Monthly Archives: May 2018
“SELF-COMPASSION, OR SELF-PITY?”
A dear friend and I were talking about the need to be kind, even (especially?) to ourselves. However, we decided—or, perhaps, he decided and I agreed—that it was crucial to distinguish between self-pity and self-compassion.
Self-pity is ugly and unhealthy. Self-compassion is lovely and legitimate. In a sense, self-pity is counterfeit compassion.
But how do you tell the difference? Counterfeits are not easily identified. They are not designed to be. I’ve noticed that it is much easier to catch counterfeit “self-compassion” when someone else is trying to pass a bogus bill. Not so easy when I’m doing it.
However, . . .
However, I think I can propose some helpful ways of distinguishing these two look-alikes. At least, these are helpful when I actually practice them.
One way of distinguishing between self-compassion and self-pity is that self-compassion helps me to be more compassionate toward others. Self-pity means that I am collapsing on myself.
Another way of telling the difference is that self-compassion is usually accomplished in a moment, whereas self-pity tends to settle in for a longer stay. If I try to hang on to a hurt, it is a sure sign of self-pity.
Finally, self-compassion tends to energize me, while self-pity saps my strength and will. A question that I always need to ask myself is this: Is this feeling feeding my energy for accomplishing good things? If not, I need to give it the old heave-ho!
What do you think, dear readers? Are there other ways that you have discovered to distinguish these two? They may look alike, but their DNA is not the same. Neither are their effects the same.
“SHOW ME A REAL CHRISTIAN—AND HELP ME TO BE ONE”
(Epictetus, Encheiridion, Book 2, chapter 1, §4, my paraphrase).
“Show my a real Stoic if you can—not those who merely repeat Stoic phrases.”
Epictetus (A.D. ca. 55-135) was a Stoic philospher. He knew some good teachings, and he gave us some good teachings. However, he was not impressed at all with good teachings. He wanted to live as a Stoic.
No matter how much they might have disagreed on many things, the New Testament author James would have agreed with Epictetus on the need for action, rather than mere teachings.
“21 So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.
22 But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.
23 For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror.
24 You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like.
25 But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.
26 If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.
27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.” (James 1:22-27)
Now, don’t get me wrong: What Christians (or anyone else) believe does matter. Bad beliefs can, and often do, lead to bad behavior. Sincerity of belief doesn’t cut it, if the belief itself is mistaken.
Years ago, I heard an interesting illustration, which I pass along for your consideration. Whether or not it happened exactly like this does not matter; it is certainly realistic.
An on-call doctor is awakened at 3:00 a.m. by a call from a nurse at a nursing home. He hasn’t been able to rest well for days. The nurse who has called him tells him that one of their residents is unable to sleep, and is striking out at everyone around her. The doctor listens, considers, and orders one 50 mg. dose of a strong sedative. The nurse notices how sleepy the doctor sounds. She doesn’t think that the dosage sounds right. She goes to her Physician Desk Reference, and discovers that a strong dosage of this drug in .05 mgs.
She calls the doctor back to double check the dosage. The doctor is now fully awake. “Oh my God!” he exclaims. “Thank you! 50 mgs. would have killed the patient!”
Sometimes, sincerity is not enough.
However, knowing the truth and believing the truth is not enough either. The question that we Christians need to ask is not “Are they Christians (whoever “they” are)?” Rather, the question we all need to ask is, “Am I living as a Christian right now?”
Unfleshed truth is falsehood.
Now, none of us gets this right all the time. Still, that is our goal—or, at least, it ought to be. To live out the Christian faith day by day and moment by moment is what we are called to do. To be forgiven is a wonderful thing, but the question that cuts like a knife is this: Am I living as a forgiven person?
Lest you (and I) despair, however, it needs to be recognized that there is only One person who has ever fully, consistently lived out the Christian life. That person was Jesus Christ. Nevertheless, he called people to follow Him. I believe that He still does.
Years ago, there was a skit that asked a simple question. If you were accused of being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?
Perhaps the question is whether there would even be enough evidence to indict us.
God, please show me a real Christian when I look in the mirror!
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
- “Even a Sliver of Light” April 9, 2024“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” (2 Corinthians 5:6, English Standard Version) I missed the total eclipse yesterday. There were a number of good reasons for this, but […]
- “The Process in Miracles and the Miracle of Process” March 11, 2024“2 Kings 5:1 Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Syria, was a great man with his master and in high favor, because by him the LORD had given victory to Syria. He was a mighty man of valor, but he was a leper. 2 Now the Syrians on one of their raids […]
- “The Power of Encouragement—Even for Old People” March 10, 2024“But encourage each other every day while it is ‘today.’ Help each other so none of you will become hardened because sin has tricked you.” (Hebrews 3:13, New Century Version) Yesterday, I was walking at a nearby park. There was a large group of young people some of whom were running while other young people […]
- “Endurance” March 10, 2024“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.” (Hebrews 10:36, English Standard Version) “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us […]
- “The Limits of Non-Judgmentalism” February 24, 2024“Matt. 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. Matt. 7:2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:1-2, English Standard Version) This morning, in my virtual 12-step meeting, we discussed the topic of judgmentalism. There were many wise […]
- “Delighting in Being Told What to Do?!?” February 23, 2024“Psa. 112:1 Praise the LORD! Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments! 2 His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. 3 Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures […]
- “Character is the Real Lesson” January 19, 2024I am often confused about what lesson I’m really supposed to be learning. For example, this morning I was trying to knock out several Spanish lessons. My intentions were a lot better than my internet connection. I’ve done three lessons. Or rather, I’ve done two lessons. One of them I did twice because the internet […]
- “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked” January 1, 2024Each year, I try to come up with one word or a short phrase for what I intend to work on in the upcoming year. 2024 is “The Year of Becoming Un-Planked”. What?!! What does that even mean? So glad that you asked! Jesus said to his disciples, “Why do you look at the speck […]
- “Searching for the Noble One” December 26, 2023My wife and I were reading Luke, chapter 2 on Christmas Day. Luke 2 talks about the shepherds being told to look for this very special child—in fact, this King—in a stable. I prefer the word “barn”. I grew up on a farm. I know what a barn is. A stable is entirely too biblical […]
- “That Don’t Impress God Much” December 14, 2023DTEB, “That Don’t Impress God Much” “That Don’t Impress Me Much” (Song by Robert John Lange and Shania Twain) Micah 6:8 (MSG) “But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be […]
Recent Comments