Posts Tagged: twelve-step sponsor

“Fully Engaged with Life”

On May 1, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

My twelve-step sponsor made an intriguing comment a week or so ago.  He often does.  But this one has gotten stuck in my heart: “Be fully engaged,” he counseled me.

Sounded good, but I didn’t know the origin of the word “engage.”  So I did what modern people do when they don’t know something: I googled it!  Here is what I found out about the origin of the word.

“en·gage . . .

late Middle English (formerly also as ingage ): from French engager, ultimately from the base of gage1. The word originally meant ‘to pawn or pledge something,’ later ‘pledge oneself (to do something),’ hence ‘enter into a contract’ (mid 16th century), ‘involve oneself in an activity,’ ‘enter into combat’ (mid 17th century), giving rise to the notion ‘involve someone or something else.’

gage1

ɡāj/

archaic

noun

  1. 1.  a valued object deposited as a guarantee of good faith.

verb

  1. 1.  offer (a thing or one’s life) as a guarantee of good faith.”

So, being engaged involves putting yourself or something you value into something.  Being engaged means that I am not a bystander (innocent or otherwise) in my life.

I am sitting in a hotel room at Myrtle Beach, watching the waves coming ashore.  The sun is up.  It is, of course, easy to be engaged at this moment.  I am here with my sweetheart, enjoying a few days of vacation.  It is wonderful.

Yet, even here, it is easy to disengage.  After getting settled into our room last evening, my wife and I went for a walk along the beach.  It wasn’t crowded, but there were some folks enjoying the late afternoon.  There were kids playing in the sand, and some kids were wading in the shallows.  It was wonderful.

But, of course, me being me, I thought of our trips to the beach when our own children were little.  And, at that point, it was only a stone’s throw to regret for the dad I was and the dad I was not.  The past is sand in the cogs of being fully engaged.

The future can also mess with being fully engaged.  I worry.  I worry about retirement.  Will we have enough to live on, and enough to do some fun things?  I worry about health—my wife’s and my own.  I worry about how much longer I will be able to teach, to wait tables, to mow the grass.  I worry because the strawberries may be ripening (and rotting) while we are at the beach.  I worry about the fact that we only have a few days at the beach.  I worry about whether the weather will be nice.  I worry about . . .

Well, listing these worries is making me more worried (which is one more thing to worry about), so I’ll stop.  You get the point.

If the past and the future can interfere with being fully engaged, I now know what full engagement might look like.  It means being completely present.

I started this blog post at home, looking out my window on a grey April day. I was looking out the window, watching the maple seeds twirling toward their destiny.  I think that I was fully engaged.

I am finishing this post at the beach, with the sun streaming through my window.  I think that I am fully engaged.

Thanks, sponsor, for the very needful reminder!

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“The Purpose of Life versus Purpose within Life”

On April 27, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“A Prayer in Spring” (Robert Frost)

“Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers to-day;
And give us not to think so far away
As the uncertain harvest; keep us here
All simply in the springing of the year.

Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white,
Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;
And make us happy in the happy bees,
The swarm dilating round the perfect trees.

And make us happy in the darting bird
That suddenly above the bees is heard,
The meteor that thrusts in with needle bill,
And off a blossom in mid air stands still.

For this is love and nothing else is love,
The which it is reserved for God above
To sanctify to what far ends He will,
But which it only needs that we fulfil.”

I’ve decided that I don’t know the purpose of my life.  I’ve also discovered that this does not matter.

Perhaps I should explain—at least to myself.

If I try to think of the overarching purpose of my life, it just gives me despair and a headache.  I can’t figure out my life purpose.  I’m not saying that some people can’t figure this out.  I’m not saying that you can’t.  I’m just confessing that I can’t.  That doesn’t mean that my life is purposeless.  It does mean that I can’t figure out what the heck it is.

However, what I can do is to find purpose within life—within the daily tasks, the daily relationships, the daily things that happen.  It doesn’t matter how mundane the tasks, how frayed the relationships, how bad the things that happen.  I find that my purpose within life is to be grateful for the good stuff, and grateful for the lessons I learn through the bad stuff.

Looked at from another angle, my purpose within life is to (as my sponsor never tires in reminding me) to “just keep doing the next right thing.”  Do I always know what the next right thing is?  No.  But I know what it is more often than I care to let on, and more often than I actually do the next right thing.

Take today, for an example.  It is a beautiful, spring day.  This afternoon, it will be summer, with a high in the mid eighties.  I have six yards of mulch to put down (or as much of it as I can).  Then, hopefully, I will be able to teach Hebrew.  Also, I had several good phone calls with twelve-step friends this morning.  I talked to my wife on the phone, and told her how grateful and happy I am that we share the same last name.  I sang silly songs to my mother-in-law over the phone, and told her how much I love her and am thankful for her.  Right now, I am writing this little post for tomorrow.  I also mailed some thank-you cards to folks who made my birthday great fun.

Meaning within life is easy to discover.  I just have to have open eyes, an open heart, an open mind, and the willingness to keep doing the next right thing.  Purpose within life is low-hanging fruit.  No ladders required!

Enjoy your day!  Care to join me for some fruit?

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