Posts Tagged: hurting others
“Learning to Show Concern”
My nephew and niece are visiting us for a couple of days. They are raising two little ones (three years and fifteen months), with another on the way. Three-year-old Jared and fifteen-month-old Jael had a head-on collision today. Predictably, Jael got the worst of the deal.
My nephew (who is a fine, loving father) is concerned that Jared needs to learn to show concern when the little guy hurts someone. “He just wants to give his sister a kiss, and say he’s sorry—and then, he’s back to whatever he is doing. I’m trying to teach him to show concern.”
I think that’s something we all need to learn. At age sixty-eight, I am still trying to learn how to do that.
It’s tempting to ask, “How can you teach someone to show concern? Don’t you have to feel it first?”
No, I think my nephew is right. I suspect that we can learn to show concern. If I wait around to feel concerned, I may be waiting for a feeling that never comes. But if I show concern for someone who is hurt (and especially for someone I myself have hurt), the feelings may come.
This explains why kindness can be (and is) commanded in the Bible. ““Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
(Ephesians 4:32 The Holy Bible, English Standard Version)
https://accordance.bible/link/read/ESVS#Eph._4:32
Notice that the Bible does not say, “Feel kind.” Rather, it says, “Be kind.” I’m not sure if being kind is the same thing as showing concern. But, in any case, I think that they are close relatives.
Who can you show concern for today? Maybe you could even begin with showing concern for your own better self. Or, at least, you might try showing some concern for your not-so-better self. Hey! You have to begin somewhere.
Questions to Ask Before I say Anything
I am probably the only person who struggles with saying hurtful things, even (especially?) when I am trying to say something nice.
I frequently don’t even understand why the other person was hurt. So, I take refuge in the old dodge, “But I didn’t mean to hurt you!”
That’s a lie sometimes. There are times when I am trying to hurt the other person, but I’m just trying to do it by a stealth attack. Whenever I’m sure I’m innocent, I am almost certainly guilty.
And even when it isn’t a lie, it is not helpful. The question is not, “How did I mean that?” Rather, the question is, “How might the other person interpret that?”
Admittedly, there are some people who routinely take everything as an insult. The best thing I can do when I am around such folks is not to be around such folks.
But what can I do to minimize the madness of unnecessary madness?
I can ask myself certain questions before I speak. Is this true? Is this kind? Is it really necessary to say this? Is this said in the kindest possible manner? How might the other person take this?
I would be a much slower conversationalist if I asked these questions before I said anything. I would also do less harm and more good with my tongue.
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
- “Even a Sliver of Light” April 9, 2024“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” (2 Corinthians 5:6, English Standard Version) I missed the total eclipse yesterday. There were a number of good reasons for this, but […]
- “The Process in Miracles and the Miracle of Process” March 11, 2024“2 Kings 5:1 Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Syria, was a great man with his master and in high favor, because by him the LORD had given victory to Syria. He was a mighty man of valor, but he was a leper. 2 Now the Syrians on one of their raids […]
- “The Power of Encouragement—Even for Old People” March 10, 2024“But encourage each other every day while it is ‘today.’ Help each other so none of you will become hardened because sin has tricked you.” (Hebrews 3:13, New Century Version) Yesterday, I was walking at a nearby park. There was a large group of young people some of whom were running while other young people […]
- “Endurance” March 10, 2024“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.” (Hebrews 10:36, English Standard Version) “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us […]
- “The Limits of Non-Judgmentalism” February 24, 2024“Matt. 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. Matt. 7:2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:1-2, English Standard Version) This morning, in my virtual 12-step meeting, we discussed the topic of judgmentalism. There were many wise […]
- “Delighting in Being Told What to Do?!?” February 23, 2024“Psa. 112:1 Praise the LORD! Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments! 2 His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. 3 Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures […]
- “Character is the Real Lesson” January 19, 2024I am often confused about what lesson I’m really supposed to be learning. For example, this morning I was trying to knock out several Spanish lessons. My intentions were a lot better than my internet connection. I’ve done three lessons. Or rather, I’ve done two lessons. One of them I did twice because the internet […]
- “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked” January 1, 2024Each year, I try to come up with one word or a short phrase for what I intend to work on in the upcoming year. 2024 is “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked”. What?!! What does that even mean? So glad that you asked! Jesus said to his disciples, “Why do you look at the speck […]
- “Searching for the Noble One” December 26, 2023My wife and I were reading Luke, chapter 2 on Christmas Day. Luke 2 talks about the shepherds being told to look for this very special child—in fact, this King—in a stable. I prefer the word “barn”. I grew up on a farm. I know what a barn is. A stable is entirely too biblical […]
- “That Don’t Impress God Much” December 14, 2023DTEB, “That Don’t Impress God Much” “That Don’t Impress Me Much” (Song by Robert John Lange and Shania Twain) Micah 6:8 (MSG) “But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be […]
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