Posts By Dteb
“Rule 62”
“Don’t take yourself too seriously.” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 149)
“Rom. 12:3 ¶ For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” (English Standard Version)
No, this is not a post about Gibbs’ (NCIS)rule 62: “Always give people space when they get off an elevator.” It is about the Alcoholics Anonymous rule 62, which cautions against taking yourself too seriously.
People in general (and addicts in particular) tend to take ourselves way too seriously. This is a human problem, but for us addicts, the problem is on steroids. Here is the story of rule 62.
“When A.A. was still young, lots of eager groups were forming. In a town we’ll call Middleton, a real crackerjack had started up. The townspeople were as hot as firecrackers about it. Stargazing, the elders dreamed of innovations. They figured the town needed a great big alcoholic center, a kind of pilot plant A.A. groups could duplicate everywhere. Beginning on the ground floor there would be a club; in the second story they would sober up drunks and hand them currency for their back debts; the third deck would house an educational project—quite noncontroversial, of course. In imagination the gleaming center was to go up several stories more, but three would do for a start. This would all take a lot of money—other people’s money. Believe it or not, wealthy townsfolk bought the idea.
There were, though, a few conservative dissenters among the alcoholics. They wrote the Foundation , A.A.’s headquarters in New York, wanting to know about this sort of streamlining. They understood that the elders, just to nail things down good, were about to apply to the Foundation for a charter. These few were disturbed and skeptical.
Of course, there was a promoter in the deal—a super-promoter. By his eloquence he allayed all fears, despite ad-vice from the Foundation that it could issue no charter, and that ventures which mixed an A.A. group with medication and education had come to sticky ends elsewhere. To make things safer, the promoter organized three corporations and became president of them all. Freshly painted, the new center shone. The warmth of it all spread through the town. Soon things began to hum. To insure foolproof, continuous operation, sixty-one rules and regulations were adopted.
But alas, this bright scene was not long in darkening. Confusion replaced serenity. It was found that some drunks yearned for education, but doubted if they were alcoholics. The personality defects of others could be cured maybe with a loan. Some were club-minded, but it was just a question of taking care of the lonely heart. Sometimes the swarming applicants would go for all three floors. Some would start at the top and come through to the bottom, be-coming club members; others started in the club, pitched a binge, were hospitalized, then graduated to education on the third floor. It was a beehive of activity, all right, but unlike a beehive, it was confusion compounded. An A.A. group, as such, simply couldn’t handle this sort of project. All too late that was discovered. Then came the inevitable explosion—something like that day the boiler burst in Wombley’s Clapboard Factory. A chill chokedamp of fear and frustration fell over the group.
When that lifted, a wonderful thing had happened. The head promoter wrote the Foundation office. He said he wished he’d paid some attention to A.A. experience. Then he did something else that was to become an A.A. classic. It all went on a little card about golf-score size.
The cover read:
“Middleton Group #1. Rule #62.”
Once the card was unfolded, a single pungent sentence leaped to the eye:
“Don’t take yourself too *&!# seriously.” (One word has been changed to avoid disturbing the serenity of some folks.)
(Copyright © 1952, 1953, 1981 by The A.A. Grapevine and Alcoholics Anonymous World Service)
Taking myself too seriously is not helpful. It gives me headaches, and I then tend to give headaches to others. The folks who are seriously good at anything almost always have a kind of childlike playfulness about them. I suspect that the best way to be good at anything is to take ourselves with a grain of salt. Some of us need to empty the saltshaker.
“How to Have a Good, Godly Day: Guidance, Focus, and Energy”
“Is. 30:21 And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is vthe way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.” (ESV)
“Prov. 4:25 Let your eyes look directly forward,
and your gaze be straight before you.” (ESV)
“Is. 40:29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.” (ESV)
In my daily report to my sponsor, today’s affirmation is as follows: “Today, I am depending on God for guidance, focus, and energy for the entire day.” These are three huge issues in my life every day. I am too self-willed to ask for God’s guidance, too impulsive to seek focus, and too lazy to even want to be all that energetic. This is not putting myself down; this is the sober (and unfortunate) truth. I affirm things, not because I practice them, but because I think that they are true and important and worthy of practice.
So far, God seems to be honoring my desire for guidance, focus, and energy today. Guidance, focus, and energy are helpful in all sorts of ways. Here is one simple illustration.
I came upstairs to work at my desk. Among other things, I wanted to work on a post for my website. However, almost immediately, I wanted to play a game of 10-minute chess. Of course, each player has 10 minutes, so a game can take up to 20 minutes. Furthermore, playing one game of chess is like eating one potato chip or one chocolate chip cookie.
I thought about my affirmation and passed the desire to play “just one game” of chess through these three filters of God’s guidance, focus, and energy. Was God guiding me to play chess? Somehow, that didn’t seem to be the case. Was chess something that was worthy of my focus? The question answered itself. Would playing chess be a good use of my energy and/or energize me more? I knew the answer before I had finished asking the question.
So, no chess right now.
Daily affirmations really do help me to live in a more sane and healthy manner. I am so thankful to one of my sponsors who proposed this to me. I recommend it to you as well. However, you have to actually refer to your affirmation during the day and use it wisely. If you’re at all like me, that may not be an easy thing to do.
Of course, one day’s guidance, focus, and energy is not enough. But it is enough for today. Tomorrow I’ll work with the same filters. Who knows? I may just become a very God-guided, properly focused, energetic person after all!
“Reflections on Being Married Fifty Years”
Today my wife and I have been married for fifty years. What on earth has kept us together?!?
Nothing. At least, nothing on earth has kept us together. But there is Heaven and Heaven’s God. Here’s the deal. My wife has been able to be patient with and forgiving of my very real and very serious character defects. I am trying hard to refrain from giving her any further reasons to forgive, but trying hard doesn’t mean that I always get it right. She has been able to be patient and forgiving because she knows a heavenly Father who is patient and forgiving. Easy, no. Possible, yes.
Also, she has had this intuition since we were dating that there is more goodness in me than I sometimes manifest. I’ve begun to suspect that she might be right. There is a verse in the Bible that says that God calls things that don’t exist as if they did—and actually brings those things into existence (Romans 4:17). While the verse originally had Abraham in mind, it seems to me to be capable of broader application. Just as in creation God called order out of chaos and something out of nothing, so God calls things that don’t exist into existence. And often, God uses human beings to do this miraculous thing. For me, Sharon was a miracle and a miracle worker.
Now, have I contributed to the longevity of our marriage as well? I certainly hope so. I can think of at least one thing that I’ve done and continue to do for her. I appreciate her, deeply, genuinely, continually. Hopefully I’ve done more than that. However, even if it were just that, such appreciation would be valuable, I hope. And I think that God is the one who helps me to be thankful for many things and people, but especially the miracle that is Sharon.
So, there it is, my brief principles for a good, long-lasting marriage—patience, forgiveness, seeing goodness in the other person, even when it is difficult, gratitude. It is not a magic formula. It’s way better than magic. It’s a prescription for a miracle.
I love you, sweetheart.
“Let Go and Let God”
“Let go and let God.” (A twelve-step slogan.)
Ex. 4:1 Then Moses answered, “But behold, they will not believe me or listen to my voice, for they will say, ‘The LORD did not appear to you.’” 2 The LORD said to him, “What is that in your hand?” He said, “A staff.” 3 And he said, “Throw it on the ground.” So he threw it on the ground, and it became a serpent, and Moses ran from it. 4 But the LORD said to Moses, “Put out your hand and catch it by the tail”—so he put out his hand and caught it, and it became a staff in his hand— 5 “that they may believe that the LORD, the God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has appeared to you.” (Exodus 4:1-5, English Standard Version)
Letting go of things is not easy for me. You would know this immediately if you looked at my bookshelves or my garage. Then, there is the matter of letting go of the past and all the regrets associated with it. No, letting go of things is not easy for me.
Of course, holding onto things isn’t easy either. My arthritic hands have a difficult time holding onto glasses when I’m doing the dishes, much less holding onto heavier objects. Then too, my hands are only so big and so strong anyway. I really can’t hold much at all. Neither, probably, can anyone.
Moses was holding on to his staff. He was a shepherd. He needed his staff. Yet, in his encounter with the LORD in the desert, Moses wasn’t sure that God had chosen the right man for the job. So God asks him a question, “What’s that in your hand?”
Now the truth is this: When God asks a question, God already knows the answer. God doesn’t ask questions for God’s benefit but for ours. What did Moses have in his hands? The same gnarly rod that he had used on his sheep for some time now. Nothing dramatic, nothing special.
God gives Moses a strange command. “Throw it down.” And what happened when Moses threw down his staff? It became a snake. And then, on a rather humorous sidenote, we are told that Moses ran away from the snake. The Bible is much funnier than we sometimes are willing to admit.
Sometimes, we have to let go of things, to throw them down. When we do, we don’t like the initial results at all. In fact, those results can be pretty scary.
And then, God gives Moses another even stranger command: “Pick it up by the tail.” I’ve never been much of a snake handler, but even I know that if you pick up a snake by its tail, you’re likely to get bitten.
But Moses obeys, despite his fear, and the snake becomes his staff again. We can debate until the cows come home and have been milked whether this is some kind of magic or a miracle or whether it is factual. My personal belief is that, if there is a God at all, changing one thing into another would be no more difficult for God than me changing my shirt. But I think that if we get enmeshed in these kinds of science-versus-religion debates, we may be missing a major truth. We may be missing the idea that, if we are willing to let go of our regular stuff and our everyday lives at God’s commands, strange and wonderful things may happen.
What if I let go of my money, books, relationships, and time today? What if threw to the ground my right to be right about everything from love to politics?
When Moses was returning to Egypt to confront the most powerful ruler of the ancient world, the Bible says that Moses took his wife and sons to Egypt with him. It also says that Moses took the rod of God (Exodus 4:20). When did the rod of Moses become the rod of God? Apparently, when Moses let it go.
What do you and I need to let go of today?
“Lessons Not Yet Learned from Mom and Dad”
Eph. 6:1 ¶ Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Eph. 6:2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),
Eph. 6:3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (English Standard Version)
Our pastor preached on Ephesians 6:1-3 this morning. He was especially speaking to young people under the age of 18. I am seventy-two. In fact, my parents have been gone for way over 18 years, so it was tempting for me to think, “Well, this sermon isn’t for me!”
However, three things gave me pause for thought about dismissing the pastor’s sermon. First, I never really grew up. Second (and related to the first observation), I am still struggling with lessons I should have learned when I was nine years old. Third, I have a Heavenly Father, and I need to learn how to obey and honor God more than I do. Maybe some of the things my parents tried to teach me would also be a good way of obeying and honoring God.
While I need to think more about this, it is sometimes helpful to list initial impressions in response to a good sermon, a book, or other stimulating stuff. So, I made a quick list of things my parents tried to teach me.
- Work hard,
- Care for others.
- Take care of yourself.
- Don’t eat too much.
- Be careful.
- Don’t expect too much.
- Always say, “Thank you!”
- Don’t take bad about others or to others.
- Be careful with your money.
- Don’t be so full of yourself.
- Don’t complain.
- Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve.
Some of these I do better with than others. When my parents were trying to teach me these lessons, I often thought my folks were out of touch with reality. I have since concluded that their son was the one who wasn’t living in reality.
What lessons did your parents try to teach you? Admittedly, not all of the lessons were good, I’m sure. But were there some that were helpful? I’d love to hear from you as to what your parents taught you. Shoot me an email, if you get a chance.
“E.G.R.”
“For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.” (John 1:16, King James Veresion)
“We all live off his generous abundance,
gift after gift after gift.” (John 1:16, The Message)
The other day, a friend of mine spoke of “E.G.R.” people. Before I could ask, my friend explained: Extra Grace Required. My friend very quickly added that she is sometimes an E.G.R. person.
Frankly, we are all E.G.R. people. Think of the kindest, most consistent person you know. Yes, even that person sometimes needs extra grace. Put two people together who both need extra grace at that moment, and you’ve got trouble. You might even have World War III.
The Gospel writer John says that, in Jesus Christ, we have grace after grace. What is grace? Someone has said it this way, comparing and contrasting mercy and grace: Mercy is not getting the punishment we deserve, and grace is getting the good things we don’t deserve. Grace is something we all need. John seems to be saying here that there is a boundless supply of grace in Jesus.
The Bible is very plain about what we are to do with this grace. We are to receive it, rejoice in it, and pass it along. Sometimes we all want to throw a dam across this river of grace. Most of us see our need for grace, but we don’t want to let the river flow. That won’t do. Jesus said to his original disciples, “Freely you have received. Freely give.” He says the same to you and me.
“A Non-Anxious Day and Life”
A friend of mine has some major decisions to make, and he is battling some anxiety. However, this morning he shot me an email, and it sounds as if he is remembering to pray and breathe and do the next right thing. Here is my reply to his email:
“Dear ________________,
It seems to me that you are refusing to be anxious about your anxiety. Well not done!
And well done!
In the moment, there is never any problem. There is either something we must do, something we must undergo, or something that is a mixture of doing and undergoing. I also need to remember this.
You are running well. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.”
I need to remember my own wise words today. I also need to remember what Jesus said: “Be not anxious.”
But often my own anxiety makes me anxious. It doesn’t have to. I can choose to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. I can do what I need to do in this moment. If I can’t stop the rain, I can endure it. I grew up on a farm. I never saw a cow killed by the rain, even a cold one. They just stood there looking thoughtful, but not necessarily miserable. As someone has said, “Suffering is inevitable; misery is not.”
“Persistent Scatterbrain”
“22 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear!
23 Those who hear and don’t act are like those who glance in the mirror,
24 walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.
25 But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God – the free life! – even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will find delight and affirmation in the action.” (James 1:22-25, The Message Bible)
I bet you didn’t know the expression “distracted scatterbrain” was in the Bible, did you? Of course, it isn’t in the original Greek of James 1:25, but I think that Eugene Peterson has captured what James is driving at here. James is talking about people who may listen (sort of) to God’s Word, but who don’t follow through by doing what God’s Word says.
Too often, that would be me unfortunately. It doesn’t even have to be God’s Word. My wife asks me to do something, and I say, “Of course, sweetheart!” And then I forget.
In some areas of my life, I’m persistent, but it is a struggle. Unfortunately, I am sometimes persistent in doing the wrong things—or at least things that don’t matter. But when I am persistent in doing good things, I do indeed, as The Message says, “. . . find delight and affirmation in the action.”
I have to do things over and over to get the hang of them. Probably, everyone does. Focus doesn’t do it for me. For this scatterbrain, persistence is the only thing that works. Some experts on the matter speak of “muscle memory”. I think that’s a wonderful expression. Sometimes our muscles remember things that our conscious minds do not. I need to develop my spiritual muscle memory!
Perhaps God doesn’t so much seek consistency as He seeks persistence.
God, help me, help us all, to not worry so much about being scatterbrained. Instead, help us be persistent, even if we’re more than a little scattered.
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
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