Posts Tagged: what others think of us

“ON NOT CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME”

On August 12, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“What other people think of me is really none of my business.”  Thus spoke one of my 12-step friends.  He had been told he was ugly, not once but twice, this morning.

He isn’t ugly.  In fact, I told him that he looked like love to me.

But back to his saying that “what other people think of me is really none of my business”—I think that my friend is mostly right, but perhaps, a little wrong.

He is right because other people don’t know enough about our inner workings to evaluate us.  They can, perhaps, evaluate specific, external performance, but our innards, not so much.  Really, not at all!   He is also right because we can’t control what others think of us.  It is literally “none of our business.”

So, what is wrong with my friend’s saying?  Two things, I think.

First, if we think of ourselves as completely insulated from what others think of us, we also may miss out on their encouraging words and thoughts.  And we all need encouraging words at times.  Some encouraging words we remember from long ago.

Over thirty years ago, in a men’s accountability/prayer group, I was bemoaning the fact that I have a high tenor voice.  One of the guys in the group, Danny, said, “Well, your voice just sounds like love to me.”  The fact that I still remember his words all these years later demonstrates the power and longevity of an encouraging word.

But second, there is an equally important reason why we should care about what others think of us and say to us.  If we do not pay attention to what others think and say about us, we may miss certain unpleasant, but necessary, truths about ourselves.  People often convey to me that I talk too much.  They usually do this through teasing.  That may not be the best approach.  Perhaps it would be better to be direct, and simply say, “Sometimes, you talk too much.”  But whether it is said directly or indirectly, I need to listen.  I can’t see my own blind spots.  If I could, they would be called “seen spots,” wouldn’t they?  How can I grow, if I don’t pay attention to what others think of me?

So, there are two things I need to care about concerning what others think of me: encouragement about what is right with me, and accountability in areas where I need to grow.  Beyond those two things, what others think of me really isn’t any of my business.

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