“SOME REMINDERS TO MYSELF”
Sometimes, I need to remind myself of what is real. Here is something I wrote in my journal some time ago.
“Reminders to myself:
Thou shalt not look over the edge, lest thou fall over the edge.
Thou shalt do what thou shouldst, and not what thou wantest.
Thou shalt be grateful for what thou hast.
Thou shalt not be desirous of what thou hast not.
Thou shalt remember that thou hast been created by God the Father, bought with the blood of Jesus, and sealed by the Holy Spirit.
Thou shalt not commit lightly, but shall keep all your commitments.
Thou shalt think of the long-term consequences of thy thoughts, words, and actions, and not just immediate pleasures.
Thou shalt consider that thou hast already created enough pain for thyself and others.”
Of course, I could add a great many more of these. Here are three, which may actually contain all the others:
Thou shalt remember that you are not God, that God is God, and that this is very good indeed!
“EMOTIONAL HOARDERS”
Are you a hoarder? I am, though I don’t often admit it. Of course, I need to hold on to plastic Wal-Mart bags! After all, I sometimes take the dog for a walk, and she has to . . . Well, you get the picture.
Of course, there is a difference between hoarding and collecting. Or is there? Perhaps collectors are just organized hoarders. I remember once visiting “House on the Rock” near Spring Green, Wisconsin. It’s a very strange place. It was built (yes, on a rock) to be a retreat. However, the original owner and subsequent owners have filled the huge house with collections of all kinds. I left there with sensory overload and a splitting headache, and said to my wife, “Whoa! What did we just see?”
We, as a society, are hoarders. Think of the explosive growth of the storage unit business. The first self-storage units were built in the 1960’s. Now, there are enough of them to cover as much space as three Manhattan Islands!
But there is more than one variety of hoarder. There are emotional hoarders. There are people who hoard all kinds of feelings, but especially negative feelings. They can tell you about people who hurt their feelings when they were eight years old, even though they are now sixty-seven years old. (Hey, come to think of it I am sixty-seven and can remember people who hurt my feelings when I was eight. Hummmm.)
Of course, we all have memories—some good, some bad. But that is not what I am talking about. I’m talking about hoarding the feelings attached to those memories. Their minds are so full of bad feelings attached to bad memories, that they have to rent emotional storage units by the time they are twenty-one.
I’ve known a few people who did not fall into this trap of hoarding emotions. They had found a way to feel whatever they feel, and then let those feelings go.
How did they do that? I don’t know. I’m not sure that even they know. But I think that people who are not emotional hoarders may do three things.
First, they actually feel what they feel. They don’t try to mask or deny their feelings. They don’t necessarily express their feelings to the one who has upset or angered them, but they do acknowledge their feelings to themselves.
Second, they think about what happened. They try to recognize that they may have actually been at least partly in the wrong. In any case, they try to learn something from their negative feelings, even when they are not at all in the wrong.
Third, they let the feelings go. They seem to have made a decision that it is harder to hoard all those feelings than it is to drop them.
I have often been an emotional hoarder, but I’m getting better. I am discovering that letting go of emotions is both possible and enjoyable. I used to tell myself that I couldn’t let go of those emotions, but eventually, I began to realize that I was lying to myself. The problem was not that I couldn’t. The problem was that I wouldn’t. Increasingly, I can let go of those feelings, because I choose to do so.
Now, if I could just stop hoarding Wal-Mart bags!
“ON BEING ASKED TO TEACH SOME CLASSES AND BEING IN OVER MY HEAD”
Have you ever felt—at the same time—great joy and great fear? If so, you will understand the following e mail that I just sent to my twelve-step sponsor. It consists of a report (“No violations,” in this case) and my affirmation for the day (in bold print).
“Dear Bob,
No violations.
Today, by God’s grace and with God’s help, I am consistency in doing triage and doing what I can do, rather than the perfect stuff that I wish I could do.
The affirmation requires a bit of unpacking, I think.
This past Friday, I got an e mail from the dean at Cincinnati Christian, asking me if I would be interested in teaching some classes. They involved helping students (master level and perhaps also undergrad) to understand a bit about Hebrew and Greek by means of software. Of course, I was tremendously thrilled with this, and said of course.
I met with the dean yesterday, and while I am still thrilled, there are some problems, none of which are unsolvable. However, in the interest of getting current (as well as in the interest of unpacking the affirmation), I will list them. Then, I will solve them as best I can, one at a time.
- The undergrad course begins on August 27 of this year!
- I am using Accordance software applications, rather than BibleWorks. I am fairly used to BibleWorks, but not Accordance. However, I have downloaded Accordance onto my computer already, and am beginning the learn it.
- There is a very rough draft a syllabus, but I’m going have to develop my own in a hurry.
- I have not read the only book that is required for the course.
- I’m scared.
This is the sort of class that I have dreamed about teaching. I can do this, and do it well. However, I need to be consistency—not just consistent, but consistency!
However, consistency is not perfection, and I need to do a good job of triage on what I can do in the length of time I have to do it, with my current understanding of the Bible and technology, and with the students I have.
Perhaps the fifth thing that I listed above is the most important: I’m scared. I plan to let fear drive me in a good direction and at an appropriate pace, but only God is capable of leading me to be a really good instructor. That is because God Himself is the most “teacherly” of teachers.”
(You might also want to read another post I wrote, “DTEB, “IN OVER MY HEAD”. It would appear that I feel overwhelmed quite a bit of the time!)
“UNITE MY SCATTERED HEART!”
Wednesday, August 15, 2018
I only slept about six hours last night, and woke up several times. Oh well! I’m glad for the sleep that I did get. I am not a fortune teller, but I do think I see one or more naps in my future.
On the other hand, I also see a lot of work that needs doing. I need to get the house back together after the carpets were cleaned yesterday, so that my wife won’t come home to a mess. I also need to write a blog, go to CCU to meet with Jamie Smith about teaching one or more classes, prepare for and teach Hebrew class, and exercise. It is going to be an interesting day!
Meanwhile, after awaking a little after 3:00 a.m., I was starting to put things back, now that the floors are fairly dry. However, in the midst of that, I was convicted by Psalm 86:11: “Unite my heart to fear thy name.” I’m afraid that my heart/mind is very divided today.
So, I go downstairs to have my devotions. First things first! God!
However, my laptop won’t work right this morning. I can’t access Bible Works, which I usually use for my devotions. I want to look at Matthew Henry’s comments on Psalm 86:11, but my smart phone is outsmarting me. I can get to Henry’s commentary on Psalm 86, but not his thoughts on verse 11. Finally, I decide to have a look at a devotional book that my wife and I sometimes use. In today’s devotional thought, the author talks about how we humans have messed up the world. I feel fairly messed up myself!
God, I’ve got more work than You have given me to do! Root out those things in my life that are competing with the work that You have given me to do. And help me to not plant more weeds.
Unite my heart to fear thy name!
(Post Script: I lost part of this journal entry/blog because I left the Word program before saving my work. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to laugh at yourself. Dear reader, I hope that you have a gathered and godly day!)
DTEB, “A TRICK IS NOT A TRICK WHEN YOU’VE SEEN IT BEFORE”
“When you forgive this man, I forgive him, too. And when I forgive whatever needs to be forgiven, I do so with Christ’s authority for your benefit, so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes.” (2 Corinthians 2:10-11, New Living Translation)
“So the LORD God asked the woman, ‘What is this you have done?’ And the woman said, ‘It was the serpent. He deceived me, and I ate.’” (Genesis 3:13, Complete Jewish Bible)
A friend in my 12-step group made a wonderful comment this morning. We were discussing how to get back on track after a relapse. My young friend who is crazy way too wise for his years said something like the following: “Once, I said that the devil had tricked me, and I had acted out. But then, I realized that he had done that same thing before. It occurred to me that, if I know the trick, then it isn’t really a trick anymore!”
Right.
Too often, like Eve, I say, “The serpent deceived me . . . .” However, Eve said, in the same breath, “. . . and I ate.” She admitted her own decision and action pretty quickly. I get around to admitting my personal responsibility—eventually. But unlike Eve, I am not so prompt about acknowledging that personal responsibility.
We addicts, before we have admitted that we are addicts, tend to say, “Well, I have my problems, but I’m an exception.” When we finally admit how out-of-control we are, we no longer regard ourselves as exceptions to the rules.
However, whenever we want to relapse, all that the addiction (or the devil, or our own worse self?) needs to say is, “Oh, this time will be an exception. It will be different this time!”
And too often, we fall for this trick—even when we know it’s a trick. Someone has defined insanity as “doing the same stupid thing again, and expecting a different result.” Addiction is a form of insanity.
So, I’m not going to talk anymore about the devil or the addiction or my worse self tricking me. Instead, I’m going to say, “I see where this is going, and I choose not to go there!”
There is an old proverb that is often attributed to the Chinese. But whoever came up with it, thank you very much! Here it is:
“Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.”
“HANDS FREE TO WELCOME GOD’S BLESSINGS”
I sometimes do a prayer thing called, “Palms down, palms up.” It is simple, perhaps even simplistic, but I find it helpful.
When I turn my palms down, I am dropping into the hands of Almighty Love all my concerns about the past, worries about the future, and concerns of the day.
Then, when I turn my palms up, I picture myself receiving all the blessings of the day. Sometimes I say something to the effect, “God, I welcome all the blessings you have for me today.” I said that this morning.
And as soon as I said it, a bluebird landed on the garden fence post right outside my study window. And I am not exaggerating! It was right after I prayed this! And immediately after that, a goldfinch swooped through and landed on another garden fence post!
So, the first three items on my gratitude list today were:
- A lovely morning.
- A bluebird I saw, right after praying to God, and saying, “Help me to accept gratefully whatever you give me today.”
- The goldfinch I saw right after I saw the bluebird.
Of course, a skeptic would say, “How do you know those birds wouldn’t have landed on those fence posts anyway?!” And of course, the skeptic would be right.
But one thing is for sure: I don’t think I would have noticed the birds if I had not prayed.
And one final thought. It is only after I’ve dropped a lot of stuff that I am in a position to receive God’s gifts. I need my hands free to welcome God’s blessings.
What do you need to drop in order to see and enjoy God’s blessings? Remember that it is first “palms down,” before it can really be “palms up”!
“ON NOT CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME”
“What other people think of me is really none of my business.” Thus spoke one of my 12-step friends. He had been told he was ugly, not once but twice, this morning.
He isn’t ugly. In fact, I told him that he looked like love to me.
But back to his saying that “what other people think of me is really none of my business”—I think that my friend is mostly right, but perhaps, a little wrong.
He is right because other people don’t know enough about our inner workings to evaluate us. They can, perhaps, evaluate specific, external performance, but our innards, not so much. Really, not at all! He is also right because we can’t control what others think of us. It is literally “none of our business.”
So, what is wrong with my friend’s saying? Two things, I think.
First, if we think of ourselves as completely insulated from what others think of us, we also may miss out on their encouraging words and thoughts. And we all need encouraging words at times. Some encouraging words we remember from long ago.
Over thirty years ago, in a men’s accountability/prayer group, I was bemoaning the fact that I have a high tenor voice. One of the guys in the group, Danny, said, “Well, your voice just sounds like love to me.” The fact that I still remember his words all these years later demonstrates the power and longevity of an encouraging word.
But second, there is an equally important reason why we should care about what others think of us and say to us. If we do not pay attention to what others think and say about us, we may miss certain unpleasant, but necessary, truths about ourselves. People often convey to me that I talk too much. They usually do this through teasing. That may not be the best approach. Perhaps it would be better to be direct, and simply say, “Sometimes, you talk too much.” But whether it is said directly or indirectly, I need to listen. I can’t see my own blind spots. If I could, they would be called “seen spots,” wouldn’t they? How can I grow, if I don’t pay attention to what others think of me?
So, there are two things I need to care about concerning what others think of me: encouragement about what is right with me, and accountability in areas where I need to grow. Beyond those two things, what others think of me really isn’t any of my business.
“SIMPLE DEEP TRUTHS”
“Be careful! That water is deep!”
So said a girl whom I was desperately hoping to impress. She was very pretty and nice, but I was much older than she was. After all, I was seven and she was only six-and-a-half!
I was staying with my brother and his wife and daughter. We had gone over to the house belonging to a friend of my brother. It was a pretty place out in the country, and they had an old-fashioned spring house.
I suppose that I should spare you the trouble of googling the term “spring house.” You almost never see them anymore, but once upon a time, they were fairly common.
In the olden days, if you had a nice spring of water near your house, you could build a small structure over it. This structure was called a spring house. It protected your spring from leaves and other debris. You could use the spring for drinking or cooking or to keep things chilled.
This particular spring house was at the edge of the yard. My niece and the younger girl in the story had been “playing croquet,” which probably consisted of us trying to hit the balls in a more or less straight line. One of us (probably me) had hit a ball that rolled down the hill and through a very small hole and (Ker plunk!) into the spring.
The young lady of the house thought we should go tell her parents, but I, being much older and more mature, took a dim view of involving adults when it was at all possible. Besides, my arms were much longer than the girl’s arms. I could reach that croquet ball in the spring. After all, the water was very clear, and the ball was plainly visible just a few inches below the surface.
Or so I thought! I figured that the young lady’s warning was an exaggeration. “Girl’s are bad about that,” I thought to myself. I stretched out on the spring house floor, and thrust my arm into the chilly water.
I couldn’t touch the ball. Furthermore, now that I had my arm in the water, I could see the ball was much deeper than I could reach.
So, the adults were involved after all. Her father came down to the spring house. Even he had to get a long-handled shovel to scoop the ball out of the water. The spring was at least five feet deep! The young lady’s warning had been spot on.
That was the end of our croquet game, but it isn’t the end of the story. Like all good stories, it doesn’t have an ending. The truth is, I often think of that incident. It haunts me to this day. But it’s a good haunting.
A friend and I were chatting on the phone the other day, and he mentioned a Buddhist book he was rereading, and a couple of the simple truths that the author was pointing out.
My friend and I agreed that simple truths are usually also the deepest truths. We also agreed that they are the ones we need to be reminded of on a regular basis.
And the memory of the spring house came back to me. I told my friend the story, and then I said, “ You know, I think that truths are kind of like that croquet ball in the spring house. They may seem very accessible, but they lie in deep clear water. We can think that we can easily grasp them, but that is not so.”
And, to press the analogy a bit, there is always danger in thinking that what appears within easy reach is, in reality, dangerously deep. A “simple” truth can drown the unwary. The antidote? We need to respect both the simplicity and the profundity of Truth.
There is a mystery to all truth, even the simplest. Perhaps, the mystery is the deepest in the simplest truths.
Why does my wife love me? Because she does. Simple, but profoundly mysterious!
How can admitting my powerlessness over my addiction be the first step toward recovery? Who knows? But it is!
These and a million other not-so-simple simple truths surround us all the time. The water surrounding these truths is so clear that you would swear that you can easily grasp these truths. But ultimately, truths are not made to be grasped. Neither your arms nor your mind are long enough or strong enough to entirely grasp them. But although they may not be grasped, they can be lived out. And that is enough.
“SO MUCH JOY!”
Some days, there is so much joy! Not all days. But many.
Joy in the fact that the semi-final softball game was rained out this morning. Not that I didn’t want to play. I just rejoice because the rainout is a fact.
Joy in weeding the flower bed with my sweetheart, even though I forgot to wear a belt, and my shorts were in constant danger of falling down.
Joy in writing a blog about mental noise.
Joy in looping Rich Mullins’ song “Calling Out Your Name.”
Joy in the breeze outside.
Joy in my puppy sleeping on my lap, as I write this post.
Joy in the goldfinch outside my study window.
Joy in having lived.
Joy in living right now.
Joy in thinking about my own death.
Joy in getting the paperwork together for donating my body to U.C. Medical.
Joy in looking forward to Heaven.
Joy in this planet.
Joy in my wife making gumbo for our dinner tonight.
Many years ago, a friend said to me, “You know, I think you have more joy than you know.”
Yes! And now, I know!
Readers, may you be joyous today! And may you come to enjoy your joy, and to know that you are in joy!
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