My biggest problem dogs me wherever I go. That’s because my biggest problem is me. I’m not sure how to solve this problem. Perhaps, as with many problems, there is no solution. There are only better (or worse) ways of living with the problem.

Well, to be perfectly honest, two-thousand years ago, Jesus gave me the solution to my problem, but I don’t like it. Here it is:

“¹⁸ And it came to pass, as he was alone praying, his disciples were with him: and he asked them, saying, Whom say the people that I am? ¹⁹ They answering said, John the Baptist; but some say, Elias; and others say, that one of the old prophets is risen again. ²⁰ He said unto them, But whom say ye that I am? Peter answering said, The Christ of God. ²¹ And he straitly charged them, and commanded them to tell no man that thing; ²² Saying, The Son of man must suffer many things, and be rejected of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be slain, and be raised the third day. ²³ And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. ²⁴ For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. ²⁵ For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away? ²⁶ For whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he shall come in his own glory, and in his Father’s, and of the holy angels. ²⁷ But I tell you of a truth, there be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the kingdom of God.” (Luke 19:18-27, English Standard Version)

“The one who saves his life will lose it, and the one who loses his life will save it.” This stands all of my ideas on their head. If this is true, I don’t dare live a life that is based on my own thinking about things. Why? Because, in my own mind, it is the one who saves his life who saves his life, and losers are just losers. Either Jesus was right, or I am. And, even if Jesus wasn’t the Son of God—which I believe he was and is—I am hesitant to say that he was full of crap.

Jesus said a lot of really hard things here. He talked about denying ourselves and taking up our cross. And then, he added a really difficult word: daily. We are to take up our cross daily! The Christian faith, as someone has said, is not an initial spasm, followed by a long lethargy. Rather, following Jesus is my/our daily task.

So, it turns out that there is a solution to the problem that is me. Furthermore, I do know what it is. I need to deny myself today, pick up my cross, and follow Jesus.

Someone has said that God doesn’t call us to a picnic, but to a battle. It’s even worse than that, I’m afraid. In a battle, we might have the exhilarating and awful experience of killing someone else. We might end being a hero in someone’s eyes.

The awful truth is that God calls us, not to a battle, but to an execution. And it turns out that we’re the ones that are being executed.

But perhaps, if for just one day, I could deny myself, take up my cross, and follow Jesus, I might begin to solve the problem that is me. There is only one way to know. And Jesus’ execution was followed by a resurrection. He said that his disciples would experience the same things he did. They would experience a cross, but also resurrection. If I don’t choose to do the cross thing, I can’t very well experience resurrection.

Today is the day.