever know.
Research is good. Checking to see what others have said on a given topic is important. However, in my case, this necessary research is out of control, like a resistant mold.
And where does this lust for more resources come from? It comes from my feeling that I really have nothing worthwhile to contribute to the discussion. But, of course, I can point you in the direction of some worthwhile contributions.
So, what is the alternative? To do no research? To just wing it, and say what I think I ought to say?
Perhaps not. Perhaps the right path is the path that threads the needle between two deep ravines. On the one hand, there is overconfidence in my own contributions to the knowledge of God’s Word. In order to avoid falling into this ravine, I do need to do research. My contributions, in order to be good contributions, need to be at least somewhat aware of the contributions of others.
However, the ravine I’m more likely to fall into is the “I-haven’t-read-all-the-relevant-materials-so-how-can-I-possibly-make-a-contribution” ravine. If I am to avoid falling into this error, I need to be humble enough to admit that I will never know “enough.” (For me, “enough” means everything.)
Ironically, humility is the antidote to both of these errors, because (ironically) both of these deep ravines are a result of pride. If I think that I can make a worthwhile contribution without consulting others, that is a complacent form of pride. However, complacent pride is still pride.
And if I think that I have nothing of my own to say, that is a form of false humility. And false humility is just pride that disguises itself in rags of its own making.
So, today, by the grace of God, I will read some of the contributions of others to the topic of my scholarly paper. But I will also write down what I think. I will let humility keep me on the path that I need to travel today.
What about you? You may not be a scholar. That is good! If we were all scholars, we would all starve to death. Those of us who are scholars have our own contributions to make. They are neither more nor less important than the contributions of others. But, in what ways can you value the contributions of others, while at the same time valuing and making your own contributions? I dare you to be humble enough to walk that path!
I double-dog dare you!!
“SEVEN DAYS TO JUDGMENT”
“8 Elah son of Baasha began to rule over Israel in the twenty-sixth year of King Asa’s reign in Judah. He reigned in the city of Tirzah for two years.
9 Then Zimri, who commanded half of the royal chariots, made plans to kill him. One day in Tirzah, Elah was getting drunk at the home of Arza, the supervisor of the palace.
10 Zimri walked in and struck him down and killed him. This happened in the twenty-seventh year of King Asa’s reign in Judah. Then Zimri became the next king.
11 Zimri immediately killed the entire royal family of Baasha, leaving him not even a single male child. He even destroyed distant relatives and friends.
12 So Zimri destroyed the dynasty of Baasha as the LORD had promised through the prophet Jehu.
13 This happened because of all the sins Baasha and his son Elah had committed, and because of the sins they led Israel to commit. They provoked the anger of the LORD, the God of Israel, with their worthless idols.
14 The rest of the events in Elah’s reign and everything he did are recorded in The Book of the History of the Kings of Israel.
15 Zimri began to rule over Israel in the twenty-seventh year of King Asa’s reign in Judah, but his reign in Tirzah lasted only seven days. The army of Israel was then attacking the Philistine town of Gibbethon.
16 When they heard that Zimri had committed treason and had assassinated the king, that very day they chose Omri, commander of the army, as the new king of Israel.
17 So Omri led the entire army of Israel up from Gibbethon to attack Tirzah, Israel’s capital.
18 When Zimri saw that the city had been taken, he went into the citadel of the palace and burned it down over himself and died in the flames.
19 For he, too, had done what was evil in the LORD’s sight. He followed the example of Jeroboam in all the sins he had committed and led Israel to commit.
20 The rest of the events in Zimri’s reign and his conspiracy are recorded in The Book of the History of the Kings of Israel.”
In my daily Bible reading, I am slogging through a dismal section of 1 Kings, in which there is more sin and palace intrigue than you can encounter in an afternoon soap opera. It is not an encouraging section of the Bible. It is too realistic to be encouraging.
Evaluations are given to each of the kings, but these evaluations are rarely positive. A corrupt king follows a corrupt king, who follows a corrupt king, who . . . Well, you get the picture.
Zimri had assassinated Elah, who had reigned only two years. However, Zimri’s reign was somewhat shorter. He reigned for seven days.
Seven days isn’t a lot of time. Yet the narrator of 1 Kings sums up Zimri’s reign in verses 18 and 19 as follows: “. . . [He] died in the flames. For he, too, had done what was evil in the LORD’s sight. He followed the example of Jeroboam in all the sins he had committed and led Israel to commit.”
It would appear that “God’s summarizer” (the narrator) can pronounce God’s judgment on even a seven-day reign.
I decided to pause and think about this a moment. I’m glad that I did pause. It is early Monday morning, the beginning of my work week.
I asked myself an uncomfortable question: What would be God’s evaluation of me, based on my upcoming week?
And then, I asked myself an even more uncomfortable question: How should I live this week, this day, this hour, so that I will have a shot at a good evaluation?
Ouch!
So, what are my basic goals for the week, in light of the fact that I believe in an Evaluator with a capital “E”? How will I live, so that, if God had only this week to go on, God could give me a good evaluation?
I suppose that I ought to put God first. If there is such a being in and beyond the universe, that might be rather important.
Then too, there is loving other people—even (especially?) those who are difficult to love. After all, they probably need more love than other people.
There is also the matter of denying my worse self and cultivating my better self.
In many ways, my seven-day evaluation would boil down to this: Am I making good decisions moment by moment.
I am not the king of Israel, but I am the ruler of my moments. By God’s grace, perhaps I can rule them well.
“LIVING FOR THE MOMENT OR IN THE MOMENT?
My daily affirmation for today is as follows: “Today, by the grace of God, I will focus on the good stuff about God, other people, the world, and myself.”
When I sent my sponsor this affirmation, he commented, “My attention for your affirmation is focus. To me it means living in the moment.”
I replied, “Dear ______,
That is a very good point.
Living only for the moment has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past, and the results of such living persist to this day.
However, living in the moment is a very good thing.
Prepositions matter! (I think I feel a blog post coming on! Or, perhaps it’s just the flu.)”
Of course, I may be splitting grammatical/lexical hairs here. However, I don’t think so. Here is how I would differentiate between “living only for the moment” from “living in the moment.”
Living only for the moment is another way of speaking of “instant gratification.” And instant gratification doesn’t particularly gratify anyone in the long haul. This kind of “living in the moment” means manipulating other people and reality for my own short-term enjoyment. Such short-term enjoyment obviously feels good “in the moment.” If it did not, who would ever engage in it? However, the enjoyment is very short-lived.
But this form of living “for the moment” has huge long-term costs. It harms other people, and leaves an empty place in my own heart—an empty place that I try to fill by the very short-sighted, immediately gratifying attitudes and actions that created that empty place in the first place.
And voila! An addiction is born and nurtured!
Living in the moment creatively is another matter altogether. Living in the moment in this sense means experiencing the present in an open and caring manner. It means cherishing (or at least enduring) the moments as they unfold. It does not mean ripping present moments out of their larger context of relationships and future plans. Rather, this kind of holy “living in the moment” means enjoying the moments as the good gifts God has given to us.
So, for today, moment by moment, am I going to live only for the moment, or am I going to live in the moment?
And how about you?
First Things Second
No doubt you have heard—and probably said—“First things first!”
But it’s terribly easy to get off the path we know we ought to be traveling. Suddenly, first things can become second.
Consider, for example, the story of Solomon and his building projects. I was reading this account just this morning during my devotional time. I was stopped in my tracks by the very first verse I read.
“It took Solomon thirteen years, however, to complete the construction of his palace.” (1 Kings 7:1, NIV )
“Where on earth did the translators get the word “however” in this text?” I asked myself.
I wouldn’t say that I know Hebrew super-well, but I do know that verses are usually strung together with a simple waw. This Hebrew conjunction can often be translated “and,” but translators do often need to try another word to translate this Hebrew word.
Sure enough, it was a waw at the beginning of this word. So, how on earth did the translators decide on “however”? I decided to have a closer look. I’m glad that I did!
The translators were apparently going on word order. Hebrew word order is flexible, but generally, Hebrew prefers a verb-subject-object order. “Dog bites man,” is the English/American word order. The “normal” word order in Hebrew is “Bites dog man.” If you put the object of the verb (“man” in this simple example) first, it is usually done in order to emphasize the object.
The Hebrew word order in 1 Kings 7:1 may be translated literally as follows: “His (i.e., Solomon’s) house built Solomon.”
In other words, it is emphasized that Solomon’s own palace took thirteen years to complete, whereas the Temple of the LORD had taken only 7 years to build—a fact that had just been mentioned in the preceding verse.
Of course, this does not necessarily mean that his own palace was more important than the Temple. Perhaps Solomon had even more workmen building the Temple than he had working on his palace. Perhaps. Perhaps.
However, two things make me wonder. The first is that Solomon’s palace was much larger than the Temple. Why? To accommodate all the offices and officials who would serve Solomon? To accommodate Solomon’s wives? Or there is another possibility: Did Solomon want his house, the palace, to be the biggest, most impressive building in Jerusalem?
A second thing makes me wonder. Why is it that the narratives about the furnishings of the Temple and the dedication of the Temple come only after the report of Solomon building his palace? Admittedly, Hebrew writers did not always proceed chronologically, but this literary positioning is intriguing. Might it suggest that the building of the Temple was interrupted so that Solomon could build his own palace?
Well, all of this is interesting, but by no means without doubt. But there is another thing that is surely beyond doubt: Sometimes we all get our priorities out of order. We major on minors, and minor on majors. I had a friend who said years ago, “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.” True that!
If God comes first, everything else will fall into its proper place—or it will fall out entirely, if it needs to. I frequently willfully forget this.
Right now, I teach as an adjunct at a Christian institution, I teach a Hebrew class, I wait tables at two different restaurants, I try to be active in my church, attempt to be a good househusband, I blog, and am trying to find time to write a book.
Too often, I don’t ask myself a crucial question: What would most honor God right now? I don’t ask the question, in part, because I don’t want to hear the answer.
If God were writing the story of my life (and maybe He is), would he chronicle what I had done to honor Him? But would God have to insert a “however,” indicating that I had been primarily interested in building my own palace?
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