“MATURITY: THE ART OF RECOGNIZING THE CONSEQUENCES”
For several years now, I have been taking a word or a short phrase to set the tone for my year. The word for 2022 is “maturity”. I figured that I would start the year a little early. So, here goes!
But first an important question: What is maturity? There are probably many aspects to the understanding and living out of maturity. A friend and I were talking about what maturity is, and he came up with a simply wonderful and wonderfully simple definition: Maturity is recognizing that there are consequences to all our actions, words, and thoughts, good and bad.
Perhaps the opposite of maturity is not immaturity, but insanity. Insanity has been defined as “doing the same thing over and over—and expecting different results.
When I was little, I thought that I could get by with things. I rarely succeeded. I still sometimes fall into that thought. However, it simply isn’t so. Nobody gets by with anything. When I say or do something unkind, there is an immediate wound to another person. There is also an immediate self-inflicted wound on my heart and mind and soul. Even my thinking (which usually precedes my speaking and acting) leaves a wound. The wound may seem small to me, but it is big to the victim. It will not heal quickly. It may get infected and never heal
When I say or do or something kind, good comes into being for others and for myself. There are immediate consequences for good thoughts and words and deeds. These consequences are often even less perceptible than the effect of harmful thoughts and words and deeds. But imperceptible doesn’t mean insignificant.
So, today, I am going to think and speak and act in a mature, consequential manner. Today, I am choosing to be mature. And I am determined to be mature in good ways. Living consequentially beats living inconsequentially every time.
“Beyond the Same Old”
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17, English Standard Version)
Do you feel like the same old so-and-so you’ve always been? I was feeling that way this morning. However, a phone call with a friend, some coffee, and Scripture helped me to realize that I am moving beyond the same old. (The coffee just helped me to wake up.)
You see, I often wonder if I’ve been forgiven. A lot of people think that the things I’ve done in the past are unforgivable. Sometimes, I’m afraid they are right. And sometimes, I don’t think that I have changed as much as I think I’ve changed. I have engaged in so much self-doubt over the decades that I have become self-doubt.
But then, there was this call from a friend. He is struggling with some anxiety over a good (but very demanding) change that is coming up in his life in the new year. I said to him that I would be excited for him. “Sometimes, we need to live vicariously, so I will be joyful for you.”
It occurred to me that perhaps I should practice this truth in my own life. There are people who know all my stuff who are quite sure I’ve been forgiven by God. They are also sure that I’ve changed and am changing for the better. I may have to be vicariously assured of my forgiveness through my friends.
And then, there is the Scripture. I felt the Holy Spirit (or my own subconscious?) guiding me to 2 Corinthians 5:17, the Scripture that leads off this post. I was especially struck by two things.
First, the word “all” caused my heart to stop beating—and then set it to beating again. “All things have become new”?! Really?!? So, I looked up the verse in the Greek, and sure enough, there was the word pan, as big as life and twice as beautiful! All! No exceptions!
And then there was the Greek word that is translated “have become”. It is in the perfect tense in the Greek. The perfect tense suggests two things at the same time: an action completed in the past with o n g o i n g results.
Yes! So, no matter how much I may feel that I am still the same old person with the same old unforgiveable flaws, it is not so. I need to move beyond the same old, since, in the mind of the Almighty and Compassionate One, I have been transformed with ongoing results.
So are you, dear friends! It’s time to wake up, with or without coffee.
“On Resigning from Being a Professional Advice-Giver”
I was giving my sweetheart unsolicited advice about her driving yesterday. Fortunately, she called me on this practice. Instead of getting defensive, I got quiet and thought about the matter, and I decided that she is absolutely right. That is something I do, especially with her, but not exclusively with her. And it is something that I do a lot.
So, I have decided that just for today, I am not giving anyone any advice. Will I survive? Will they? Maybe. I don’t know.
One thing I know for sure: I don’t like receiving unsolicited advice! Sometimes, I don’t even like the advice for which I’ve asked. This is the case especially when their advice is spot on. Perhaps I should entertain the radical notion that other people don’t like it when I treat them to my amateur “wisdom” either.
In a sense, refusing to be an advice-giver is just one application of Jesus’ broad-spectrum prescription for how to treat other people: “Therefore whatever you want others to do for you, do so for them . . . .” (Matthew 7:12, New American Standard Bible) What I don’t like receiving, I probably shouldn’t be giving.
For some good, simple advice on the giving of advice, you might want to look at some good thoughts from Sarah Koontz at https://livingbydesign.org/biblical-advice-giving/. (And yes, I do see the double-irony in advising you to go to a website that gives you advice about giving—or rather, not giving—advice!)
“Running the Course with Even Joy”
I was reading Psalm 16 this morning, and I ran into a comment by Derek Kidner in his commentary on Psalms for the old Tyndale series. Kidner pointed out that parts of this psalm were seeds for a Charles Wesley hymn. First, the Psalm and then the hymn!
“Psa. 16:1 Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
2 I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”
Psa. 16:3 As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.
Psa. 16:4 The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.
Psa. 16:5 The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
Psa. 16:7 I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Psa. 16:9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.
Psa. 16:11 You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (English Standard Version)
And here is the hymns:
“Forth in thy name, O Lord, I go,
my daily labour to pursue;
thee, only thee, resolved to know,
in all I think or speak or do.
The task thy wisdom hath assigned
O let me cheerfully fulfil;
in all my works thy presence find,
and prove thy good and perfect will.
Preserve me from my calling’s snare,
and hide my simple heart above,
above the thorns of choking care,
the gilded baits of worldly love.
Thee may I set at my right hand,
whose eyes my inmost substance see,
and labour on at thy command,
and offer all my works to thee.
Give me to bear thy easy yoke,
and every moment watch and pray,
and still to things eternal look,
and hasten to thy glorious day;
For thee delightfully employ
whate’er thy bounteous grace hath given,
and run my course with even joy,
and closely walk with thee to heaven.”
I am going to memorize this psalm and this hymn! It will take me a while. I am not good at memorizing, but this is all too good to trust to my faulty memory. Memorization is the way to go, not general memory.
I was struck—as, indeed, I am always struck whenever I read this psalm—by the words
“. . . in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
Apparently, the psalmist did not think that the LORD was a celestial kill-joy. Rather, if anything, God liked/likes to enjoy and give enjoyment.
But then the Wesley hymn made me think about pacing myself in joy. In the next-to-last line, Wesley prays to “. . . run his [literally “my”] course with even joy”.
I am a morning person. I wake up with the birds, and along with the birds, I wake up singing. However, I frequently fail to pace myself. My joy has a nasty habit of evaporating even before the morning dew. My song falls silent before lunch time on most days.
Today, however, I decided to try to pace myself, to run my course with even joy. And guess what?! I did. I am posting these musings as the night is coming on. And I am still running and with morning joy. It would seem that this really is possible! (However, I will admit that I had an afternoon nap, which didn’t hurt.)
“Sympathy and Responsibility”
Here is part of a good reading from Hazelden:
“Meditation for the Day
Having sympathy and compassion for all who are in temptation, a condition which we are sometimes in, we have a responsibility towards them. Sympathy always includes responsibility. Pity is useless because it does not have a remedy for the need. But wherever our sympathy goes, our responsibility goes too. When we are moved with compassion, we should go to the one in need and bind up his wounds as best we can.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may have sympathy for those in temptation. I pray that I may have compassion for others’ trials.” (From Twenty-Four Hours a Day © 1975 by Hazelden Foundation.)
I was especially brought to a meditative halt by the sentence, “Sympathy always includes responsibility.”
The Bible (both the Old and the New Testaments) makes much the same point. Here is one example of many:
“1John 3:16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. 17 But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? 18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”
John is saying that loving and giving practical help go together. Love is not a feeling. Love is an action verb.
I have a good twelve-step friend (we’ll call him “Dick”, although that is not his real name) who picks up the phone when I’m having a rough day. Before long, he will ask, “What can I do to be of service to you?” Actually, he has already done it by picking up the phone and listening.
God, how can I practice responsible sympathy today?
“The ‘If-Only-I-Had’ Game”
Do you ever play the “If-Only-I-Had (or Hadn’t)” game? I was starting to do that this morning. I caught myself and decided to redirect my thinking by doing some twelve-step readings. Here is one of them.
“”If onlys” are lonely.
—Morgan Jennings
The circumstances of our lives seldom live up to our expectations or desires. However, in each circumstance we are offered an opportunity for growth or change, a chance for greater understanding of life’s heights and pitfalls. Each time we choose to lament what isn’t, we close the door on the invitation to a better existence.
We simply don’t know just what’s best for us. Our vision is limited. Less so today than yesterday, but limited still. The experiences we are offered will fail to satisfy our expectations because we expect so much less than God has planned for us in the days ahead.
We get what we need, in the way of relationships, adventures, joys and sorrows, today and every day. Celebrating what we get and knowing there is good in it eases whatever trial we are undergoing. We are cared for, right now. We need not lament what we think we need. We do have what we need. We will always get what we need, when we need it.
I will breathe deeply and relax. At this moment my every need is being attended to. My life is unfolding exactly as it should.” (From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.)
“If onlys are lonely.” Yes indeed! The past is haunted for all of us. Some of the ghosts are good memories. Others are not. But all these ghosts are just that—ghosts. And who wants to hang around with things that were once alive but are so no longer? The best thing to do with the past is to learn from it and give it a decent burial.
Yet, I often play the “If only” game, and I always lose. How do I quit playing this losing game of “If-only”? I don’t know. I often write these posts, not to share my insights, but to confess my ignorance. However, even though I am not sure how to handle these “if-only” moments, I do have some suspicions.
Suspicion # 1: Just noticing that I’m tempted to play the game is useful. If I don’t notice that I am about to play a losing game that’s not fun, I will play the game—and lose.
Suspicion # 2: I need to remember that, when I’m playing this losing game, I am not playing a game that might be more useful. And what is that game? Well, it goes by many names. My mom or my wife might call it the “How-Can-I-Bless-Someone-Else-Today” game. That’s a much better game. Everybody wins in that game.
Suspicion # 3: I need to recognize that I am playing the if-only game out of laziness. Preoccupation with the past, whether that preoccupation is nostalgia or regret, is one way of avoiding doing productive work right now. I don’t like lazy people, especially when the lazy people is/are me.
I have that you have a good non-if-only day!
“The Bible and Sibling Rivalry”
The Bible talks a lot about sibling rivalry. Sometimes, such rivalry becomes “sibyl war”!
I was at a virtual scholarly meeting this morning in which a very thought-provoking paper was presented on sibling rivalry. The presenter said that the book of Genesis is shot through with brothers (and sisters) who don’t get along. The Bible can be incredibly frank about human nature and family dynamics.
And yet, the book of Genesis ends on a somewhat hopeful note. Joseph had been horribly treated by his brothers. They had planned to kill him outright, then threw him into a well to starve to death, but then had a change of plans if not of heart. No, they would not kill their brother. (“After all, he is our brother,” they had said to one another.) Instead, they would sell Joseph into slavery in Egypt. It was a more compassionate (and lucrative) action.
Some compassion, right?
However, Joseph rose from being a slave to being second in command to Pharaoh. He was in charge of grain distribution during a severe food shortage. His brothers came to Egypt to buy food and did not recognize that they were dealing with their brother. But they were.
Eventually, Joseph revealed himself to them. They were justifiably shocked and eaten up with guilt and fear.
Yet, the story ends with Joseph saying that what his brothers had meant for evil, God had worked for their good. Joseph promised them that he was not going to treat them as they deserved, but rather, as they needed to be treated. He would not kill them. Rather, he would help keep them alive.
A lot of us—probably most of us—have serious problems with at least part of our families. Estrangement is no stranger to many of us. Perhaps we would do well to remember the ending of Genesis. Perhaps we could show mercy, rather than harboring resentment or exacting revenge. Perhaps the ending of Genesis could be where we end up in our own lives.
“Knowing People from the Inside Out”
A friend of mine who is a psychologist made an intriguing comment over coffee about twelve-step programs this morning. I was talking about how quickly and deeply twelve-steppers become friends.
My friend said that he was not surprised. “The usual way is for people to put their best foot forward when they are meeting someone new. Later on, people may find out the bad stuff. In twelve-step groups, you tell all your bad stuff first. Instead of getting to know people from the outside in, you know people from the inside out.”
In a little known—and even less practiced—discipline, Christians are told to confess their sins to one another (James 5:16). The Roman Catholic Church delegates this task of confession primarily to a priest. This may be an overly narrow practice of what seems to be simply part of a Christian’s job description.
Protestants, on the other hand, generally ignore confession to their fellow believers altogether. I have heard it said, “We confess to God (or Jesus), not to a priest!” The problem is that the Bible seems to speak of confessing our sins to one another. Only by a huge stretch can the “one another” of James be taken as referring to God.
So, when Christians get together and ask each other how they are, the standard response is “Fine!” or “Blessed!” While I do agree that we are wildly blessed, that is only part of our story. A lot of bad, uncomfortable stuff can be going on in the inside, even for those who are blessed.
Actually, I have known a few Christians who had their lives pretty much together. Then, I got to know them better. They were some of the most dysfunctional people I’ve ever known. Part of their dysfunction was pretending as if they had it all together.
There is a commercial for a bank that has cardboard cutouts that are the supposed support staff for other online “banks.” I confess that sometimes it feels like that with my fellow Christians.
Alcoholics Anonymous, the father or grandfather of every other twelve-step program, began in a church basement. Perhaps the church needs to go underground again, and begin operating from the inside out.
“Leaving Politics in the Voting Booth”
“Rom. 14:1 As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. 2 One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. 3 Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. 4 Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
Rom. 14:5 One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. 6 The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7 For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. 8 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. 9 For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.
Rom. 14:10 Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; 11 for it is written,
“As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me,
and every tongue shall confess to God.”
Rom. 14:12 So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.
Rom. 14:13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. 14 I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. 15 For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16 So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.” (Romans 14:1-18, English Standard Version)
A very sharp guy at the chess club said a very wise thing the other night. One of the players was getting a bit too political in his questions, and my chess-playing friend said, “I don’t talk about politics in public. I leave politics in the voting booth.” He didn’t say it meanly, but he said it firmly, as if he meant it. The conversation swiftly turned to other things.
This reminded me of something I was frequently told by my parents when I was a boy: “Never talk about religion or politics.” (Sex could have been included among the taboo topics, except for the fact that even the word “sex” was not to be spoken.)
Nowadays, we talk about everything—incessantly. Perhaps we should consider reinstating the old rule of thumb. Much of our talk lacks not just nuance, but substance. We have strong opinions, but we baptize them and rename them convictions. The next step is for our opinionated convictions to become truth. Not our truth, but the truth.
In the passage from Paul’s letter to the Romans that leads off this post, Paul discusses divisions within the Roman Christian community. Some of the Jesus-followers were insisting it was either their way or the highway. Paul reminded them that neither way was the Jesus way. It’s a good reminder for us as well.
Now, neither my friend at chess club nor I are saying that we should never discuss politics or religion (or even sex) at all in any setting. My friend is a history teacher. He seeks to help his students to engage in critical thinking about political issues. We need to engage thoughtfully in discussions about all kinds of issues.
However, critical thinking isn’t what goes on these days in most political discussions. In fact, even the word “discussion” is a euphemism for rants and tirades and demonizing the opposition. Such things shouldn’t be left in the voting booth. They should be put in the garbage can.
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