“A ‘GOOD’ ANNIVERSARY?”
Today, September 11, 2017, is the fourteenth anniversary of my coming clean about my past. It wasn’t easy. It still isn’t easy. The sins and wrong-doings may be in the past, but the effects upon those that I sinned against have ongoing effects on them. I am not immune either. There are times when even old scars ache.
However, I keep remembering my name: “FORGIVEN!” I keep remembering the God who sent his Son to die for my sins and indeed for the sins of the whole world. I keep remembering that, although I am not yet the man I want to be, I am not the man I once was either.
So, today is a day when I mourn the death of the man I used to be. He was never completely evil, but he certainly did great evil. I must never forget that.
But today is also a day when I celebrate a birth: the birth of a man who has tried to give his past a proper burial, a man who is not the same man he used to be, a man who is being changed from the inside out. I’m a lot of work and a work in progress, but I am, after all, God’s work.
I owe a lot to a bunch of people for the man I am becoming. I used to think that people are individuals. I suppose that we are, in some sense. However, I now suspect that we are also herd animals. So, I want to thank other members of my herd. It’s a big herd!
My wife has been my main “God-with-skin-on” person. She has been a faithful and consistent reminder that God accepts me as I am, but doesn’t leave me as I am. Thank God for both of those reminders!
Friends who have stuck with me in spite of everything also come to mind. They too are part of my herd, and I’m part of their herd.
In particular, twelve-step friends know all about my past, and still regard me kindly and hopefully. Sponsors, both those in the past and my present sponsor, have also been a vital part of the herd.
And then, there is my church family—particularly my/our pastor. I sent a grateful e mail to him today. Here it is in a somewhat modified form.
“Dear ________,
Another excellent sermon! Thanks!
A week ago yesterday, the devil tried to cut me out of the herd in our church parking lot. When Sharon and I arrived, it was hard to go in and face people. I wanted to bolt.
But I didn’t. And even though I sat there crying with my head down, God’s Word through you got through to me. Your prayer for me meant a lot to me also. (And, as already noted, it was answered swiftly!)
This Sunday, after living for a week with my new name (FORGIVEN!), I was in a much better place to receive God’s Word through you in a much better way. But when you flashed that picture of the lion chasing that lone animal (a wildebeest??), I thought of myself the previous week. I realized just how in danger I was in that moment. The evil one was trying to cut me out of the herd. If he had succeeded, he would not have eaten my lunch. He would have eaten me for lunch.
Depression isolates. Togetherness has great healing power. Almost makes you think that God made us for community, doesn’t it?!?
Warm Regards,
___________”
Stay with the herd, my friends! Stay with the herd!
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